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*ovebug
writes: My boyfriend has this older women/friend in his life who behind his back is trying to sabotage our relationship. She is very subtle and sly, she insults, guilt trips me and badmouths me to others, manipulate & gives him obvious bad relationship advice. He is conveniently blind to this. Although at times he admitted she is mean to other women. When I bring this admittance up he "forgets" he said it and wants to know when and where he said it-- basically negating my point. She has treated his ex and his mother the same way. If I try & be assertive/ stand up for myself, he critises me for being rude to her. He feels I am at fault & it's my problem. She is married with grown children. I don't know why she is doing this or why he is allowing this. He even let slip once he thinks my complaint is a joke & then of course denied saying it later. He is generally very sweet and kindhearted, but very uncompassionate especially when it demands he does something inconvenient to him. I am 29 and he is 35. We have been dating for 2 years and I am ready to give up. What should I do?
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (9 June 2005):
 If you're ready to leave, give your boyfriend an ultimatum. It's you or his friend. He obviously holds her opinions and thoughts above yours. It's almost as if she's jealous of your relationship with him. And she's annoying as a bad mother-in-law to be. And she doesn't deserve that right unless she gave birth to him! Try the ultimatum, but I'm sorry...be ready to leave. If all else, you'll meet someone who doesn't have a jealous sidekick with a vengence. Take care.
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reader, D_Missy +, writes (8 June 2005):
Well, you could always be sneaky and voice record him saying these things. haha...that's what I would honestly do.But in all seriousness, you need to sit down with him and talk about it. This woman is not only hurting your relationship but hurting you in general. The things she says is hurting your feelings and that's not accecptable. You need to let him know that. You can't just sit around and let her walk all over you like that. If you just leave it the way it is, your relationship with this guy will be awful. Take him to a place where she can't get to you. Go out of town for the day, go to a park. Talk to him about how its hurting you and needs to stop. Its not fair for you to go through that and let him know you won't suffer through it and let it slide. Best of luck!
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