A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy now for about 3 months. When we first met he was still with his ex-girlfriend and he was telling me how controlling and possesive she was. He told me that he's tried breaking up with her but she puts the guilt shame on him.A few weeks after that, which was our second time we'd met up, he told me that he finally got rid of her. She finally realised that their relationship was going no where. I couldn't help feel but relieved because I don't think that I could've been in a relationship and be the person who'd wait around until the lover had got rid of his other half and I just couldn't be the woman that he'd have a fling with.We got closer and my feelings for him grew and still are...but, one afternoon as we were laying in bed our relationship came up in conversation and as I was quite aware before we started dating, I thought to myself maybe he doesn't want a commitment as much as I do but it never seemed to arise. So this time I decided to just give a hint, well at least I tried to. Before I could go on about how I felt, he surprisingly told me that he just wants to be single. Still see me but not exactly go into anything too serious. To not scare him away I just went along with it and agreed. I just covered up my true feelings.I felt hurt but also confused and didn't know what to think.Is it too early to feel what I am feeling? Am I coming on too strong? Should I just wait, go with the flow and wait until he is ready? Or should I even tell him at all how I am feeling?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (26 June 2006):
 Hey Sweetie
I have to say it does sound like this guy just wants to use you for sex on tap until he finds something better I'm sorry to be so blunt :o( you need to make it known that you are no just a sex object you have feelings and emotions too your human and won't just be treated as a glorified F**K buddy your worth much more than that an deserve respect the same as anyone else, also treat people as you expect to be treated in return you know :o) your young enjoy the dating scene for a while don't be in a mad rush to settle down with the first guy that looks half interesting you know go out there on the single scene and work it girl enjoy it and have lots of fun trying :o) life is to short.. you said you like this guy but he but all he seems to see is the nothing serious line you are not a sex object... honey that ain't right go out and find a better guy that will treat you right.
I hope my advice was of some help to you sweetie :o) good luck ok... If you ever need someone to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on or maybe a little more advice, truly I'm always here for you ok :o)
You Take Care Babe And Good Luck X
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 Sorry to say this but this sounds like a recipe for heartbreak.
When a man says "I don't want anything too serious" what he really means is "I'm going to continue fucking you until i get bored and someone else suitable lets me fuck them". This is THE most standard male relationship pattern, at least at the moment (I for one hope it can change).
You have several choices:
- Stay with him for now. Know that he's very VERY likely to leave you. You need to try not to get too emotionally involved, or you'll be very hurt. Unfortunately it already sound like you could be emotionally involved.
- Leave him now, saying 'Sorry but i'm looking for a real relationship and commitment". He's not going to give it to you, so you shouldn't give it to him.
- Give him an ultimatum "Either a committed relationship, or nothing. What's it going to be?". This is dangerous as he could easily fake commitment whilst still thinking that he'll leave when he wants to. Men are very good at convincing themselves that they are serious when they in fact aren't.
Here's the thing. You have to be strong enough in yourself to demand that you only commit to a man when he is willing to give you what you want. Don't compromise on that, or you'll end up being loved and left-by men and the long term effect of that is bad for you, bad for your self esteem, and bad for your future relationships. You deserve a relationship on your terms! Demand that and you will get it. Don't demand it and you won't. How someone behaves towards you is up to YOU, not them.
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A
female
reader, lioness_x +, writes (26 June 2006):
I think this guy is still in love with his ex, you are fighting a losing battle, do you know how serious it was between him and his ex how long had he been going out with her etc.
I have been in a similar situation recently and the guy i was dating went back with his ex once she started seeing someone else he realised it was her he wanted.
But he had proposed to her and was going to marry her.
Hope i have helped you a little.
Let me know how you get on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2006): hi there im in a similar situation to yours an believe that it depends on how well he treats you,how well you get on when your together,and how happy you are.
i came to the conclusion that after finishing a relationship he needed time so i didnt forget my feelings but put them on hold for a while,however i wont wait forever,just enjoy what you have together.and when the time is right tell him how you feel.but maybe you wont have to given time he may decide he feels the same.Good luck and i hope this helps xxx
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