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My best friend lied to me. Should I forgive her.

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Question - (11 October 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 11 October 2010)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I know this girl who has been a really close friend for the the past 3 years. We tell each other everything and try to help each other with our problems. Things have been great until recently when she lied about attending a party that she invited me to. She made an excuses about not wanting to go cause of homework (through text message). I then called her to ask what was up and she said she was at home- when I could clearly hear people drinking and screaming in the background. I acted like I didn't hear it and said I was sorry she wasn't going.

It turns out that she wanted to go alone which is fine on its own, but I cant help but feel a bit betrayed. She felt that she had to hide that fact that she really did go.

Needless to say, I found out that she lied from another person at the party. Feeling hurt - I wrote her a letter saying that I knew what happened and that I was feeling pretty hurt at this point. She wrote me back denying again that she went. I am close to her family and I happened to be talking to her relative. I was telling him all about what was going on and how I was confused. The relative revealed that in fact she did go and that she was telling her entire family about it that previous day.

The way I see it is at this point I have two people who are telling me the truth and she has lied about it 3 times . I don't want to loose our friendship but I don't know if I can trust her again.

Should I forgive her and work things out or should I just move on.

View related questions: best friend, move on, text

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A female reader, xxnessiexx United States +, writes (11 October 2010):

xxnessiexx agony auntWell, sometimes best friends just need some space. And thst's not a bad thing, it's what makes friendship so awesome!

And it's natural for people to make mistakes so just close your your eyes this time and forgive her :)

Also tell her to be honest with you that you won't get mad!

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A female reader, kih88 United States +, writes (11 October 2010):

kih88 agony auntIt's just over a party...maybe she wanted to go by herself so could meet up with a boy or friend by herself. It is great you are best friends, but realize that even best friends need some space sometimes and don't want to share EVERYTHING. If you are so upset, than confront her saying that you heard from a few different people that she did in fact go to that party; say that you know she lied, and that in future, she doesn't need to hide things from you; if she wants to go some place by herself, tell her to just say so and not leave you in the dark feeling silly and lied to. She's not necessarily obligated to tell you why she went by herself because maybe it's private, but if you are going to ask about "why," then do it in a way so that you're letting her know that if its personal, she doesn't have to tell you.

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