A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm in over my head. my bf and i have been together for 3yrs now. we love each other so much.there are so many issue in our relationship. basically i have to help him out financially everytime. he has no money whatsoever to carry him from month to month. he took a loan to buy a vehicle so half of his salry is taken. recently he got in an accident which left him shaky financially. i have been diagnose with a medical condition and had to take surgery if i have a chance to live. which left me also shaky financally, because i had to take out a loan to do the surgery. his vehicle lic was out so he ask me to help him out i did. which is not good becasue i have to go for checkup which requires more money. he don't have any money to put gas in his vehicle so he can get to work so he asked me i gave him. the meat of the matter is he doesn't have any money to get by so he get stress about evrything, cause he is flat out broke. and i cant be helping him when i myself don't know where i'm going to get money to take of my medical condition. sometimes the money i have to safe i have to give him to carry him through the month.he live at home with his parent (mother). his mother is in a tough spot herslf well she made it that way. she divorce her husband and decide she dont want anything to do with him so her choice was not to take alimony from him. he have been paying half the mortgage and she the other half. but he has been let go from his job on early retirement. i think he wants money now so he have been heckling my bf family for money. he even stop paying his half of the money so the bank takes all the money from my bf mother account. so she is receiving next to nothing from her salry.that leaves them with next to nothing to get by e.g(food). so she can't help her son,and he cant really help her out. he doesn't want to sell his vehicle so at least he will have something to safeup and have money to buy things to eat. since i have been with my bf he have a problem about finance. i have been their for him through it all. we are in a serious relationship, i want us to get marry within the next year or so and have a baby. with his salry and my salry we can make it if we pool it together like getting married and just pay off his loan and build our house so we each pay 400 from our salry which is good. he doesn't see this because of his finance. recently his mother tell him they will have to pay their father for his share of the house (which amt to a huge sum) or sell the house and part the money. and they are thinking my bf will pay back for it. that will take his complete life for paying. and i cant wait till he pays the money back cause that will be a long time coming. where and how do i fit in? because he is actually stress about it which means he is thinking about doing it. which left me with nothing in the end, so am in this relationship till he said yes to paying his father with his life? this is heavy stuff.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): If your bf is in such financial straits, he should first get rid of the car - he bought it without considering the repayments - if you have to take a loan to buy a car then really - you cannot afford it!
It sounds like you are the 'cash-cow' [no offence meant] but he is milking you without once considering you and your predicament - he is only worried about himself.
With regards to his family - they mustnt make their problems your problem - they need to sort things out for themselves.
I dont think that you should consider marriage or children until such time as your bf is financially stable... if you are already fighting about finances and you are not even engaged - can you imagine how bad things will get when he has to make enough money to provide for you and a child??
As far as his mother goes - she has made some bad decisions - these have nothing to do with you - her choices - she must live with those choices.
The most important person now is you - and you need to save to sort out your medical problems - which do sound quite serious - so concentrate on yourself - you have the right to be selfish with your money so that you can sort out your health.
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