A
female
age
36-40,
*wistedbaby420
writes:I have been best friends with 'Jill' for well over ten years. In August of 2007 she met up with me downtown and brought one of her co-workers with named 'Jack'. We ended up hitting it off and he asked me out shortly after. We ended up dating for over a year, and during the last four months or so, he became very abusive with me. He would keep me on the phone until 6am calling me all sorts of derogatory names and on a few occasions he actually hit me if I was with him. I finally broke things off with him, and at that point, Jill told me she had no interest speaking to someone that would treat her best friend that way and that they weren't even that close. My 'problem' now is that she went to eat at his work and gave him her number telling him they would catch up. (Side note: she is engaged, so its strictly platonic.) I'm very hurt by this and talked to about why this upsets me and that if the situation were reversed, I truly would not want to talk to someone that could be so cruel to someone I care about. She got very defensive, and it wasn't until I told her some of the bad things that he'd said about her, that she seemed to agree she wouldn't see him. Am I expecting to much from her? After the emotional/mental/physical abuse he put me through, I find it unnerving that my "best friend" would even consider hanging out with him, let alone that she argued with me about the matter until it was brought up that he'd been rude about her. They worked together for only a year and rarely hung out except for with other co-workers (including her now fiance). I hate feeling like I'm making her choose, but honestly, is it that difficult of a choice? It really makes me question how good of a friend she is.Your thoughts would be appreciated,Thank you!
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best friend, co-worker, engaged, fiance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, malum424 +, writes (7 May 2009):
 It seems you found your own answer. Like I said weigh the pros and the cons and the cons came out heavier. I wish that it hadn't turned out like that.What I'd do now is take a step away from her not cut her out of your life just don't spend as much time with her. Start making plans with your other friends or if she calls to see if you want to do anything just tell her you're watching a movie or something
A
female
reader, Twistedbaby420 +, writes (6 May 2009):
Twistedbaby420 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your responses. It hurts so much because she knows how I feel and it's as though it doesn't matter at all.
I see this as an enormous con in my book, because I feel as though I cannot trust her. It's somewhat enlightening to see where her loyalty really is and I feel as though she is being extremely selfish in all of this.
I hope she doesn't have a thing for him secretly, because I think her fiance is a really great guy. If anything, I believe that she is jealous that he was interested in me, because she loves attention and is probably upset that he never showed that kind of interest in her.
I also want to make it clear that I am in no means jealous of the fact that they talk. He was calling and texting me until December, trying to take me to dinner or be a part of my life somehow. I had no interest in that at all. (How could I be friends with someone that could be so cruel?! No thank you!)
What I really love now is that the whole thing is literally being thrown in my face. He is now writing on her Facebook wall and I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she hadn't been responding. I wish I hadn't, because it was brought to my attention earlier that she definitely has been writing back.
This is eating away at me and I can't 'go through this' every time they talk to each other. I truly feel that she needs to make a choice between our long time friendship ("best friends" supposedly) or a former co-worker who verbally and physically abused her "best friend"? I thought this would be an obvious one, but apparently it's not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): Well at least now she sees it from your p.o.v. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): Perhaps she secretly has a thing for this guy (go figure?) you are right in doubting her because a true friend would not be acting this way towards you. You sound like a decent, intelligent person, dont settle for this. I know you have been friends for a long time but that doesnt mean that she is a true friend. Respect yourself. Goodluck!
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A
male
reader, malum424 +, writes (2 May 2009):
First off no you're not being mean by making her choose. This thing called 'Jack' is nothing more then a filthy animal who should be put down but that's just my opinion.
But more to the point I can't tell you if 'Jill' is a good friend or not. What I can tell you is this, think about everything you two have been through together and weigh the pros against the cons you'll find your own answer this way but to me it just seems kinda sad that you're letting 'Jack' stand between you and 'Jill'.
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