A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a 17 year old daughter who asked him to rub fake tan in her back last week when her nan was in the house and she was off to a friends house so i couldn't see why she couldn't have asked one of them. is this normal or am i being pathetic by feeling quite disturbed when i heard him say 'i can't touch you there love that's your boob'.i'm only three years older than her so maybe it was an attention thing.i really don't want any comments on the age thing.my partner and i had a night of passion last night and the sheets were soaked in our bodily fluids. she came round this morning claiming not to be feeling very well. don't know why she bothered coming over. she got into our bed and again it made me feel quite sickened. her bed is five minutes down the road so why couldn't she have stayed home?i am actually over reacting? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): You may be overreacting but just keep in mind that if you try to confront him about this without being calm and rational...you'll lose him. When it comes down to it.. if he has to choose between you and her.. its always going to be her. Your choice
A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/having-problems-with-his-daughter-who-is-two.html
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 June 2010):
 OP, when I was a teenageer my dad too used to rub sunscreen on my back. I mention this because I was raised with such a maniacal attention to what is "proper " and socially acceptable that occasionally I felt I was at the court of Queen Victoria. Yet nobody ever found anything strange in what belongs to a normal father-daughter interaction.
"Omnia munda mundis " : everything is pure to the pure of heart. If you find yourself questioning every little sign of closeness or affection between yr bf and his daughter,perhaps it's time you start instead questioning what goes on in the darkest corners of your mind .
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (13 June 2010):
C. Grant, you are dead-on. This poster has been complaining about the daughter for a while and still doesn't "get" it.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (13 June 2010):
 You've had really good answers. And last time you posted this question I was blown away by some of the insights people shared with you. Are you going to keep posting this question until someone agrees with you that you should be worried?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): Your over reacting because of the similar ages. You feel you need to compete... I know you said you didn't want the age differences mentioned but I think it's is important... Whether or not you like it you probably see him as a father figure and there is almost a sibling rivalry.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 June 2010):
 Also the sexual comment.. young girls practice flirtation on their fathers, they know they are safe, and it gives them a safe place to practice such things... fathers are aware of this, that's why they call their daughters nicknames like "princess"... part of the growing process, nothing dirty about it at all..
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (13 June 2010):
 This man is her father - you may see her as a girl but he just sees her as his 'little girl'. For some Dad's their little girl's never grow up. I personally think it is nice that she feels safe around him to ask for him to rub tan on her. It was innocent for her because she trusts him. I don't think you should start feeling jealous about your partner's child as it will destroy the relationship if you do...no-one needs you to be doing the wicked step-mother routine. If this relationship is going anywhere long term you just have to accept his daughter was around before you were (i.e. compromise). You are not competing for this man - you are his lover, she is his child. As for the bed thing, I think it is nice that she feels she can come to see him when she needs him. If the sheets disgusted you then you should have changed them when you got out of bed, she probably had no clue that they were soiled if she was sick and sleepy.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 June 2010):
You two are a similar age.. there is a lot of jealousy going on.. she and you are fighting over the love of her father, and she is fighting in a dirty way...
There is nothing sexual between her and her father, if there was it would be hidden and there would be no comments for you to hear.
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female
reader, rambini +, writes (13 June 2010):
 i dont think it is anything to be too concerned about, families have all sorts of different types of relationships, and especially if her mum isnt around it isnt unusual to have a very close relationship with her dad.
If I am feeling ill, the first place i would go is to my parents, how was she to know you'd had a "night of passion" the night before?
I think some of it is jealousy because there isnt much age difference between the two of you and you are both wanting his attention
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): You proabably are reading more into it than what's really there. Sure, they obviously have a close relationship but so do a lot of other girls who's dad's aren't with their mothers. She's used to being the most important girl in her dad's life, the one that he can't "break up" with, you know? And the fact that you, someone who is so close in age to her, is now with her father, it's making her feel a bit territorial. It's completely normal for her to feel this way. However, as far as the whole bed scenario is concerned, it id you're responsibility as the adult to draw a line. Talk to her and tell her it's inappropriate for her to barge into the bedroom like that and get in bed with you guys. But other than that, there's really nothing to be alarmed about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): erm, tbh i am pretty sure he doesn't find his own daughter attractive & vice versa. maybe it is an attention thing, but if you kick up a fuss about it, it's still his daughter, & he will think your jealous or something. trust me, i know all about this because my boyfriend & his sister are almost inseperable.
she shouldn't really be staying in your bed though, that is really weird. you should maybe ask him about that.
at the end of the day, it's still her dad. so whether her bed is 5 mins or 5 miles down the road, it would never matter
good luckkk!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 June 2010):
 You are over reacting. She came to her dad because she wasn't feeling very well. Lucky for her her dad lives 5 min away so she doesn't have to stay home alone when she is sick.
Change the sheets then if you don't want her to be laying in the bed. After all the daughter doesn't know you had a night of passion, and yes I agree, it is uncomfortable to have her sleeping in your bed when the sheets are all dirty. That doesn't mean she should go home to her own bed though, it means you should change the sheets.
As for the fake tan, so she has a close relationship with her dad and doesn't mind him rubbing it on her. It is only a sexual act if you make it into one. Moms rub sun lotion on their babies all the time. Is that sexual? No. Now this might be borderline as she is maturing, but the dad DID say no to rubbing it on certain parts of her. But really, if people are comfortable with each other this is not something you react over.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): She got into your bed? That is strange, but the fake tan isn't weird she wouldn't have asked her nan to do it I mean would you? Any other reasons you have to suspect something untoward in their relationship
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