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anonymous
writes: Is my partner a narcissist? I have been seeing a guy for 4 years now and we have 3 children between us, mine to my first relationship from which I have 2 teenage boys. He has a nine year old daughter from his previous marriage. It is quite a complex state of affairs as his child is being brought up by his mum and dad, as the mother is not fit to look after her as she drinks a lot and is very unstable. We both work and live in separate houses which we both own. He has on occasions been violent to me and he used to hit his previous wife. It has not happened for quite a while now, 12 months in fact, but he likes things to run his way constantly. He is a very successful manager in the local pct and is in charge of 28 women. Lots of things about the relationship are good and we share similar interests but he has no intention of us living together; we are a courting couple. His daughter stays at his house 1 night a week and I stay 3 nights a week at his house, but everything is very fragmented I have to go to his house constantly as I have only a single bed whereas he has a double bed. Every other Sunday I go to his mum's for tea. They are all a family of fervently strict routine. My boys have never been invited and don't seem to be accepted as part of his family and it hurts me as the only family we have is my dad who is 88 years old. It would be nice if the boys could have a family, but it just isn't happening. My boys stay at their dads 3 nights a week while I am at his house. It's really fragmented and hard to keep going sometimes as I am a single parent and work full time. I don't know whether I will be subject to another bout of violence in the future. It is unpredictable but I feel completely dependant upon him and I don't know why. I hate myself for it as I am an attractive woman with a great personality, so everyone tells me, and could easily get someone else. So I can't understand my reluctance to get out of the relationship. I have been studying in depth the subject of narcissism and I would like to know if he is one then I can maybe make sense of my co dependance on him for my very existence. This may sound crazy but I fear it may be true. I have broke off relationships in the past but this is incredibly difficult yet I also enjoy his company. Please help
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female
reader, CHAPARRA +, writes (5 December 2006):
because I can't stand being alone, I give my self
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2005): Not an easy one to detect I would have thought.I believe he likes to control and be in control.I also think that if he is not in control, he becomes frustrated and angry - perhaps at himself but as he believes himself to be in control, he takes his frustration out on the nearest to him, and in these cases, his ex and now you.I think he knows that he has a "problem" with the control thing, and prefers to remain distant from everyone until he knows it is "safe" to bring you all closer. The bed situation can be resolved. Do you have room for a double bed? What ever happend to the word adventure??? get the blankets and duvets on the floor with a bottle of wine!The control matter is not making you happy and equal in this relationship. How close to you feel to his parents? Can you say no to him at all? Try it.. make a plan not to go to his parents for dinner. Just once... see how it goes. You can just say that you do not feel up to going this time and to pass on your apologies. Do you think that would make him angry? What would he do? Are you frigtened of him or that fact you might lose him?These are just questions that pop into my head as I write... I hope you can ask yourself some too... It is clear you are a successful woman, you know your own mind, yet you allow "love" to cloud your judgement here. I am sure you know how to handle this situation more than most. I have to say that I am in a marriage to a man with many hangups... it isn't easy but love makes us battle on. Maybe we will get there, maybe not. Ask yourself, is it healthy for you all?Good luck {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
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