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anonymous
writes: I have been married for 8 years now and love my husband very much. We get along great and have wonderful time together.Although we did go through a rough patch about a year ago over him having a relationship with a co-worker. He promised me nothing happened between them but I never totally believed him.But I went out with some girl friends for a "girls night out" and found myself flirting with this guy I had a crush on years ago. We ended up kissing and everything but having sex. I had a lot to drink, but I know that is no excuse. Of course my girl friend say, that it serves him right for what he did to me. But I feel really guilty and think that I should tell him what happened. I have never done anything like this before and it's just not my personality to flirt or anything else with anyone other than my husband. Should I tell him what happened or just forget it ever happened?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2005): Marriage must be built on trust and mutual respect. If you fail to tell him what happened, you will be living a lie for the rest of your married life, as will your unsuspecting husband. What would you feel on your 30th wedding anniversary when your husband thanks you for being the loyal, faithful wife he thinks you have been? Your secret serves to haunt you for the rest of your married life. If you can deal with the thought of a tainted, untrue foundation for the rest of your life then by all means, conceal it. If you have respect for your vows and for your husband, it's important to tell him what happened. Let him make the decision whether or not he can forgive you. Don't make the decision for him by maintaining deceit forever. You are robbing him of his ideals and his dreams, just so you won't have to face the consequences of your poor choices. That is selfish. Marriage is built on trust and respect, and you are demonstrating neither.... what type of marriage have you built by concealment? Please don't force your husband to live a lie. He deserves the truth, and you deserve personal integrity. Good Luck.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (14 March 2005):
 I think in this case, it is best to try and forget that it ever happened and make sure that it doesn't happen again. You were going through a rough patch at the time, though that isn't a reason to do what you did, and you also thought he may have had a relationship with someone else. Again, no excuse to do what you did but understandable. I think if you do say something to him it will cause unnecessary pain. You know you made a mistake and you have a good marriage. Let it go, if you can, and enjoy your life with your husband.
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