A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyoneI'm looking for advice and anyone else who has been through this.I have been with my partner for 2 years. I love him most of the time. We do nearly everything together and are affectionate, and love each others company. We always make each other laugh.Here's the negative:Both myself and my partner are "angry firey" people. We both become irritable quickly and we both get angered quick if we sense any disrespect from each other.The trouble I am finding is this:My partner has two kids of 5 and 8. I get along really well with the kids and always spend time with them and him as a family. I also sometimes buy them things etc and try to make sure they have a good time in our company. I also leave them to have time on their own together with their Dad.My partner is a very devoted Dad and very devoted to his kids. He will do just about anything to make them happy. However, sometimes he can be grumpy with me all week and then start to be nice to me as soon as we are going to pick his kids up. He can be so horrible to me when we argue and on christmas eve he threw it in my face that I have nothing cause I don't have two kids and I will never know that love etc. On another argument we had, I jokingly said that we ought to put our baby in the local paper (meaning the cat lol) and because he was in a bad mood he told me that "I've got my two kids", in other words I haven't got anything except a cat. He did apologise laterIt's stupid things like if I was prepared to (which I have in the past) pay for his kids, he'd stand back and let me because it's like everything he does is for his kids.I am now starting to big time resent his kids. The more he does horrible to me and the more doting he is to his kids the more I don't want to bother anymore.He always say's we're a family etc, etc but then when he's feeling nasty and wants to hurt me they're "his kids".I feel like an evil person but I feel jealous that he will do anything for them and can't bear to see them hurt but will sometimes go out of his way to hurt me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2011): "I am now starting to big time resent his kids."Get out now. Don't make innocent kids suffer any more needlessy by projecting your anger towards their sperm donor onto them. Those poor kids are already sufferening too much undeserved pain at the hands of clueless breeders. Your continued presence in their lives can only serve to make two children's sad and miserable lives even sadder and more miserable. Please have the decency to spare them any more self-absorbed childish histrionics about absolutely nothing by never seeing them (or loser sperm donor) again.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (26 December 2011):
 The children are not the issue it is his appalling disrespectful mean spirited attitude to you.But as the children age they will start to emulate their father's values and attitudes and then you will be made to suffer three not one family abuser.That is a no-win situation.If there is something he needs to pay for, in connection with his children then step away and let him know there is something he needs to pay for. Suddently become very interesting in that you want to look at, while he pays for his children.You have been together for 2 years. Do you want children? If yes, then time is running out. If he is emphatic that HE does not want children with you and you DO want children then it is time to say goodbye to this man.If no then he can still formalise the relationship better than he has so far. He's had more than enough time to get things in order and make you his permanent partnerBut it would seem that he is resentful towards you. That is not the recipe for a happy relationship. I find his attitude so nasty that I would start thinking about splitting up with him, if I were in your shoes. he is responsible for his children. Be Oh so busy when it is tme to pay for his children.And keep your purse zipped.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (26 December 2011):
 Well, phooey to your boyfriend! Sorry, but he really does have a nasty attitude when he gets (I guess) overwhelmed with his responsibilities raising two children and it makes him envious of you.It's not as if you don't make his children feel welcome around you, including giving them gifts. There is no call for him to act the way he does.I agree with Eddie; you may need to take a look at how compatible you two really are - especially if you are contemplating a future and marriage with him.Enjoy your cat!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2011): It just seems you two are incompatible. Move on now unless you want to encounter more hurt down the road by staying. Just bc u love someone and they seem like an awesome person doesn't mean you'll be compatible....throw in respect, patience, trust, forgiveness, compatibility, understanding then you'll have something. Y r u sticking around if ur unhappy? Just bc of how nice he CAN be at times. Or how he adores his children. It's not good to put a lot of hype on how good he is if he doesn't adore u as well. A relationship like that cannot weather storms. Two good incompatible people.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (26 December 2011):
 To me, this sounds like your boyfriend is jealous because your responsibilities are less than his.
My guess is that he is upset because you dote on your cat, more than his kids. It could also be that he is trying to play the hero card: I am a single father therefore my problems trump anything you could possibly have. Also, he is playing a game of emotional hostage by allowing you access to his kids and then using them as a pawn when things go south. Kids -- especially stepkids -- need to see their parents as a united front, and if they see their father playing games, they'll know they can play them too -- against you.
This isn't really fair and some point I think you have to take a look at whether you two as a couple work in working out your disagreements. You describe yourself as both fiery people -- one or both of you is going to have to learn to contain that anger and work together rationally.
I think you have some thinking to do and also I think you need to let your boyfriend know how you are feeling in regards to his children. Especially if you are thinking long term with this man (i.e. marriage), it is best that you work together to raise the children as a team, rather than as a surrogate parent.
Merry Christmas
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2011): Before his remark did you say anything first? Do not spend any more money on his kids, you have mentioned this twice and if you cannot spend money on someone without bringing it up, then dont spend on them at all.
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