A
male
age
30-35,
*hcheknav
writes:Hi, I'm in a well very unique relationship. I'm 21 and my girlfriend is 30 with 2 kids and has been married twice. We've been dating for almost 4 months now, then we moved in together after a month for monitary purposes which is working. I'm in the US Navy and she works for a law firm. Her two kids are 3 and 8, the oldest having ADHD. I knew I was stepping into shoes I could hardly fit, since I've never been married or have any kids.Our first few months we're exteremly romantic and intimate, as usual. But since we've moved in all it has been is arguing and bickering. We've talked about comprimse all the time and I've been doing my part in doing what she'd like to see out of me. And that where one issue lies. I have always been a guy that loves the touch, kiss, and tenderness of a significant other (I'm needy I'll admit it) and shes very independent. The only time we have together is when we return from work, we help the kids with school work, clean, take our dog out, eat, put the kids to bed, then we do our own thing. Everynight, I've tried taking the time to sit with her and talk about frivolous stuff, but she wants nothing to do with me. It's depressing. Even when we have "date nights", it doesnt even feel like a date. I've tried rekindling the romance on many occasions but it's short lived.And on the weekends off she wants to go have "me time" with her friends, yet 90% of her friends are also mine. So every weekend she does her thing it feels like she's stealing my friends away from me, then she pulls the "they were my friends before you, go do your thing with your friends"... how can I if your hanging out with them every weekend and not allowing me to come with.She says she wants to keep trying and she wants this to work, I just dont see how if I'm doing my best to quickly mature to fill the shoes and meet her needs, and I see nothing in return. I don't feel like shes grateful for the amount of effort I put into maturing, yet she says she is. How? Why won't she show me in return, snugggling kissing, all the things I love and cherish. Have I done all that I can do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 December 2011):
 you guys moved in together for all the wrong reasons and way too early.
9 years is not a big gap... my 38 yr old fiance just moved in with me a few months back... but thankfully we don't have kids to deal with.. he's only 11 years older than my oldest..
when I get home, we touch base briefly... we always make it a point to have dinner together... and we spend a bit of time together...
WEEKENDS are OURS... but again we don't have kids we need a break from especially an ADHD boy...
do these kids have a biodad that they see??? or are they with you guys 24/7?
have you told her you need more affection?
my man needs lots of affection... I go to bed way earlier than he does but I know when he comes to bed i have to wake up enough for snuggle time... at least for a bit.. we cuddle he kisses me... so every day he gets some snuggle time...even if I am half asleep... and he's learned my being tired does not mean I dont' love him just that I'm TIRED...
DATE night... does it mean getting dressed up going out to dinner and a movie or does it mean sex?
are you still romancing her? flowers? compliments etc?
A
female
reader, sweetness123 +, writes (26 December 2011):
 Hi your girlfriend is a single mother has it rough works has two children one with special needs. Four months is to soon to move into an already family atmosphere which I assume at your age you have never experienced before. I am sure she is a lovely woman. Your only reason for moving in was for monetary reasons whos needs the money I dont know. Wrong reason to move in does she need your financial support? If so is she taking advantage of a nice young man? Please move on from a woman with experience
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2011): It sounds to me like she just wants a live-in babysitter with the occasional perk of having someone to love whenever SHE feels like it. I mean, seriously, you're only about 13 years older than her oldest kid. You gotta wake up and smell the coffee! You're being used here! Which is super ridiculous in my opinion because you're 21 and in the Navy. There are SO many girls in the US who are YOUR AGE who would LOVE to cuddle with you and kiss you and all that other good stuff. You don't need an uptight 30 year old lawyer who is also a parent, in your midst. I mean, that's just asking for toxicity. Get yourself out of this relationship, save up your money, and meet someone back home who will appreciate you and your efforts. Do this before you get super attached to her kids as well. Good luck! =]
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