A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well people may seem this as mean but i really need advice on this.One of my best friends is abit over weight by that i mean she is 13 and a size 12 or 14 in adults.I never saw that as a problem she is still a great friend it never changed her personality or anything. But now in secondary school she constantly stops at the chippy after school whch is think is just awful. I never go in its like fried fat in their and i personaly like my size as im a size 6. But once while i was waiting outside the chippy for her, boys in my school past and saw her in there and made awful commments. I don't know how she can take the comments.I have mentioned to maybe she try a diet just to drop a size and a first she was all for it.Then i next day she ate a hot dog and packet crisps in just a 15 minute break from class and that was the diet out the window again.She has to do something about it i have tried talking to her and im getting worried now. I need to shock her in to a diet i think,but i dont know how.How can i help my friend ?
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, coucou206  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 DIETS DON'T WORK!!!!!You shouldnt try to change her diet at the moment!Join a club! An after shcool thing like dancing or (if she's too selfconsient) a sport like a netball club, or even a drama club or whatever you have. Even if its not very exercising, its stops her having that extra bag of chips.I eat really quite badly, but I do an afterschool club every weekday, and something in pretty much every lunch time, plus weekend music club, once a fortnight.This tires me out, but though I only do two exercise clubs per week, it keeps the weight down (you can tell because i gain a lot of weight in the hols).I say, join a club with your mate, and refure to go to the chippy afterwards, give any excuse. Say its not nice, or that you saw a mouse in there or that chips give you really bad spots and would she prefere to come back to yours? Then give her a glass of orange juice and an apple and do your homework together. This soon becomes rythem, soon you'll beable to get her off the chips.I understand the responsibility you feel for her, but really, It's her choice and you wont beable to change that too drastically.Oh, and I'm a sise 10 and thats great, I'm not fat and i'm not a midget and I'm not skinny. I'm just right.Good luck and dont push her.coucou xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI knew this question may maks me seem bad but i dont know why.
For wanting to be help my friend i been called under weight, shallow, obsessive anything else.
Some replies have been really helpful like LEIRIN for example so thank you.
I didnt ask a question to be insulted i asked cause i wanted to help out a friend.
So to be honest are the insults fair ?
I think my friend is comfort eating or it might be because her mum abd dad are quite big aswel. But however i am going to ask her if everything is alright at home.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): Hi there...
I'm going to assume that you love your bff and your concern is for her and you're not being shallow (because that wouldn't be very nice, now would it?)
Speaking as a plus size woman myself, let me say this: nothing made me pack on the pounds faster than when people I love (my mother, brother, friends, etc.) were trying to get me to lose weight. It feels like your love is conditional (i.e., "If you lose weight, then I can be proud of you and love you") and that is hurtful. And fat people like us tend to deal with hurt by eating. Honestly, whatever strangers (like those boys you mentioned) think, I never could care less. God knows, if it wasn't my weight they'd tease me about, it could be my glasses, my clothes, etc. etc. (and, by the way, still holds true today). So, I really could care less what anyone else thought of me... but the people i love, that's the one that hurt.
Like with anyone else, she can only lose weight when SHE's good and ready. No one can shock/force/cajole/beg/convince her to do anything about her weight but her. And if she doesn't find it a problem, then leave it alone. Otherwise she'll just end up resenting you and never speaking to you again (kind of like I did with my friends who hurt me on a daily basis because of my weight... and I really could care less about them, I have new friends, a great life, a man, a house, etc.). The only people I have in my life have been people who just loved me for me.
Now, that said, you can always suggest to do active things with her (without monitoring every piece of food she chooses to put in her mouth) like running, swimming... stuff that'll get her active to spend time with her and have fun and even inspire her to lose weight. But if you come at her telling her she needs to go on a diet, she will only hate you for it and eat more and more.
Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (28 January 2009):
what is wrong in telling your friend that they might not fit? why is being a size 12/14 such a big deal to you.
maybe she comfort eats because her friend is constantly going on about her weight and how she is not normal. i'm sorry but it's bullshit! you need to stop going on about her weight! it has nothing to do with you anyway. if she wants to loose weight then it's up to her. no one should force her! stop going on about her weight and concentrate on yourself.
i know this all may sound harsh, but you are really sounding petty and i am wondering why your friend is friends with you. when i was your age i had a friend who was about a size 14/16. the thing is she will never be a size 8/6 because even now at 22 she is a bigger girl. it's just her build and frame. some people are never going to be a tiny size 6. if you ask me size 6 is too small, it's edging onto size 4, which is kinda like an anorexic size.
seriously get over her so called weight issue and just be her friend!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI not under weight, im short so im actuly just in the ideal weight range.
Ok right maybe i wasnt claer about her weight, i tell yous this story then.
She was stayin at mine one night but she forgot her PJ shorts, she asked to borrow mine but i didnt have the heart to say the woodnt fit her. So i asked mum about what i should do he she gave my friend a pair of hers 2 borrow.
My mum the average 12-14 size and the pair she gave my friend didnt fit.
Now im sure that isnt right she is only a inch taller than i am at 5 foot 3 and bein nearly a size 16 isnt right.
I really need adice
...............................
A
female
reader, LIERIN  +, writes (27 January 2009):
 Well, you said 14 women size right? That is big for that young girl. I am 27 years old and I ahve been overwerigt until I was about 20 ... I use to be size 14 when your age .. adn than I just went to size 20 from absolutely nowhere. I didnt have friends that would help me out .. and its great that you are tryingto help her.
I can tell from my own experience, that I feel sooo sorry, I wasnt skinnier in my teens and I didnt even care. My life would be sooo much different than it was. I didnt have any depressions or mental problems ... it was just the way i was ... I didnt eat much, but I also had almost no excercise.
Than when I was 20 I stopped eating everything that had flour in it and I dropped 60 pounds in a year. Now I am size 8 and I am happier than ever. Men go crazy over me, excercising becomes part of my life and everything is just much easier ...
You shold tell your friend if shewants to start a new diat with you to look great in bikini in the summer time ... and you should introduce her to healthy diat ...
Good luck
You can contact me if you need help w it
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): Maybe there is another issue here. If your friend is eating alot in general, maybe you should ask her whats bothering her. Maybe she has issues at home that you do not know of. People with weight issues already know they have weight issues, and the comments don't really matter. Because there are many ways to rationalize it, like a size 12 isn't that big. (I do agree with that comment though--I was always bigger in school). However, it sounds like your friend may be dealing with something else. Get her trust, and find out what it is!! That's what you should be concerned about. Not just her weight or size.
Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (26 January 2009):
 13-15 and worried about your mate being a size 12. Where to start eh!
For one thing it depends on your height, and what build you are. You might be a size 6 and a very small frame, but if your mate is taller and bigger built, she's never ever going to be the same size. To me you sound a little to obsessed with weight and size which is as un-healthy as your mates eating patterns.
So if you love her that much, then help her to sort some kind of healthy eating program and go to an excercise class of some sort. Thats what my mates would do.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): i totally agree with aunty rach, size 12 really isnt fat, not even at 13. ive been going up and down between sizes 8-14 since i was 12. atm im a size 10/12, in my circle of friends we all vary from a size 6 all the way up to 18 - its not a problem for any of us. the only way her weight may be a problem is if shes quite short.as for the boys, they are just immature little kids and if they weren't making comments about her weight they'd find something else to pick on her for. trust me, i got it all the time at school, they ALWAYS find something!i agree that her eating habit may be a little problem. you know there's a difference between a diet and a healthy balanced diet! there's nothing wrong with her eating those things but not if she eats this every day. maybe you could try to encourage her to eat more fruits?!and as aunty rach already suggested, start some sort of activity, join a club. dance is deffinetely a good one to do, i started with dance when i started my GCSE'S, im now doing cheerleading and taking performing arts at college and im loving it! it also keeps me fit at the same time.hope this helps a little and good luck xx
...............................
A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (26 January 2009):
wait a moment..you think a size 12 is fat? honey size 12 is normal. do you no that the average woman in the UK is a size 16.
you're saying you are a size 6..well i think you need to maybe realise that you could possibly be under weight. but then again your frame maybe petite. but my point is, is that your friend is not fat at all. but i do understand that you are concerned about her unhealthy eatting. maybe suggest to her that you all do a healthy eatting thing, take up some sort of activity, like dancing or some sort of sport, that you all enjoy.
i do hope that you are thinking of her and not how she makes you look. cause what sort of friend does that make you!
like i said before, a size 12 is a very common normal size for most girls in the UK. whether they are 13 or 30. i'm a size 10/12 and i certainly am not fat! but at the same time i eat healthy foods and exercise.
also when you are only 13 you have what's called puppy fat, then when you reach your late teens, early 20's you loose this extra fat and start to take up an adult frame.
so don't be so harsh about your friend. it shouldn't effect you whether she is a size 6, 12,16 or 18. she is still your friend and if you go on at her about her so called weight, then you will only bring her down and make her feel awful. like i said before size 6 is not that healthy, it does not mean that you eat properly. maybe you are not taking in enough nutrients? maybe you are the one who is insecure about your weight...whatever the answer...your friend is normal and only young. give her a break!
...............................
|
