A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey all im just a little worried here. my boyfriend who is 48 and i got together about a year ago. we were working together and i just fell head over heels in love with him i met him in august and we moved in together after his wife threw him out when she found out about me in feb. i just found out im pregnant, he is so thrilled and overjoyed to be a daddy cause he did not conceive any with her. he is just so sweet and kind and is taken real good care of me. i dont have to do anything, just be here im tickled cause i dont have to work and i have not had to work since i moved in with him, he even helps with my daughter. my problem is, is that he sees is ex twice a month to pay her alimony, and i have seen texts from him to her telling her to meet him certain places to pick it up and than he ends it with i love you. why is he telling her he loves her, when we are together and im going to have a baby, i have an engagement ring and we have talked about marriage. i heard him one time tell her i love you but not the same way any more. i just dont understand it they are divorced now why tell her this. is it because of their history together they were together like 12 years or more? could it be that he was not finished with her but i was a fling and than when she kicked him out i was what he had to fall on? i just want to make sure that he is here for the distance and i was just not a making machine for him or someone to boost his ego. HELP
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): Let's start with HE DID NOT leave HIS WIFE for YOU! He left because HIS WIFE KICKED HIM OUT BECAUSE SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU.My ex-husband had an affair and I kicked him to the curb too. You have blinders on your eyes if you think that because he was "un-happy" in his marriage, he was probably unhappy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): first of all never trust or give your respect to a man who would leave his wife for you. if he can do it to her he can do it to you in the future too.
a truly honorable man would have either rejected you to stay faithful to his wife, or, if he no longer felt anything for her he would have manned up and left her long ago and faced the consequences of that action (financial, social, being called a jerk) long before bringing another woman into the picture.
people like him who stay in a marriage indefinitely only until they find someone new have a very short sighted approach to relationships. If he can do this to her after they were married for 12 years, he can certainly cheat on you at anytime. Who knows, right now behind your back he could already have met his next future girlfriend/wife and is right now only just beginning to develop a spark with her.
my advice is to do the right thing: break up with him, apologize to his wife for playing a big role in ruining her life, and then work out child support from him so you can raise all your children on your own. And from now on only look to single men as potential partners.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): if the only reason he left his wife is because she couldn't give him his own biological children, he's a very shallow and selfish and egotistical person. They could adopt children to make a family, but he wants only children who carry his genes, that's so egotistical and I feel sorry for his wife.He has some nerve telling her he still loves her after he cheated on her and got you pregnant. I don't believe this guy is capable of loving anyone except himself. he is a jerk, he only uses women for his own selfish means, his wife means nothing to him, and YOU mean nothing to him either. it wouldn't surprise me if he cheats on you and leaves you in the future when you're older and he finds someone younger.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): you sound very selfish... for someone who has a kid already you should not have brought another into this messy situation... good luck. as you will need it when he strays again
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): she is an attractive woman brown hair green eyes skinny. and very nice. ive seen her at a few of the work functions how she catered to him. thats why i guess im worried. he said she could not have children because of complications. so im wondering if the child thing haunted him so much, that he left her for me because of my age and the capabilities of bearing children. i think im prettier than her and yes i defenitaly got age on her. i just dont want to lose him, he has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. im happy, my daughter is happy. thank you to those of you that have been nice. i appreciate the comments. ive gotten alot of bad looks and have been talked about by people. but i wanted him and i got him i just want to keep him......
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 November 2012):
 I am afraid that you can't be sure about that- neither we can. I find significant that he did not leave his wife to be with you, he just got found out and kicked out, so he did not have too much of a choice did he ?
I also find a bit strange what you say about your " engagement " " I have got an engagement ring and we have talked about getting married... " Uhm, normally when you get the engagement ring , the " talking about marriage phase " is over and done, you have already decided you'll get married within a reasonably short time, and all there's left to do is picking the actual date .
Of course he is thrilled and overjoyed about the pregnancy, if he wanted to be a father and could not get that from his wife. So, at least, hopefully there are very good chances that he'll be always in his child's life. In yours,... frankly, who knows.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): "i was just curious as to why he would still tell her he loved her"
Either he's a liar and he doesn't love her or he's a liar and he doesn't love you or he's a liar and he loves himself more than either of you.
Is that simple and non-judgemental enough?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): wow you all are pretty harsh on here. you know it takes two and i was not the only one involved in this extra marital affair. i cant help that he fell out of love with his wife. you cant help who you fall in love with either. im so sick of people stero typing me, yes he was married but obviously not happily. i thought about leaving him when he would not leave his wife, but he told me that he couldnt just up and leave her that she didnt deserve to be hurt. i was ok for a while him going home to her. he spent the weekends with me and stayed out late every night with me. for 3 months he lived with her until i guess she got tired of it. he told me he wanted a baby, and i told him i would give him one. this past year has be awesome and i would not change it for the world. i know he dont want to be with her, he pushed the divorce, i was just curious as to why he would still tell her he loved her. when people get divorced dont they go on their way. theirs just seem to be different thats all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): "i just want to make sure that he is here for the distance and i was just not a making machine for him or someone to boost his ego"
You're kidding, right? what makes you think he's in it for the distance now, when he has shown he's capable of cheating on a 12-year marriage? you will be lucky if you even last that long with him before he does the same to you as he did to his ex-wife.
what makes you think your engagement ring means anything, when he has already shown you that he doesn't respect the concept of marriage?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): of course he still loves her, they were married for 12 years. And he didn't actively choose to leave her, she was the one who left him which is why he then moved in with you. Their relationship hasn't yet ended. You don't end a 12 year relationship in one day.
So you're pregnant, of course he's happy about it since it's stoking his ego to have some woman carrying his own baby. Doesn't say anything about how he feels about you vs his wife.
I think he's on the fence right now about whether he should go back to his wife if she'll take him back (although I hope she won't, for her own sake, how could she take him back when he cheated on her and got another woman pregnant.)
frankly I don't think you have any right to complain about anything here. You have it good right now. And you can't complain about him waffling over choosing you or his ex, because he was that way when you first got involved with him since he was still married to her at the time.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 November 2012):
 "as far as the money goes well yes he makes good money. but since he has been paying her we lost our apt. and he had to file bankruptcy and had to move in with my mother, so im not in it for that".
oh, you And he is still paying her, that's good, it seems she did have a good lawyer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): its women like you that cause so much divorces in this country. you broke up his marriage, so you could have security for you and your daughter. and from what i read you are just out for the mans money. now your pregnant? did you do this to keep him? whats wrong with you you are half his age, he got his daughter pregnant is how i look at it. its obvious that he wanted to be with you your carrying his baby and he is happy. so what if he tells his wife he loves her, they were together for a long time probably until you came along and he started wooing you and fell in lust with you. i say bravo for his wife for catching the two of you and kicking his sorry butt out. i see it this way you saw it you wanted it you got it. so live with it. i see it this way 1. he will see you for who you are and leave you for some young thing, cause lets face it you will be where is wife is age wise we all grow old. and you will feel the same way she did. or 2. you will realize that you are with daddy, when he is sick or too old to work and you will have to support him like he is you in the present time and leave because someone else stupid will come along. but hey you got what you want right now in the present be happy with it and live life happier than what im sure you left his wife in. good luck to you
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 November 2012):
 you do realize if she says she will take him back he will go....
he didn't leave his wife for you.. she threw him out because he's a liar and a cheater.
yep honey when she threw him out you caught him.... when he finds greener pastures he will probably go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): he is divorced from her got the divorce oct 22. and he wanted the divorce, he told her to file back in jan., he said either u file or i will and u will have to fight me. i confronted him about the i love u to his ex. and he told me yes i love her only because we have history together, but im not attracted to her sexually, im not in love with her. im in love with you. but yes i love her and always will. she didnt deserve for all of this to happen to her, but when i met u i melted and couldnt resist being with you. dont worry about anything you are my world and im going to give the world to you. and as far as the money goes well yes he makes good money. but since he has been paying her we lost our apt. and he had to file bankruptcy and had to move in with my mother, so im not in it for that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): I don't think this is going to work out for you. He came to you because the wife kicked him out after finding out he was having an affair and now he realises he has made a mistake and is missing her. I don't like women who take other women's husbands and you don't appear to think that you have done anything wrong. Statistically 95% of men who have an affair do not end up with the partner that they had the affair with. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Just because you have 'conveniently' become pregnant won't mean that you keep him long term. He will be wishing that he had been able to have a child with his wife. I hope the wife gets a great lawyer and takes him to the cleaners. You should wise up as he is not going to want to pay for you sitting on your arse all day when he had to pay out large amounts of alimony to a wife that he still cares about so enjoy the moment while you can.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 November 2012):
Gosh, aren't you a lucky little pumpkin to land on your feet. One positive in your favour, you already know he is capable of cheating, so if he ever does it shouldn't be the shock it must have been for his wife of how ever many years. After all they were married for half your lifetime.
The man is twice your age, the only reason he is not with his wife is because she kicked him out. I hope she had a good lawyer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): Duh!!!! When you start something wrong it always finishes wrong! Now you worried if he still loves his wife?! Really?! You weren't worried when you were screwing and making a baby with him so why now?! Karma is a b**ch! Tread light. The same way you are feeling now is the EXACT same way his wife felt when you were good timing with him. Unfortunately you will have to deal with him the rest of your life because you have his kid! Sooner or later you will be just like his wife. Getting a check because you kicked him out!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): "My b/f left his wife to be with me, I'm pregnant and worried that he's not in for the long haul!"
Valid and legitimate concerns as you know he's been cheating on and lying to his wife from the start, so he's certainly capable of treating his backstreet mistress just as badly, if not worse since as mistress you have no legal standing in his life and wife does.
"i just found out im pregnant, he is so thrilled and overjoyed to be a daddy cause he did not conceive any with her."
He's a scumbag who is thrilled that he can still get it up and overjoyed that his balls still work.
"he is just so sweet and kind and is taken real good care of me."
He's a scumbag who is keeping you as his unpaid mistress, you give him sex and he provides free room and board in return.
"i dont have to do anything, just be here im tickled cause i dont have to work and i have not had to work since i moved in with him, he even helps with my daughter."
Your ability to lie flat on your back will be a not-so-in-demand skill once you hit the other side of thirty, and then you and your then pre-teen daughter and product-of-extra-marital-affair schoolage sibling by scumbag will be out on the street.
"he sees is ex twice a month to pay her alimony,"
He's a scumbag who is not paying his undivorced wife court-ordered alimony based on her needs and his ability to pay, he's giving her an out-of-pocket allowance based on how much he wants to pay and how little he can get away with paying.
"why is he telling her he loves her, when we are together and im going to have a baby, i have an engagement ring and we have talked about marriage."
He's a scumbag who is stringing his undivorced wife along so she won't divorce him so she won't get half his assets and he won't have to pay alimony based on her needs and his ability to pay, and also so he can't marry you so you can't get your claws on his assets at all.
"i just dont understand it they are divorced now why tell her this."
Because they are NOT divorced, he just wants you to think they are. That's why he "talks about" marriage, that's all he wants to do.
"could it be that he was not finished with her but i was a fling and than when she kicked him out i was what he had to fall on?"
I see no reason to think otherwise, but for the time being he's also getting an ego boost by shacking up with a chickie half his age.
"i just want to make sure that he is here for the distance and i was just not a making machine for him or someone to boost his ego. HELP"
Unfortunately he is NOT there for the distance and you ARE someone to boost his ego, and once your mileage gets too high he'll give you the boot for another early-twenties plaything and you'll be on the outside looking in with no claim to his assets other than child support he'll likely not voluntarily pay because HE'LL get no benefit out of it.
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