A
male
age
30-35,
*bhishek taneja
writes:Hi my name is abhishek i am in a relationship with a girl from about nearly 7years.i used to trust her but before 10 months she leaved me i tried very hard to stop her but she was so heartless at that time and leaved me without any reason and then after 6 months from that she comes back to me and said sorry to me then i asked her that she leaves me because of another guy but she dinied but i dont believe her and because i love her so much i accept her and i knw that she comes back to me because she really knw that no one can love her more than me and after patch up we are in a relationship for 4 months and now i think she is cheating on me again because she again lied to me every single time but she dinied me again and then after solving that i called her today but she was busy on another call and my call was on wait and then i called her nearly 25 tym but she didn't pick my call and after an hour she called me and said that she was in her friends home and was not busy on call and when i check her mobile i saw no number at that tym when her phone was busy and my call was on wait which is really not possible and everytym i check her inbox i find it empty always and i think she deleted that everytym when i met her and i really can't trust her but the tough point is that she swear of her dad that she was not busy on call is she can really break the swear of her dad?i dont no what to do i don't want to be cheated again pllzzzzz help me i love her so much and i dont want to loose her again because without her i can't live happily? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, june124578  +, writes (3 December 2012):
Everyone experiences problems throughout their personal relationships. Couples will fight, and trust will be tested. However, these problems can be solved with dedication and commitment. Eleanor Roosevelt once wrote, “When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” This quotation exemplifies the importance of the endurance one must have in a relationship when the times get tough. Having said that, it is also important to not let the problem to be solved become more important than the person to be cared for. So when you are worried that your relationship with that special someone may be slipping away, three things will help you pull through: trusting them, giving them freedom, and not being afraid to love them.
Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. If you don’t trust your mate, then you are going to have a lot of problems in your relationship. One problem that can arise from the lack of trust in a relationship is the formulation of insecurity. For example, let’s say one calls their girlfriend 24/7, and checks her phone all the time. This is a blatant sign of insecurity due to that person’s lack of trust. Using this example, the first thing that person needs to do to build trust is to stop calling her 24/7, especially when she is with her friends. This approach will only leave her angry and annoyed because she will not be able to enjoy the time with her friends. Furthermore, she will more than likely question her boyfriend’s insecurity which will not bode well for solving the original problem in the first place. To further strengthen the trust in one’s relationship, it is important to not smother your mate with a series of overly-concerned questions. For example, when one’s girlfriend comes home from hanging out with her friends, they shouldn’t ask her what she did, where she did it, and who was she with. The better approach would be to simply ask her how her day was, and if she had a good time with her friends. If you do that, then after a while she will be the one calling and telling you what she is doing. When she gets home she will tell you what she did, who she was with, etc. without you even asking her. Therefore, by trusting your partner, you will be able to make the feeling of insecurity disappear in the relationship which will ultimately strengthen your bond.
The second thing that will help one strengthen their relationship is to give their partner their free space. This in fact is closely related to the previous element of trust and one’s own sense of security. The more you trust someone, the more willing you will be to give that person their free space. Having said that, just because you are giving your companion their space, doesn’t mean they will break up with you. As a matter of fact, it is just the opposite. A person needs their own time as much as they need time together. A proper balance between these two will help iron out at least some of the wrinkles in one’s relationship. For example, it is important to allow the time for your significant other to hang out with their friends, jealously and drama free. Simply show your love by giving them their fee space to do the personal things that they are passionate about. People need their own time, and if you don’t give it to them, they will find it. However, when they find it on their own, it is probably a sign that the relationship’s problems are being augmented, not solved.
The final trait that is important in helping solve problems in relationships to not be afraid to love. For example, one may be scared to lose their companion if he/she had previously broken up with them in the past. However, because that person came back in the first place, it shows that they realized they made a mistake and that they love and need you in their life. If one realizes this, and really loves that person, then there is no reason to be afraid. James Baldwin once wrote, “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” Therefore, it is important for this love not to be masked itself. A good way to show such love is to give her gifts, take her out on dates, and flirt with her. By fearlessly demonstrating this love, that person will see how much you as well deserve their love.
In conclusion, relationships take work. Through trust, free space, and fearless love, one will be in the driver’s seat to overcome most problems encountered in a relationship. By trusting your mate, you will be able to allow them to have their own life as well without acting overly-concerned with everything they do. Moreover, is important your partner has healthy relationships their friends. Finally, and most importantly, don’t be afraid to show them your love. These are the ingredients to a happy and healthy, long-lived relationship.
Here are some links that can help you:
*http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/2011/10/best-tips-i-can-give-you-for-really.html
*http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/957001/love-advice-man-with-a-temper
A
female
reader, love712 +, writes (2 December 2012):
The foundations of a healthy relationship are trust and respect. When infidelity enters a relationship, the trust and respect are lost. For some couples, infidelity can break the trust and respect in their relationship for good, and many relationships cannot be salvaged. Men often rely heavily on their pride and their masculinity, and when a woman cheats on her boyfriend, he begins to feel insecure about himself. It can be difficult for men to move forward with a woman who has strayed from the relationship.I know you do not want to hear about what your girlfriend did behind your back, but getting the facts straight can help you to decide whether or not there is a future between you and your girlfriend. You mentioned that you called her and she did not pick up the phone because she was with friends. You suspect that because her phone inbox is always empty, she is cheating. Is this the first time you noticed something is not right with your relationship ever since you two got back together? How has she changed? According to Infidelity Coach Dr. Robert Hulzenga, there are several signs of cheating. For instance, your girlfriend has a “sudden preoccupation with her appearance” or she seems “less comfortable around you and is […] easily moved to anger” (Hulzenga)1. I am not saying that these signs of cheating mean that your girlfriend is indeed cheating, but listen to your gut. The intuition may not be right, but if you feel that there might be something going on, be more watchful. If she actually has been dating someone behind your back, then you should absolutely leave this girl. If your girlfriend is cheating, the harsh reality is that she has no respect for you, your feelings, or your relationship. She cannot be trusted.Honesty is always the best policy. I suggest that you sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart conversation. Tell her how you feel. Let her know about your concerns about her behavior recently. According to Psychologist Dr. Marie, “the only way you will know [the truth] is to have a calm discussion with her about where your relationship is going” (Marie)2. Now, if your girlfriend did cheat behind your back and she comes to you apologizing and tells you what she has done, that shows one of two things: she wants you to break up with her, or she wants to tell you what she had done because she is hoping that she can salvage your relationship and make up for her mistakes. Either way, at least you got the truth. If she is sad and apologetic, she is most likely sincere. If she tries to justify and defend her behavior, chances are that she is not looking to work things out. Generally, hearing it from her is much better than catching her in the act or hearing about her infidelity from someone else. If you do in fact find evidence that she cheated on you, do not take responsibility for her mistake. Whether or not the two of you were having relationship problems prior to her infidelity is irrelevant. If she was unhappy, she should have had the courtesy to break up with you, not cheat on you. Cheating should never be excused as a rational approach to dealing with other problems within a relationship. Do not let your self-esteem get to you. Even if you do decide that you are going to be able to forgive your girlfriend and give your relationship another chance, you need to make sure that she understands that what she did was wrong and out of line, considering that you have been nothing but faithful to her. Ultimately, you just have to follow your heart. I know that you love her and would give anything up for her, but you need to ask yourself if your relationship is worth fighting for. You both are very young and have been in an on-and-off relationship. Once again, trust is the most important in a relationship. If you cannot trust her, why stay in the relationship? But if you feel that she is the one person you want to be with forever, maybe consider going to relationship counseling and work on your relationship together. Keep in mind that you have a whole life ahead of you; do not let this ruin you. Here are some links that will further help you:1. Dr. Robert Hulzenga – Infidelity Coach http://www.womansdivorce.com/signs-of-cheating.html2. Dr. Marie – Psychologist and Marriage/Family Counselor http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/12/19/worried-girlfriend-is-cheating/3. Truth About Deception – Advice about Lying, Infidelity, Love and Romance http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/
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A
female
reader, Pink6994 +, writes (29 November 2012):
In every relationship there are doubts; doubts about commitment, trust, and honesty. It is normal to think that your partner is lying. In almost every relationship there is always some degree of doubt. This doubt can be caused by a number of things leading up to suspicious behavior. The result of suspicious behavior can lead to feelings of mistrust and disbelief. Her behavior brings you to believe she is hiding and keeping things from you. It sounds like you feel she is lying to you about the cheating and phone call. I recommend exploring all possible outcomes and investigate each situation before you quickly suspect she is lying.
It is obvious to me that you were quite hurt after she left you for six months. Having a relationship with someone for seven years is a long time. Are you sure she left “without any reason?” Being with her for seven years should have given you more of an insight on the real problem. Maybe your eyes were closed for too long to notice. After six months she returned to you with an apology. You were so quick to accuse her of cheating that you did not even give her the chance to explain herself. The question you asked her was if she left you because there was another guy. She replied with a no. The only answer you were willing to accept was yes. Did you ever think to ask her why she left instead of just assuming it was because of a guy? You accused her of lying without any actual hard evidence. How can you be so sure that she is lying? According to a therapist named Mark Tyrrell “you are much more likely to catch someone out in a lie if you give them a chance to lie.” Of course you would need to have evidence so when she does lie you know it is a lie. Did she do anything that would make you believe she is lying? Saying you “don’t believe her” will not help your situation. Do you honestly not believe her or are you making up excuses to not trust her after she broke your trust? She broke your trust by leaving you and now you are finding ways to break her trust by accusing her of lying. According to a therapist named Jennie Estes “you will have to resolve the past so it doesn’t interfere with your current behavior.” Trust is a key factor in a successful relationship. If you feel like you are being lied to then you need to express your feelings to her. Look deeper inside yourself to help find the reason that is making you believe she is lying to you.
Another important factor in a relationship is communication. On November third you stated that you called her twenty five times. Was there an urgent reason for you to be calling her that much in an hour? It seems like you need to know where she is and what she is doing at all times. When she did not answer her phone right away you came to the conclusion that it was because she was busy with another call. But when she called you right back an hour later she explained that she was at a friend’s house and was not talking to anyone before she called you. You refused to believe her so you checked her phone to see if anyone had called. To your surprise there were no phone numbers listed. What makes you so convinced that she is lying when the evidence that she is not is right in front of you? Is it that hard for you to believe her? Even after the evidence presents itself you are still convinced that she must have deleted the numbers. If you were my friend I would advise you to give her some breathing room. Do not call her twenty five times in an hour to get ahold of her. In her eyes it might be seen as obsessive and controlling. Just call once and leave a message for her to call you back. Also learn to let go. I know she hurt you bad when she left but you need to forgive her. You need to trust her to be telling you the truth. Find it inside yourself to give her another chance. If you follow these tips then you will have a stronger and longer lasting relationship.
Relationships are built around trust and love. You clearly love her enough to take her back after leaving you for six months. But why now is it so difficult for you to believe her? Everything she says seems like a lie to you. If you cannot learn to trust her again then your relationship will always be torn. To fully love someone you need to believe what they say is the truth. You do not call your partner a liar if there is no evidence or the evidence clearly shows no signs of betrayal. In the end you are lying to yourself if you think you truly love her.
For more information about relationship advice including trust and lying, check out the following Web sites:
o http://www.estestherapy.com/resources/jennines-articles/quick-tips-on-how-to-build-your-trust-in-your-relationship
o http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/how-to-tell-lying/
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A
female
reader, Answer  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 If you really Love her, stop being Cynical. stop looking every thing through a micro mirror. Give her some space and freedom. If you truly love her and plans your future with her, you should learn to trust her more. Sit her down and talk to her openly about your trust issues,make clear about your expectations from her that you dont want to be cheated again. I think an open communication and trusting each other should solve your proble. Will you Luck.
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