A
female
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anonymous
writes:Would you be uncomfortable if your bf was going out partying with a girl, every weekend, and sometimes even during the week, but not just any girl, a girl who has a major crush on him, a girl who has made moves on him?My bf is doing all of the above. And whats worst, is he told me that on new years eve she tried to kiss him. He still continues to go out with her.Hes always out with her all the time, and taking heaps of photos of them hugging and there arms around each other etc.This really upsets me. I cant tell him how I feel in fear ill be labeled the clingy, obsessive, jealous, irrational gf. And really, is he going to understnad how I feel? I mean, if he has the same values and beliefs as me as to what is right and wrong, he wouldnt be doing this would he? So is there even any point in telling him how i feel? Is what hes doing wrong? How would you feel and how would you deal with it? Just another bit of information, I have this guy friend, and we are JUST friends thats for sure. We never flirt, and we both only see each other as friends. We dont phsyically touch each other like my bf and this girl does. We dont go out late night partying all the time, if i do go clubbing (on the odd occasion) or something with him, i always ask my bf to come along. So our relationship is nothing for him to be jealous of. But he gets jealous if I ever hang out with him, even though our relationship is 100% innocent. And if i do hang out with my male friend, boy do i pay the next day! Its like hes trying ot have a competition with me. He cant stand to see me hang out with another guy, so then he grabs his girl friend who has a crush on him, and will do something that will really make me upset, more then the time before. I never tell him though, because I fear that if i let him know how i feel, he will continue playign this childish game.I feel like i cant even talk to my friend, because i know that my bf will find out, and he will do something hurtful to get me back. I feel like i have to compete with this girl for my bf's attention. i feel like he cares more about her then he does about me. he uses the excuse that shes leaving soon. but come on, they have only been friends for less then two months!! how can he be so attached to her?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (4 February 2009):
 What a dip!!
Seriously, on this specific web page I see about 56725468 reasons NOT to be with this guy and find someone much, much, much, much better. Respect yourself, this guy clearly doesn't. You deserve a guy who makes you feel a whole lot better about yourself and doesn't feel compelled to compete or make you feel uncomfortable with his actions.
I vote: ditch him GOOD.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (4 February 2009):
 Honey you are letting the guy treat you like dirt!!!
You say he is your B/F but he is acting more like her's. Dump him!!If he had any respect for you he wouldn't do this to you. Sorry but thats my opinion... he's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 February 2009):
Just because the holiday cost money doesn't mean you have to go on it.
Do you actually want to pay to spend a week avoiding sex and all his crap to try and get it because you know you are going to dump him?
Tell him now that it is over and he may be able to get a friend to buy your holiday off you and transfer it into his name.
And I know that it's hard when he's being all sweet but just keep thinking of all the photos of them together and the pain you felt rather than falling to the floor trying to pick up the tiny crumbs of affection he throws out.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy am i putting up with this? well i guess because i do care for him, and i thought 'maybe this is normal, maybe there isnt anything wrong with him, maybe im the problem, maybe im the one with issues'. Also, we have already booked an expensive holiday in 1 weeks time (it was booked al ong time in advance, before these probelms started). so i feel kinda trapped until that is over. i feel like i have to go on pretending everything is ok, but i dont know if i can. i feel sick at thethought of spending a whole week with him, sharing a bed, and having him all over me, trying to get action out of me (we havent had sex together), and all i will be able to see in my mind is him and her.
oh and one more thing, Emilyanswers, he met this girl before i met my guy friend, so i dont think hes doing it to get back at me as such for that, but me hanging around with him def does set him off.
thankyou both for your advice, i know you are both right, but its so hard to just leave him. every time i think about telling him its over, he will start giving me attention, and i will just forget for a minute everything else that hes done.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 February 2009):
None of the things he is doing are acceptable. Why are you still hanging around him?
He may be doing this because he has issues about your male friend but that doesn't make it all right. It just means he's childish and can't actually string a sentence together to try and talk about it.
This is clearly disrespecting you and it basically says to me that he enjoys hurting you to show you that he can. Every time he goes out with her, or shows posts a photo of them, think of it as a small slap in the face, just to show you who's boss.
Just leave, cut contact and when he eventually notices you have gone and comes to find out why then you can tell him he is free to go off with all the girls he wants now, and you are doing him a favour since he obviously doesn't have the balls or decency to do it himself.
Good Luck!! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): dump his ass honestly investing in the same screwed up situation will only screw u up and it wont make u better it is a hopeless situation n no amount of talking can fix it since the basics aren't there take it 4rm me i invested in a relationship 4 ten yrs was determined to be married to the guy thought he'd change but effortless love ...there's nothing like it!! It helps you grow n reach ur potential but in this situation ul always b in the rut!! Tc n change ur life b4 its too late !!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust some more details:
They are always flirting, even in front of me.
When hes aroudn her, theres something about his face, that makes it me feel like he does have feelings for her. Its like he just lights up.
They go out every fri and sat night, and sometimes wed's and thur's too.
When do i get to see my bf??
Hmm maybe for an hour or two on a mon or tue. def not a sun cuz hes recovering from his partying!
This has been going on ever since he met her. Which is jsut under 2 months.
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