A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am distraught i have just given birth to a baby boy and the father has said he wants nothing to do with him.He is married and we had an affair for a few months when he found out i was pregnant he got caught at the same time. He wanted to stay with his family and his wife let him but he is NOT allowed any contact with me at all !!!!! he is paying child support and says i have wrecked his life because he could still lose his family because of this as it was my decision to keep the baby.I have respected what he has asked and stayed away so he can try and make a go of restoring his family.Je says he is only staying for his children as he stopped loving his wife a long time ago.We were both to blame and i hold my hands up to that but i have faced my responsibility and i am very able to do this alone.,but he did promise to support me when he knew i was going to keep the baby
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): This recently happened to me, my husband had an affair and she became pregnant. I didnt find out until after the child was born and because he was having to start paying child support. Of course I dont want anything to do with this child and I dont want my husband to either. I have decided to stay with him basically because of our 2 children who love him dearly, our youngest was born after the affair. I know it is not the childs fault but the mother should take some of the responsiblity and realize that she had an affair with a married man who had no intention on leaving his family. Yes he was wrong also but she is trying to put all the blame on him, what is she going to tell her child when he asks her why he doesnt have a daddy? She now is constantly emailing asking when he is going to see the child. My husband says he has decided that he does not want anything to do with the child at this point and is only paying child support. My advice to her is if there is someone in her life who is willing to be a father to this child then let it happen. That is better than my husband seeing the child once year. Im still very hurt and angry and dont know if it will ever go away. Everyone always feel sorry for the mother of the child well there was another party in this affair and she needs to accept her part of it and move on. My responsiblity is to my own children and they are already going to be affected by this now and in the future. I dont want anyone to know about this and I hope to take it to my grave.
A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (30 September 2008):
 Before reading anyone else's answer, the first thing that comes to my mind is:
YOU wrecked HIS life?!!!?!!! Give me a freagin break!!!!
It takes two to tango and you didn't make him shove his d@#k in you!! He did it by choice and a poor choice at that!! I'm not going there saying that you reap what you sow, I'm sure you've been hearing those words all too often, but you are no more to blame than he is. You are both guilty for what happened and he is trying to place blame when he has NO right!
Sorry, if I got a bit carried away there, but men like that get my blood boiling.
Sweetie, be thankful he's paying you child support, because there are so many dead beat sperm donors out there you could have been stuck with one of those on top of what happened.
I'm sorry you are going through the situation of being a single mom, but it could be worse. Don't take anymore of his verbal abuse... make him pay his child support... take care of the baby... take care of you... and DON'T make this mistake again.
You don't actually have a question in your post, but if you are wondering if he will support you? He is... with child support and you shouldn't expect anymore from him. He cheated on his wife and family with you, he got caught in his web of lies to you and caught doing what he promised not to do the day he took his vows to his wife. Just pray that one day he will make an effort to know his son and he will teach his son values and morals much like the ones he "doesn't" have.
Good luck and being a single mom isn't always bad. I was one for 5 years and it'll make you stronger and more independent. I'm sure you are a wonderful mom.
Take care,
Michelle
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): Thanks for your replies i suppose i am asking will he one day want contact with his son i know he is not allowed whilst he is in his marriage so i suppose i am asking will his marriage last if there where problems before his affair and now that he has fathered a baby plus the financial implications? he said the situation is wrecking his life and he can still lose everything i dont know what he meant by this as we have had no more contact.I know i shouldnt have got involved with him but i did and i cant turn back the clock but i wouldnt change having my son for anything.
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A
male
reader, Talksense  +, writes (25 September 2008):
So What is it your asking? This is the chance you take when you have an affair with a married man. He says he no longer loves his wife, so why has he gone back there for? He obviously is lying you don't have to stop for the kids as he could could pay support for them as well if he didn't love his wife, and why did he say you nearly wrecked his life for keeping the baby and almost losing his family?
The Guy is very selfish, you done the right thing keeping the baby and let him pay as he shouldn't have gone with you if he was worried about losing his family. Tho i can't help but think that for a woman of your age and experience you have made a very girlish mistake and should never have been allowed to be messed about as much as this. You surely could have found someone who would have respected you much more, especially as you've been so understanding towards him giving him the chance to restore his family.
Good Luck with everything anyway!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): well the way i see it is,YOU did not wreck his life.it takes two to make a baby,you didnt do it on your own.and you made the responsible decision in keeping it.he has to step up and tell his wife that even though he made a mistake,the child is still his and a child doesnt deserve to suffer becuz of this.if he wants to stay with her then he needs to make her realize that what happened happened,like it or not.when a child is brought into the situation its not just about the grown ups anymore.she is selfish for asking him to not be a part of its life,and he is selfish for allowing her to make him do it.just becuz the baby was the result of an affair doesnt make it any less his responsibility.you need to make him realize that he cant just ignore this and move on like nothing happened......a baby happened,and that is a big deal.its important for a child to have his father in his life in some way even if the two of you arent together
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 September 2008):
 He promised to support you.
The same promise he made to his wife to be true and all the other stuff in his wedding vows?
He cheated on his family with you. Now he cheated on you. Big suprise.
Consider yourself lucky he is paying child support without you having to jump through hoops and lots of legal battles and raise the baby on your own.
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