A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi!I am 32 years old and I am married with 2 kids. I have been married for almost 6 1/2 years now and had been having problems with my marriage. I have been working so hard in communicating with my wife what the problems are but she just doesn't seem to get it. I have always expressed my concern with regards to her lack of intimacy, friendship, and passion in our marriage. How I felt that she was not exerting the effort to work on these things. I don't want to have a marriage at this early stage where she would more likely talk to me about what's needed in the house, money, what errands she needs me to run, etc. It just didn't feel like a marriage. She just didn't feel like a wife to me.It is hard to be the only one doing everything for the relationship, I mean, somewhere along the way, you lose steam. That's what happened to me about a year and a half ago. When I lost steam, it began to feel like she was just a housemate/roommate in our house. It's terrible.Recently, I got into an affair. It's a breath of fresh air and I realized how I have been missing out. I felt so happy, loved and alive! I also felt so deprived and I felt this overwhelming sense of self-pity. However, as much as this is perfect for me, we had to end it because it was wrong. I spoke to her about it and she agreed that what we were doing was wrong. It lasted for only 1 1/2 weeks but it was the greatest. However, as we were taking a difficult step back and everything seemed to be doing ok, she got to talk to a friend who is also sort of her mentor. What really kills me now is that she just left/disappeared without saying a word! She did not answer any of my text messages or phone calls. I just can't believe how she can do this. She just cut all communications or connections. It's been 3 weeks now and it bothers me so much that I lose sleep over it. I didn't want it to end this way and all I wanted was closure. What should I do? I'm having a hard time moving on with so many questions in my mind. Thanks so much!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): You had sex with this woman for 1.5 weeks and now u think she owes u? At least she smelt the rat early enough and she decided her life was more bloody important than sneaking around with a MM.
You resent your wife yet now that this other person rejected u as well, can u not see red flags?
Why not work on your sex life with your wife. In this way u will not go looking fir excitement else where.
U seem bored in your marriage. U are frustrated. Seems like YOU want out not your wife. If that is the case then release your wife.I am sure she too wants to just get on with her life, without all this drama.
Marriage is bloody hard work buster. Either u are fully committed or not.
As for the other woman, she had a lucky escape.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 Hello, my friend.
I'm sorry that you have to learn this the hard way, but here it is ... affairs do not get closure. Affairs, by their very nature, exist outside of socially-sanctioned parameters. What that means is that while the affair went on, the two of you created a social network of your own with which to communicate.
However, breaking off an affair means that one party has to make a clean break. That means no contact, and that is often for good. Breakups of that nature mean that you will grieve the end of that relationship by yourself; that is simply the nature of the beast. You live by the affair, you bleed by the affair.
You will not get closure, and you should not expect it for your affair partner's sake. She has her own work to do now, and she was gracious enough to leave you to your work.
Now, you can start on the business of figuring out if you want to stay married to your wife (remember her?) or not ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): What were you expecting ??? You made someone feel special and then you decided to end it??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the response. I am fine with the letting go but it was just so abrupt. It just happened! She left! Cut off all our communications and left without saying a word. We have already agreed and talked about it. Why did she need to go so abruptly? I didn't know what she and her friend talked about, but whatever it is, I think she should have at least talked to me one last time. I just don't get it. I felt like somebody stabbed me in the back, ran away and left me to die! It felt so hostile and I was left in the dark. This was also very hard for me but I had to do it. I have also already sought help with my marriage.
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