A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with an abusive boyfriend. We have two children together and were together for 3 years. He had a drinking problem, and a problem with drugs while we were together. He says that he has given both of it up and that they both were the reasons for him abusing me. He has recently been attending N/A (Narcotics Anonymos) meetings. I do miss him and would love to have a life with him, but not if things stay the same. Do you think it's possible that he could change?
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male
reader, pirry911  +, writes (10 December 2009):
It is totally up to you my dear friend but I would say no, is way to soon,if he really loves you he will do the impossible to stay clean and sober and I will really recommend this guy to keep going to his meetings it will make a very big difference in his life and in yours too. I wish you good luck to both of you and god bless you and your entire family.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): My boyfriend of 14 yrs and 3 kids later has just left me. I am absolutely devastated, but I am reminded that he has done this before and I was stupid enough to take him back. He also has a major drug problem. I have been told by him numerous times that he would change but never has. Even when we were working things out he still had to go get his pot. He would be very angry and irritable if he did not have it. Recently, he got into Crack pretty bad and then left me to go live with the female drug dealer. Apparently she smokes too, but also has it when ever he wants it. He must be turned on by it. Who knows. All I know is I think it is possible to change, but don't count on it!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much, you have been very helpful.
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A
female
reader, lovely lilly  +, writes (6 October 2008):
he wont change my botfreind blamed the drink and drugs untill he badly badly beated me infront of 2year old daughter who has now been put in to cear. the thing is he had no drink are drugs. the anger is always their it has to be their for the drink and drugs to bring it out dont risk your kids being taken of you x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your help!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): If he's going to NA meetings it shows he knows he's got a problem which is the first big hurdle to jump over. However, he could be telling you one thing and doing another. If these meetings are anything like AA meetings, some of them are 'open' where relatives or partners may also attend. If so, I'd suggest you go along with him just to make sure he goes when he says he does. You may end up the wiser for attending anyway.
Could he change? Yes he could if he's determined enough. To aid that determination he needs to be told that the two of you absolutely do NOT have a future together if he relapses into his previous behaviour.
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A
male
reader, IRDave +, writes (6 October 2008):
 It's very possible he could change but as you have said, you have only broken up recently. I'd give it more time. You can't be sure that once you're back with him he won't just relapse back into old habits so give him time to 'find' himself. When you are sure he is stable, and only then, should you consider starting things again. You owe it to yourself and your children.
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A
female
reader, anon642 +, writes (6 October 2008):
 Yes i think he could change.
If he has been going to these N/A meetings, then he's seeking help for his problems, which is great. Its a way of him showing you that he's taking responsibility for his actions and a way of apologising.
It's also him showing you that he has had enough of the drink and the drugs and wants to be a good father to his children.
So yes in my opinion he could very well change.
As far as you taking him back goes, why not go out together, you and him, with no intentions of anything sexual, take it slow, then another occasion- you, him and your children.
Slowly allow him to re-enter your life and your children on a regular basis. This will help you in figuring out if you want to re-start your relationship or not, as well as of he really has changed.
Hope this helps; all the best.
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