A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've fallen in love with a 40 year old man. He's everything to me and makes me happier than i ever been. I'm only 16, so there is a 24 year age gap. My mum hates him and is making life at home hell. All i want to do is move out, to live with this guy as he has asked me. I'm scared my Mum will never want to see me again though if i leave on bad terms. If i stay at home though I will have to stop seeing this man, which is too painful as i love him so much. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jess26  +, writes (6 June 2008):
i dont think this is the best situation . im 25 now and i look back on some of my relationships when i was 16 and 17 etc. I thought they were the one...it was gonna last forever. Look no matter what anyone tells u....ur gonna do what u wanna do...if u wanna stay with him u are going to but i can only plead with u to not move out of your home PLEASE!!!! Stat home maybe anoher yr or two...trust me...ull understand in a few yrs why iv urged u to stay home
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Here's my take on those questions.
Why does this guy want to be with a 16 year old?
Because they found love in each other.
He maybe old in age but he is still like an adolescent kid.
What do you actually have in common?
Loving each other.
One is youth and the other is experience and they complement each other.
Why is he not with someone nearer his own age?
Because women their age have got lots of baggage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): Just because you are legally allowed to have a sexual relationship with this guy does not make this a good idea.Just think about it -Why does this guy want to be with a 16 year old? What do you actually have in common? Why is he not with someone nearer his own age?Does he love you, or just love the sex he can get from you a lot more easily than he would be able to from someone more mature?Frankly, it sounds like he may well be taking advantage of you. I know I'm not really a fantastic one to talk, as I had a sexual relationship at the age of 18 with a man (my teacher) in his thirties, however there is a LOT of growing up done between 16 and 18.PS: Cute angel, check your facts before you post. In the UK the age of consent is 16.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (2 June 2008):
Not every 16 year old have the same maturity levels.
To group them as too young and simply don't know anything
about love or life is to view the world through our own experience and myopic views.
You are 16 and according to your country's laws ,
you are able to decide whether to consent to sex .
That is a major decision making process.
This means that you are considered matured enough to decide for yourself ,your love and your life.
Do not think that every man who are 40 and are interested in
16 year olds are paedophiles or sex perverts like some aunts here who portray them.
This is a bigoted view .
This is a recent phenomenon like older women going for
younger men in some society which their older minds cannot accept.
Listen to your heart.
Your mum will come around if your love for each other is true.
You have wings and you can fly now .
The decision is yours to make.
Think carefully what you want in life.
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A
female
reader, akannie +, writes (2 June 2008):
WAIT!!!!!!!!! if he is an any way decent man he would not be having a relationship with you when the age difference is so large. you are only 16 you've a lot of growing up to do! you have not lived and grown into yourself yet!! Remember your Mum is only trying to protect her child, what she sees is someone who is old enough to be your Dad taking advantage of her little girl, it's only natural that she have major worrys. i'd be very concerned to if i were her. Many middle age men find having a young girl madly in love with them a complete ego trip. she only has your welfare at heart. many large age gap relationship fizzle out very quickly leaving a very broken heart child behind. at the age of 14 i fell madly deeply totally and completely in love with a 34 year old. although he felt an attraction to me. he basically sat me down told me how he felt and told me i was too young at the present time for it to work, he'd be taking advantage of a child. he told me to go away and live abit. I thought my world was going to end i'd never survive with out him, but he was adamant that nothing could or would happen until i was at lot older. eventually i got on and started living my life. we did eventually get together again when i was in my twentys and have been married for 20 years. if he truly loves you he'll be prepared to cool things for a while and let you grow a mature woman who can give more to your relationship. if you want a relationship with him give it few years before moving in with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): hey little young lady, what about knocking your head on the wall so you will realise that 16 and 40 is just a relation for a father and daugther. i was in that age before, i also fall in love which i thought i was in love BUT I AM NOT" im just in the state of puvirty.. and need somebody to talk to comport me when i need somebody to put my emotion. sometimes we thought we are in love but we are not". its only our emotion, what about that man u are talking about is he insane or just simply a maniac? does he even think him self? he is 40 and u are 16 does he even think of emotionally abuse, he knew that u need someone to talk and to comfort you and he take it for granted.. if i were your mom, i put that man on the court. GET OUT OF THAT HONEY" YOU ArE STiLl YOUNG.. still have good thing will happen to you.. DONT CLOSE YOUR EYES HONEY' LOOK FORWARD........
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A
female
reader, Upenn_09  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Hello sweets!
I have dated several guys that are 10 years older than me (i'm 20) and even then my friends think that I'm crazy, (my mom's okay she actually likes relationships where the guy is older than the girl for many reasons however, I know that she wouldn't be a fan of a guy that's her age).
I can kinda relate to you but here's what I think:
I think that you are way too young to move in with him. I'm even questioning him for asking you to move in.
Second, we females are very easily to convince (i'd like to think that it's in our nature), or persuade and we fail to see/ignore out instincts. You are way too young! at your age you should be going out the movies with your friends, thinking about school dances.. not worrying about moving in with a 40 year old. Even when I dated those 30 year olds I knew that it wouldn't last/work because they're not into many of the things I like... They are far more experienced in life and I would honestly be scared of it...
NOw, I'm going to ask you something else. At your age, if you can name 7-10 character traits that you ABSOLUTELY don't like about him YET still love him then I'd say that you in fact know this guy and maybe you know each other well enough to move in... but still my instinct is telling me that there is something WRONG about it..
I don't mean to criticize or make you feel uneasy about your relationship but think about what will happen if you move in? (you mentioned your mom cutting you off), so most likely you'll depend on him for emotional matters, (maybe financially) do you think it's healthy?.
Also the older we get, the less confident we become, what will happen when you want to hang out and he's too tired becuase of work? what will happen when your friends want to hang out 'til late and he might not feel comfortable hanging out with a bunch of 16-yr olds.
Now, this is what happened to me at one of the events when I took a 35 year old with me:
Since I can't drink I told him that he could just get the wristband that allowed him to get a drink and then we'd share it but when we were both at the entrance and they were checking IDs, they stared at him and the bouncer said out loud to him (and me):
" I see you are older than me!... hey girl! you've got yourself an old foey!"
We were both so uncomfortable and some of the guys behind us just started laughing, I mean.. I am not questioning your relationship but how do you think he'll react/feel if someone says something like this?.. and I promise it'll happen... WHat will happen when new friends ask you who that "old man" is?, or when they treat him like if he were to be your dad?
About your mom, I'm sure that you mom is only looking out for you, if she's making things hard is probably because she doesn't know how to react or how to communicate with you about her anxiety/fear for you.
I'm sorry, if I just rambled on but I just don't like the situation you're in... and trust me a 10 year age different is not easy.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (1 June 2008):
 In the UK the age of consent is 16, but it doesn't mean it makes it right dating a guy old enough to be your father.
You don't say how long you two have been together, did you guys get together before you was 16? If you did have a relationship with you before the age of 16, he can be prosecuted by having relations with a minor. Your mum only wants what is best for you, I think you should think long and hard before wanting to make that commitment of moving in with him. You are very young and impressionable and he is taking advantage of that fact.
I have a daughter 2 years older than you and I would be very shocked if she dated a man of that age.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 June 2008):
You mum is handling this very badly, but I am sure you can understand why she is over-reacting this much.
Just try and talk to her and reassure her that you aren't going to run off with him, that you are not having sex, and that you want to show her you can make this work.
I do not want to judge your relationship, but 24 years is a HUGE age gap and it won't just be your mum who over reacts about this. His neighbours are going to notice if you move in with him and he's going to be accused of awful things.
And what if they are right? What if once you turn 18, he loses interest in you because he only likes little school girls?
If you want this relationship to work then stay at home and work at talking to your mum in a calm manner about it all. Show her that he's treating you right, that he's respecting her rules, that he can work to gain her trust.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, cute angel +, writes (1 June 2008):
 hey babe!!!ur 16 and he is 40 almost ur moms age i guess..of course ur mom would advise u to stay away from him..she is totally right!!!at 16 u wana move out leaving ur parents huh for a 40 year old..get bck to ur senses kid!!!listen to ur mom!!!and its illegal by the way that man could be in jail!!
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (1 June 2008):
 isint it child molestation or atleast illegal for ui a 16 yr old to b w/a 40yo? what do u have in common besides sex??? how long have u know him? ur mother is just looking out for u.
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