A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I 34.5 and my girlfriend is 38.5. We've been dating for almost 3 months and knew each other as friends for 2 months before that. I care for her very much, but feel as if I'm constantly being pressured to move quicker than I am comfortable with because of her biological clock. I'm not sure I love her because a) it's only been 3 months and b) the pressure/pace of things is causing me to view her as a source of stress. When I can forget about the clock, we're fine.I have been married once before (for the wrong reasons) and don't have kids. At one point during my marriage I felt as if I were ready, but then things fell apart. I have been divorced for 4 years. I still believe that I will want kids one day, but only when I am sure it is the right person.My girlfriend has never been married and is desparate to have kids. She is concerned that any time not spent advancing down that path is time wasted, and it's hard to argue that. She's taking a huge chance to stay with me, and I can't ensure her that she's "the one" because my feelings are tainted by smothering.I really do care for, but I am struggling to maintain a consistent view of a future together. We get along best, IMO, when not worrying about big issues. Obviously, we will need to get through these big issues if we're going to have a future, but I feel as if I am being smothered and not enjoying the present. She isn't asking for kids or marriage yet, but she is also on a tight timeline. However, I could foresee being ready for kids in the 2 years that it would take to get engaged, married, and go through pregnancy (assuming we stayed together). We broke up once for a few days, and we missed each other very much. We're back together for a week now, but I'm already feeling smothered and pressured again. I honestly don't want to waste her valuable time if we're not meant to be, but I don't want to lose someone that I could be happy, given time for the relationship to develop. Thoughts?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 May 2010):
 That's not what I heard, I heard she went to a fertilization specialist, got implanted, became an octomom, and then, yes, he did have his first heart attack. However he has fully recovered and they now have their own reality show.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 May 2010):
No idea. Hopefully they worked it out.
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A
male
reader, maxed out  +, writes (11 May 2010):
I just wonder what happened to this gentleman and his girlfriend....did they ever achieve a compromise etc..? i am interested as I am going exactly through the same things and just broke up -- I feel bad but I guess had to happen.Any comments please
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): Hiya, This is a really difficult situation for you both. I watched something a few days ago and the debate was that woman around your girlfriends age, if they have not had children more often than not want to have children and do not want to waste time in relationships where a man is not committing to this.The problem im thinking is that if your girlfriend is so keen to have children and that is her ultimate goal is she being her true self in the relationship? That is my thought and i wonder how real someone is being if what they really want is to have a child.It is clear that you are fond of your girlfriend but whilst you feel things are going to fast it sounds like things cant go fast enough for your girlfriend. You could try and make a massive effort to sit down with your girlfriend and explain how you feel and maybe try and reach a compromise. The compromise being that you would like to consider having children but only until you are really sure that she is the one. Again difficult as at the end of it you may still feel you dont want to be a parent yet. I think there are no easy answers to this one, only to try and compromise and to be honest that you feel smothered and you would like to have a relationship without feeling pressured. Sadly your girlfriend is feeling she has a limited window of opportunity to be a mum. All i can emphasise is be honest to her and to yourself now and in the future, being fond of someone would not be a solid base for having a chld together. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 December 2009):
If you don't think you know what you want or that you're not going to anytime soon, then you probably should end the relationship with her. She doesn't want to waste months and years on something that will never happen because her biological clock is ticking. It's sad really, and she's probably going to have to find someone that's willing to rush into things like she is (and those relationship hardly last). However, that person isn't you. So if it's something you're not ready for (and I don't blame you, you've only known her for 5 months) then it's time to break away and quit wasting each others' time.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 December 2009):
There is no future here if she wants kids now and you don't. The fact is, she is running out of time and knows it, and is now feeling incredibly insecure about it. So you can either tell her straight that she's smothering you and driving you away, which might hurt, but might calm her a little, or you can leave her to find someone else. If you do stay,be sure you want kids because there isn't really much compromise here. but if you're unsure, end it now.
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