A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:well at the mo i should be called sad mommie..my daughter has come home tonite and told me she is pregnant..she is only 15..said she wants to go ahead with the pregnancy..im so confused..i cant think straight..told her we will talk tomorrow as she has exams for the next two weeks and she needs sleep..gave her a hug and told her i'm here for her what ever she decides..i just feel like crying..any replies will be appreciated..thanks..xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 It doesn't matter what a woman chooses to do, there will be mental stress. However, when deciding what to do, you must understand the consequences of each.
People just dont talk about those that have kids that dont want kids. What about their stress? What about their mental states? What about all these cases cropping up about mothers killing their kids?
When making decisions like these, it is vital that your current mental state is healthy.
I don't believe that many people who get abortions say that they dont have some regret or felt some sadness. Its all about how these emotions are dealt with afterwards. Yes, there are many cases where the woman is expected to continue on as if nothing happened and many with this attitude that "you chose to do this, get over it." I feel this is the problem.
This is a very complicated issue and all I have to say is that you have to make the decision, no one should force you. And when making the decision, you should be prepared for the emotional stress in any case.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Women may be at risk of mental health breakdowns if they have
abortions, a medical royal college has warned.
The Royal College of Psychiatrists says women should not be
allowed to have an abortion until they are counselled on the possible risk to their mental health.
This overturns the consensus that has stood for decades that
the risk to mental health of continuing with an unwanted
pregnancy outweighs the risks of living with the possible regrets of having an abortion.
From;-
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article3559486.ece
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 June 2008):
You are a team now and if she slags,
you will have to pull more.
There is no such thing as a separation of duties.
You cannot be too calculative .
As a mother you should be there to help and solve her emotional , psychological and financial problems.
She is your baby. You do your best to give her the help and support.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): I know you love her and that, but it's clear shes likely to take advantage of you - leave the baby on you etc.
I suggest that you make it clear, as well as all the fantastic points people have already made, that you won't always be looking after the baby, that she is deciding to be an adult by keeping the baby, and that she will have to deal with her own problems, with her own life and with her own babies life.
Don't say it like that - she'll say your not supporting her and run off - but I'd also point out that the likelyhood of the father staying with her is unlikely...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): It's not a quesion of whether she endures an emotionally-painful abortion or not.It's a question of whether an emotionally-painful abortion is better or worse than the sum total of all the emotional pain that is involved in her keeping the baby and spending 20 years of her life raising it. 20 years of serious effects and compromises on the life of her, her child, the father, the families, etc.
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 No offense but you said, Even in the animal kingdom , they don't do that."
I said it does occur and gave some examples.
That was the point that it does happen in nature. You didn't disprove that.
No offense. Apologies to the OP
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 June 2008):
Sorry the link only send you to YouTube.
You need to type 'Battle at Kruger' in the search window.
or go to this link
http://www.pinksuzie.com/2007/08/13/battle-at-kruger/
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 June 2008):
BATTLE AT KRUGER..!
Watch this amazing real life video about a battle in the African savannah.
How several lions attack a group of buffalo's, snatching a buffalo calf.
It was filmed by US tourist Dave Budzinski while he was on a guided safari.
'Herding animals will kick and kill their own young to protect the herd during attack or kill often crippled or injured.'
This video will debunk your theory.
Sorry to side track from this issue.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): Find someone who has a baby you can "borrow." Have your daughter take care of it like it was her own for a week. That means 24-hr care and that includes paying for everything herself. Set this up right away, don't wait three months.
You daughter having to care for this baby for a week is a very minor task in the big picture. Don't let her reason with you that this is some huge psycho-unreasonable request for you to ask of her. For a girl who is about to commit to raising a baby of her own for the next 20 YEARS in a few months, what's an extra 6 or 7 days right now? It's really nothing.
See if she still wants to keep & raise her own pregancy after that.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (7 June 2008):
Mice and cats and most animals will only eat their young's if they were born sickly or unhealthy.
I have never read of herding animals will kick and kill their own young to protect the herd.
When a herd of buffalo's are attacked by lions,
the herd will protect their young offsprings.
Those animals that are weak or sick are mauled because this is natures way of survival of the fittest.
Sorry , don't agree with your views.
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot +, writes (7 June 2008):
Actually the animal kingdom does do this and often.
Herding animals will kick and kill their own young to protect the herd during attack or kill often crippled or injured.
Mice, hamsters, etc actually will eat their own young.
Fish eat their own
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (7 June 2008):
"It IS possible to have an abortion and actually be *happy* with that decision. "
I do not agree with this statement .
How can you be happy snuffing out the life of another living
being who is perfect and innocent so that you can enjoy a better life ?
Why did you bring the baby into this world and wantonly end it's life?
Even in the animal kingdom , they don't do that.
Your happiness for the price of an innocent life!
If you go to the Daily Mail online site and type in the search windows for past articles on "Abortions" ,
you will find that many regretted it more than those happy about it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (7 June 2008):
If you are worried about the financial cost of bringing up the baby,
you can get the state grants from the Works and Pension Department in your area or you can surf on this link ;-
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/index.htm
Type ,'child support' in the search window.
You can get state grants and maybe housing if you are a student ,single and pregnant.
All the best to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I am pro-choice, very pro-choice-- but that also means that if your daughter does not want an abortion, do NOT make her have one! The best you can do is inform her as well as you can of all her options. You can of course give her your opinion on what you think is best, but in the end she is the one who must make the decision. It's sad that she must grow up so fast, but after all throughout history and in all cultures, mothers have often been as young as your daughter, and many have done quite well. Before anybody pushes adoption on your daughter, I suggest they read "The Girls Who Went Away"http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Who-Went-Away-DecadesBefore/dp/0143038974Good luck to you and hang in there! You're already to be praised for having the sense to be open to advice before settling on a course of action. Your support of your daughter is also wonderful!
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot +, writes (6 June 2008):
I will go with the have the abortion camp. You are the mother of a minor and if she has the baby, you will be the one taking care of it.
At 15, people aren't allowed to make legal decisions, drive, go to war, get married, etc. and why...? because they are not fully matured mentally enough to make those types of decisions. Teens really can't see the consequences nor can they see the future past the next week.
She may be mad at you but I bet later on she will thank you for saving her life from being ruined.
Best wishes in whatever happens.
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A
female
reader, bday121 +, writes (6 June 2008):
 The most important thing is to not force ANYTHING on your daughter. If she wants an abortion then you should absolutely support that decision. Really, that's the best option, but it's all up to her. Other people like to paint abortion as some horrible, diasterous thing that ruins women's lives and drives them into depression. That's not true. Thousands of women have gotten abortions and they didn't "ruin their lives" or "forever live with regret and sorrow". It IS possible to have an aboriton and actually be *happy* with that decision. I know many women in my own life who feel that way. (Imnotsorry.net has more stories like this). Of course, if your daughter does decide to have her baby, you should be supportive of that as well. She'll resent you if you pressure her either way.But think about the situation. Your daughter is 15. No matter how "mature she is for her age", she's still not ready to raise a child. What about the father? Is he "mature" yet? Do you honestly think he'll be in the child's life? Can your daughter and he pay for the child's expenses? You daughter might potentially drop out of high school and she most definitely will struggle with college, if she even can manage to go at all. Will your daughter's image suffer? She will most certainly face ridicule and harrassment during pregnancy (and after) for being a teen mother. Is your daughter ready to stop partying and put her entire focus on a baby? Will YOU be stuck raising this baby while she's trying to get her life together? Would you be willing and happy to do that? Can you afford to support your daughter AND her baby? And what about later, will this baby have a father in it's life? Will your daughter mature fast enough to be a good mother, or will you be saddled with all the parental responsibilities? A child deserves two mature parents, not one grandmother. If your daughter has this baby her entire life will change. She will struggle with schooling and most likely not get as good of a job as she wants. She will struggle with meeting her life goals. I'm sure you know how much having a baby changes your whole life. And one very important point is that your daughter has THE REST OF HER LIFE to have children. She has at least 20, maybe 30 fertile years ahead. You daughter would be best off waiting until she was settled down to have kids. That way they can be raised in a better situation. I really don't see any positives for her having this baby, except that children can fulfill your life and make you happy. But like I said, she has her whole life to do that. What's the rush?Adoption is often considered the "better" option, but I disagree. Your daughter will still have to go through pregnancy, and face all the potential ridicule from judgemental people. Her image will suffer. Plus, what happens if she gets so attached that she doesn't want to give the baby away? That's a very common hazard with adoption. And what happens if she has some random person knocking on her door 25 years from now demanding, "Why didn't you want me, Mom?" Sounds silly, but it happens all the time. Of course, adoption is a gift, and your daughter could make a couple very happy. But seeing as how there's millions of orphaned children around the world, and in the US, I really don't see why we need another adoptable child. The world's over-crowded enough, why add to it?Your daughter has three options. You could research them more thoroughly and try to gather as much information as you can. (I suggest you avoid religious websites, though, as they're VERY biased and sometimes give false information. Planned Parenthood's website is much more neutral toward all options.) Calmly and sensitively explain to her the benefits and disadvantages of each option and tell her to really, really think about it. This is a decision that is very serious. You're doing the right thing be being supportive. Whatever you do, though, don't be too forceful or pressure her into anything. It's your daughter's choice.
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A
female
reader, oxxvickixxo +, writes (6 June 2008):
I got pregnant at 15, I know it wasn't what I wanted but I had an abortion, I'm not proud of it but I am glad in a way as i know i wouldn't have been able to cope..On the other hand, my freind got pregnant at 16. she found out just after she had split from her boyfriend and decided she was going to have an abortion due to this. she feels that this is something she should not have done now and tells me there is not a day goes by that she doesn't think about what she has done.i guess everyone is different and if you try and persuade your daughter into something she doesn't want to do she will probably live to resent it and possibly you for pushing her into it (not that that's what your doing)All you can really do is be supportive and talk to her.. I would say 15 is a good age to be able to allow her to make her own decision but you must talk this through with her, I know another girl who had a baby at 15 but she kept bad company. Now the dad is trying to have custody of the baby as she goes out and gets drunk almost every night. If your daughter is sensible I think she could do well..Good luck xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your advice..when she got up this morning i told her to come straight home from school so we can talk..i have booked an appointment to see her doctor for tuesday think we both need to talk to a proffessional..i feel like my baby is having a baby..told her this morning i will support her if she procedes but will not be there financially but will be there emotionally, also bought the subject up of abortion said she will not have an abortion and not to talk her into one..so i have told her we will write a list tonite of pros and cons, also asked why protection wasnt used said the condom split dont know if i believe that one..she told ME she leaves school at 6 months and works from home and goes to school when babys born and carries on with exams asked her who looks after baby said the dad so i said what if hes working who then answer was i dunno see i said there is a hell of a lot to think about,she has been going to the brook advisory clinic with her friend and that is the advice they have given her,also told her to go home and talk to me, i dont believe in abortion but under extreme circumstanses childs well being both physical and emotionall i have to say id consider the possability ..will keep you all posted and thanks dont really want to talk to friends and family until a decision has been made xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (6 June 2008):
I am sorry , I don't think I will subscribe to the idea of
letting a 15 years old to make a major and important decision of her own in her life.
Do you think they are matured and rational enough to understand the consequences of their actions?
I believed it is the parents responsibility to accept the situation and act accordingly .
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (6 June 2008):
Don't be a sad mommie.
You should be happy and blessed to have a grandchild.
Children are a blessings from God.
Look at it from the positive angle.
When you hold your grandchild in your arms ,
you will find there is no other joys that your grand child can give you.
Do not worry too much , take each day as it comes .
Pray daily to God and have faith in Him.
He will provide for the child and all his needs.
Having a baby does not mean that she will lose the best part of your life.
It is just that phases in your life will have to adjust with the coming of the baby.
Everyone goes through different phases in their life and not necessarily in the same order.
Everything happens because God wills it.
Find out from her , who the father is and talk to his parents .
You need to find out where they stand on this issue.
You can find more support from this links;-
http://www.pregnancy-crisis.org.uk/
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/pregnancyandfamily/support_groups.shtml?tab_id=18
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (6 June 2008):
The problem here is, if she wants to keep the baby and you force an abortion as some suggest, she will resent her decision for the rest of her life.
I know she is only 15 and she needs guidance on this matter but maybe you can tell her about her options instead of telling her what to do. Tell her that she can keep it, adopt, or get an abortion. Tell her about what she will have to go through with each of these options-the good and bad. Tell her you will support her no matter what her decision is and that you LOVE her.
I think you need to think about how to approach her at this point and make sure she understands to the best of her ability, the consequences of her choice.
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A
male
reader, iamthesupreamegod +, writes (6 June 2008):
 its time for her to get a job... yes you said that you will provide support... but that doesn't mean that you will be doin it all... others have said it and i will reiterate... it is a HUGE resposibility... if she wants to keep it then she needs to understand this. she also needs to learn that she is responsible. and yes she needs to get the guy involved and his family has to know... but at this point i am only stating the obvious. i would advise against the abortion, because i know someone who has had an abortion... it makes a lasting impression... and not a good one. sit her down and MAKE SURE she understands what she is in for. best of luck
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Some people will maybe hate me for this ... but if I had a 15year old daughter that was pregnant, I would tell her to get an abortion, or give the child for an adoption. Either way, she would get "rid" of it. I know it sounds horrible, but let me tell you.
Couple of my friends had children in their teens.They have lost their "lifes" .. the best years of their lifes, when everyone is going out, having fun, going to college ... they lost everything, because of the child.
I know it sounds horrible and maybe to some people I sound like a horrible person. But think of your doughter right now. Do you want the best for her? Do you want her to have a good life? or do you want her to play mommy in her teens and sacriface her whole life for the baby?
She is too young!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): maybe she only say that she want to continue because shes a little bit scared of whats going on.. i promise you, if i am the one on your situation.. i wont allow that.. i will sugest an abortion., you still have right because she still minor, she is really young to be a mother, she supposed to be in school, playing computers,playing sports with friends, enjoying the life of being teenagers etc., i will not do it, i will not continue it., maybe she will get mad at you now., but later she will thank you for helping her taking that abortion.. feel sorry is always in the end.. better be realistic than feel sorry in the end... be strong to your decision and good luck.. xxx gladyz
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A
female
reader, nIcE  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 I think that as long as you lend your support (emotionaly not financialy) then things will work out. However is she mature enough to handle a child at this moment? and is her boyfriend willing to be in this childs life forever?
I dont think that you should be buying everything for this baby either because that teaches your daughter nothing. Im guessing that abortion is out of the picture, but has she considered the gift of adoption?
I suppose its difficult to give advice when I don't know how your daughter behaves. Or how the father behaves, I think that if you talk about that a little more we might be able to give you better advice. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): well if she really wants the baby what can you do ? you see a lot of stories in magazines were teenagers have gotten pregnant but they cope alright with some help from there mums. you need to sit down and talk to her she needs to know that babies take all you time and money and she wont be able to a lot of things she will probably want to like go out clubbing with mates when she turns 18 she needs to realise that if she has the baby that she cant keep leaving it with you so she can go out she is to young she's got school to think about GCSE'S. if she has it she will regret it she will wish she hadnt you need to talk to her about all this and after you do if she still wants the baby then there's nothing you can do really you cant stop her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): First off you did the best thing telling her you'd be there for her. Now she is just fifteen and needs you and someone who has gone thru this to help her make an informed decision. Is there a teenage mothers support group in your area? Call her pediatrician they may know of something. She needs to realize this decision is the biggest one she will ever make in her life. Should she decide to proceed you need to make some ground rules and stick to them regardless of how hard it may be should she decide to proceed you are there to support her only to a certain extent she must get boys family involved and figure out how she will support herself and a child for the next 20 years. Good luck to all of you. Dont forget you in the process you will also need support.
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