A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Readers,I am feeling guilty that my 14 year old daughter doesn't want to live me with unless it is on her terms. My whole family disrespect me as does she. My family give her whatever she wants, give her the out and refuse to let me place boundaries.when I have tried to assert myself with my daughter and ask for some respect. She recently told me that I need to give out to her to get respect. My sister has claimed my full pension as she is now looking after my daughter and my daughter doesn't call me anymore, answer my calls or my texts since I have told her that I no longer get any money for her from Centrelink and she will have to get it from her father or my sister who is now claiming money for her and also living in an undeclared defacto relationship with a two year old.I am in a constant state of turmoil as I feel that my hand has been forced in this siutation to either give into my family and my daughter for what they want for her and to get back into the Domestic Violence Cycle or struggle financially to pay my mortgage but perhaps be greatful that I am no longer being underminded by the whole family and will hopefully recover from Major Depression and Anxiety that has been exacerbated over the last 6 months.My depression has been aggravated due to all of the nastiness, bullying and abuse from my whole family including my daugher.I feel lonely and very sad.
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 October 2011):
 Aunty Em has covered all the bases and given exceptionally good advice to you.
Every word Aunty Em said I totally agree with.
Your Good Health and getting good treatment must be your major focus at the moment. Your daughter may be a challenge, but she is getting good care.
Now you need to get some good professional medical care to get you on an even keel too. Please talk to your Doctor?
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 If you are suffering from major anxiety and depression then it is probably a good thing that your daughter doesn't live with you for now.
Everything you have said gives a picture of massive confusion and disruption. The arguments over money, the resentment, the disagreements and demands for respect on all sides.
You cannot change how your daughter behaves or how your family behaves, you can only change how you behave. Right now it seems you have lost your grip and are hoping for some kind of recovery whilst things are still so messed up.
You have to get into the real world and look at how you are coping as a person with life. If you have major depression and anxiety, you need to seek professional help to put you on a stable path and in a position to think with clarity. It is only when you are recovered that you can begin to rebuild your relationship with your child.
14 is a very difficult age at the best of times. Young adults of this age are asserting their independance and voice. They want to make their own decisions and many want to rush into adult life without really thinking about consequences. Your sister and family can probably see this better than you and that is why they are protecting your daughter and offering her some kind of normality whilst you are still going through major difficulties.
You mention domestic violence and money worries but don't elaborate. It seems you have been living through some difficult times and your family have rushed in to offer a safe place for your daughter.
You need to make some changes. Seek treatment for your depression and prove to your family that you want to get back on an even keel. Lots of people go through bad times, often for many years but with the right help it is nothing that cannot be over come.
Whilst going through recovery, you can still build a relationship with your daughter again. Try not to over react to her 'snotty' behaviour. She is a young person trying to make sense of her world. Avoid conflict with her and your family, let them know you are grateful that they are helping you in whatever way they can and make it clear through your seeking professional help, that you are serious about re-establishing your status as mother to your child.
You are seeing your families treatment as bullying and yes, their methods might be a little rudimentary, but from what you have written, the big picture indicates that they are definitely trying to protect your daughter whilst you are so out of control.
Taking back control of your life and healing it will make you feel much stronger and confident, but you do indeed need all the help you can get in order to rebuild the bridges that have been broken.
Good luck.
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