A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is what I want to ask you guys and girls, but mostly guys: can you tell when you have a chance with a woman even for just that night, or are just men absolutely oblivious to the signs and you guys need to be told straight forward yes or no?I travel a lot, sometimes for business sometimes for pleasure, and things of course happen.I am a single women in my early forties, I enjoy sex and those litle adventures make me sometimes very happy.I can't say I'm beautiful, I,m just and average looking woman in good shape. I was told that I look much younger. I really don't have any behavior that is aggressive, I never approach a man or start flirting.basically "I don't speak, until I'm spoken to" lol.There is something about me I guess that i attract attention of guys all the time. and when that happens believe me 98 percent of those is sooo definite NO. Especially in a foreign countries, not US, they start treating you to drink, which im insisting on paying at least for mine, but always they insist on paying, it makes me feel bad.But to make the story shorter I had an experience few days ago that completely shocked me, as this guy in a one of the hotels from the very beginning acted like he owns the situation.He was dragging with me on Saturday night, not leaving me alone where ever I went.I really at one point got so frustrated with him being around all the time, that I just stopped talking. That didn't stop him. He looked awful for his age, I thought he was at least 10 years older that me with hanging neck and cheeks, scrawny, bad teeth and definite case of ADD. Didn't listen to what I had to say, had told me the story of his whole family.it was just awfulAt one point I said, ok,I'm going to my room. And I couldn't believe my ears when this troll said, why, I thought we were going to have a little fun today???I turned around as at that point, I was up to me ears with him,and said: you must be joking ? When and where did you get this insane idea that you have even the slightest chance? I know I could be nice and just tell him that I need a sleep and just leave, but he pissed me off so much with this nonsense. I'm not saying again that I'm a knock out, I know where I stand but doesn't he? It would be the same thing for me if I had any idea in my head that all the 25-30 years old want to sleep with me.I m not saying it never happenes, but I know my place, and if that happens, I take as me being lucky to have this gorgeous guy in my bed. But I never ever make any advances or even look at them any more, because I know it's completely out of my leaque, when there are plenty of gorgeous 20 years old out there.So my question for you guys is, can't you read the signs, can't you tell that we are not interested? can we women just talk to you friendly without you assuming that it wil lead to some action?I went to my room that night, thinking did he really think that he can have a woman like me with for first looking like that like a little troll and with this blabbing all night? Doesn't he knows his place and what kind of women he is able to get?I met this young man in Italy few months ago, really young in his late 20 s. He invited me out, and when I saw that smile and that face when i opened my door when he came to pick me up, I knew this will happen. I excused myself, went to the bathroom, and said to myself: OMG I m going to do it tonight.The whole nite was a dream, hands holding, we spoke as much we could, my Italian is not that great, we had drinks, and joked all night. He introduced me to his friends who stopped by. He walked me to my hotel, with that smile in his face he said that he really wants to stay but if I want him to leave he'll leave. Of course he stayed. The whole night and morning after was perfect. But we knew, we knew there was a tremendous physical attraction from the second we met.So my question here again for you guys, don't you feel it if a woman wants you, or you just give it a try anyway. I wish you didn't it. Situations like this are embarrasing and tell you the truth frustrating, bit that of course is just my opinion
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 Dude youre meeting some idiot men. Mr scraggly had a few drinks in him did he? Even if he didnt guys need to look at body language of women, and not just hear words, the whole indirect and direct communication should be summed and tell the guy "Is she interested?". Ive had my lucky encounterd either paid for or not, I always make sure there is rapport with the lady and we have a solid, friendly, but not serious connection. From my own personal persepctive, and you may not like this, is that I make some nites out missions to get laid or get some kind of action... that way its easier for me (since my attention is strongly focused on building communication with women) to tell if a woman is up for it or not, the game that is.. and mr italian played it right.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 I answered this morning before work but I didn't get a chance to finish...I've picked a few lines you said and I'd like to comment.
"Doesn't he knows his place and what kind of women he is able to get?"
Wow, that says a lot. There are lots of people who are not really attractive who do quite well. In your opinion, what should a guy aim for?
"I knew this will happen. I excused myself, went to the bathroom, and said to myself: OMG I m going to do it tonight."
Wow again, talk about making assumptions on your part. So now it would be safe to say that "you " wanted it and played your cards accordingly.
It's all part of the survival of the species. You want to be hit on from time to time but only from certain guys. sorry about your luck but it doesn't go that way. should a guy be respectful if you politely tell him to leave...of course.
"I m not saying it never happenes, but I know my place, and if that happens, I take as me being lucky to have this gorgeous guy in my bed. But I never ever make any advances or even look at them any more, because I know it's completely out of my leaque, when there are plenty of gorgeous 20 years old out there."
If you know your place but from time to time get a lucky break and have a georgous guy in your bed, why can't someone else be lucky to have a pretty woman in his bed?
The troll guy said he thought you two were going to have a little fun today. I agree that is more forward than I have ever been but I bet if the Italian guy said it you wouldn't complain.
Everything comes down to timing and circumstance, the right place at the right time. You can't blame a guy for trying. You can blame him for being rude.
Sometimes the signs women put out there are not clear. If a guy approaches a woman it can be "assumed" he's interested. He then has to play his cards based on how you receive him. If you're with a bunch of people in a vacation or party type atmosphere you can be friendly and set limits that are different than other situations. You might be more inclined to mingle and have fun while keeping your guard up.
If you're alone in a bar you might be more inclined to be more cautious. After all, if you're with a group and just having fun, nothing is implied. If you're alone and let your guard down,it could send a different signal.
I believe that once a guy takes a shot at it, the genie can not be put back in the bottle. No matter what, once he expresses interest, he remains that way.
You might have to learn how to be more blunt with guys that bother you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): Thanks for funny answers all.I don't know how to tell. A guy that there will be no deal. In this case I couldn't even imagine that he hS these ideas in his head.For me it's very obvious when a guy is just having a great time this evening or wants me in bed. It's so natural for me to understand.that's why it's a mistery to me how is it posible not to see the expression of the eyes or just not to feel it in the air.Thanks again for answering
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 October 2011):
 Some people are just have very bad awareness of their surroundings and other people, some people also just don't take no for an answer. My guess is that this guy just wasn't ready to give up. Next time you should tell him you are not interested off the bat because while he may fully be aware that you're not interested, he may need to actually hear it before he'll go bug someone else.
Also this whole idea of insisting they pay is just a ploy to make a woman feel obligated to give something in return. You don't have to accept the free drink.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 October 2011):
 most men will give it a try anyway I'm sure.
then there are those that are clueless even when you want them. I had to hit my bf over the head with a brick to get him to realize i wanted him...
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (7 October 2011):
Sometimes it's obvious and sometimes it's not.
If a woman is just being nice and having a good time, how does a guy know? Would you have been angry with the guy in Italy to have made that assumption? All he knew is you appeared to be enjoying the evening. That means he has a chance.
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