A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My 14 year old daughter has just told me she wants to have a sexual relationship with her 15year old boyfriend. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pebble +, writes (26 April 2009):
 Don't put her on protection if you want to be a Grandma.
It's excellent that she asked you first. She needs your advice and guidance and a lot kids don't really care what their parents think so I think you should be quite proud of her for that.
I would suggest just sitting her and having a mature conversation about contraception because sadly, when teenagers set their minds on things they do it regardless of what others say or think.
Talk to her about STIs, their symptoms and the pill and it's side effects (or maybe the contraceptive injection would be better if she's not good at remembering to take pills). Talk to her about her responsibility to protect herself and her body, about the emotions involved and make sure she isn't being pressured by her boyfriend.
If even, after talking about all of the horrible stuff involved, she still wants to go ahead with it, get her on some sort of hormonal contraceptive and get her some condoms aswell. Tell her to use both.
It's scary when you suddenly realise your kids aren't kids anymore, and yes she's underage but it's best for everyone that she knows all the facts and is protected.
Don't worry, you're being a good mother :)
A
female
reader, Katy. +, writes (26 April 2009):
 Trust her and be thankful that she told you, that means you can most probably trust her that she'l be careful, whether she has your consent or not she's going to go ahead and do it. I'd give anything to of been able to tell my mum, I was fourteen also, and the only thing you can really do is give her guidance, support, and most importantly; get her on the pill!
Katy x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): It's good that she's told you before doing anything with her boyfriend. Tell her to wait a little bit more until she is older because she's still quite young to be having sex or sexual acts. IF however she disagrees and is determined, you can't really stop her. (unless you lock her in her room lol) Take her to the doctors and get her to go on the pill, or have the implant - that lasts up to 3 years, and tell her to get her boyfriend to use a condom. That way if she does become sexually active soon, she is at least using precautions and (hopefully) won't become pregnant.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (26 April 2009):
 I disagree with the poster that said "Don't put her on protection" Why not take her to the local Brook advisory clinic, where they can talk to her about sex, pregnancy, contraception and STIs.
Education is the key here.
http://www.brook.org.uk/content/Default.asp
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): Don't put her on protection, for any kid that be the 'go ahead'. Tell her she's way too young and she will regret it in a few years time. Stop her from seeing her boyfriend. Just do whatever you can to show you don't aprove so if they do, you will feel no guilt as you did everything you could to stop her mistake.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): look miss im sorry to tell but just let her be she will have to learn one way or another
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A
female
reader, say_anything +, writes (26 April 2009):
 firstly, be glad she told you! this means she trusts and respects you which although i know it won't detract from your worry but it's a sign you have a close relationship so obviously this is better than her going behind your back. at the end of the day you may not be able to stop her but you may be able to make her think more carefully about her decision. try not to hit the roof even though i understand you are probably knocked for six that your little girl is considering sexual relationships, as this may prevent her from talking to you about this again.
have you explained to her not just the physical aspects of sex, but the emotional side as well? she needs to be sure she thinks she is mature enough and ready for everything, for the emotions, hormones, risks, social effects etc. many people regret their first sexual encounters if they were not emotionally ready, especially if they were very young at the time.
explain that it is actually illegal, and may land her and her boyfriend in serious trouble.
perhaps consider getting her on the pill? also drum the need for condoms into her as well as the pill, not only as to prevent pregnancy but as a disease precaution as well. she needs to see that by entering into a sexual relationship she is opening herself up to all manner of things that may affect her life, her self-esteem and her health. putting the fear of a baby/chlamydia/the stigma attached to young girls who are sexually active (i'm not saying this is fair but she needs to be aware, people will talk, and she would need to be able to handle that) if done in a careful, supportive maternal way may just put her off for the time being.
i wish you the best of luck & i hope you & your daughter are able to discuss this and find the best outcome :)
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (26 April 2009):
 I'm sure you've told her all of the risks involved, pregnancy and STIs, and she knows that you're not comfortable with it. She needs to know that a. losing your virginity is not something you get a second chance at so you need to be sure and b. if the police found out they are both underage so they would take equal responsibility as it is a crime.However if she and her boyfriend are that desperate to have sex, there's not much more you can do to stop them. But you can make sure that if they do, it is safe. Nurses are permitted to administer contraceptives to underages, so suggest she goes on the pill and that she uses condoms if her boyfriend has had sex before.You can also tell her from me (I'm 17) that after I lost my virginity I thought to myself 'that wasn't worth the rush' (not that I really hurried!)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): There's nothing you can do. Just tell her to make sure she takes precautions and doesn't do anything she'll regret. If she's set on it, she won't change her mind, so offer her some good advice.
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