Mum walks in on me having sex?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex, Teenage, Trust issues

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Question - (31 July 2010)

6 Answers - (Newest, 5 August 2010)

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Titled by Poster:

What a mess i am in.

Had a gathering the other night, well i would'nt even call it that, there was like five people and myself there and that's it.

Things went well, wasnt anything crazy, nothing broke, i dont think.

However, the problem is, myself and this guy ive liked for a while now, went upstairs to my bedroom, me being completley stupid and not clocking on to the fact that 'oh mabye i shouldnt do this because my sisters next door and my MUM is across the hall way.'

Anyway, how i didnt realise i dont know, things were good though and we ended up having sex, this being my first time.

Time went by and look who comes into my room right in the middle of it? Oh yeah, my mum ofcourse.

Ive never been more mortified in my life, and this i am never going to forget, obviously.

She was suprisingly calm at the time, all she said to the guy was 'alright, leave now mate.' I was expecting more of a drag out of my bed down the stairs and kicking out scenario.

Next morning i talk to my mum, things are awkward, and she sais shes just lost my trust and its going to be very hard for me to earn it back, which i totally understand.

Was just hoping for your guys help to try and get things back to normal with my mum, what would you do if you were in my crazy situation?

much lovexxxx

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A male reader, daletom +, writes (5 August 2010):

This is one of those things that will probably NEVER "get back to normal" between you two.

It's not clear to me exactly what the transgression is here. Did you violate the expectations your parents had for when (and under what circumstances) you could engage in sexual activity? Or were you doing something that you aren't supposed to be doing in the house?

It IS, after all, your mother's house. (Are your parents together?) She is well within her rights to set the ground rules for what is required, and what is prohibited, there. If "No sex in the house.", or "No boyfriends in the bedroom.", or "Friends must leave by midnight.", are part of the family rules then you really need to acknowledge that you broke the rules, and it was wrong of you to do that, and you will abide by the rules as long as you live at home.

If you are expected to refrain from sexual activity, that is another matter. Are you really "age 18-21", like the profile says? If so, you are at an age where you can discuss your mother's expectations in a mature conversation. It may not be easy, but tell your mother that you KNOW she's disappointed. Ask her to describe what she does expect of your sexual behavior. Ask her WHY she feels that way. Don't argue - don't try to manipulate her with "Yes, but . . . " replies. Listen - RESPECTFULLY - to what she has to say. Yeah, it's probably OK to ask about her own early sexual behavior - but do NOT use that to justify your own! She has every right - backed by a few decades more life experience, that you don't have - to say, "Well, I did this. Now I know it was a bad idea, and I hope you don't make that mistake.".

Believe it or not, your parents DO have your best interests at heart. After you know WHAT is expected, and WHY it's expected, you can ask your mother's opinion of what she would like you to do, and how you can follow through. She may have some very good suggestions for how you deal with boys!

You may want to mention your own thoughts and reactions to your coupling. That may range all the way from "I want to do it with him as often as we can,", to "Well, it was an unplanned experiment and I don't want to repeat it. Can I use you as an excuse to break up with him?". Be as honest as you can. Most parents actually DO admire kids who can respectfully disagree, and support their arguments.