A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone I need some serious help!I'm in my early 20s, going into my last year of university. During the summer months I live at home w/my parents but during the year I live on my own. I've noticed during this summer at home my mom is becoming a control freak. She is stressed because my younger brother is not a nice kid. He swears at my parents, comes in at all hours of the night, is very disrespectful etc. so she is very stressed at him. She's lost it I think I've caught her setting up audio devices to listen to his conversations, goes through his phone and wallet when he's not around, stuff like that. Now i'm worried she is doing it to me too maybe?I have an on again/off again bf that she HATES and has threatened if I marry him she will pretty much disown me and that he will never accept him, won't go my wedding etc. She hates him cuz when we break up I get very upset so she figures he'll never change even though he has been. He was just very immature and needed to grow up. She's basically making me choose between him and her.I don't know what to do! I'm out of this house in 1 week so she can't control me anymore. But when I move out she instructs me to call her every night at a certain time, wants to know where I go, with who and for how long. When i'm home here if she sees me on my computer or phone she demands to know who I'm talking to and what about.It's driving me crazy! I tried talking to her and everytime I do she gets even more suspicious and says "oh so what are you hiding from me then that you dont want me to know?"Basically what do I do? I think its a mixture of stress for her, with the fact of empty nest syndrome starting maybe and she just cant let go that her "baby girl" is grown up and is an adult that can make her own decisions. I will be graduating as a nurse next year so I will have a good job, it's not like I'm throwing my life away or going to be struggling or anything like that. What do I do or how do i talk to her in a way that she doesnt get even more judgemental on me?
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female
reader, sunnycomet +, writes (24 August 2009):
 No wonder your little brother is swearing at your parents and is very disrespectful! Your Mother has gone overboard and has disrespected you and him by invading your privacy. This needs to stop! You need to have a talk with her, you are an adult and she has no right to treat you like this. I will also suggest having a talk with your little brother. Ask him how he feels about your Mother invading his privacy. Then try to solve the problem with your brother to your Mother. Talk about your brother's behavior and your mother's obsessive control. Together you just might be able to fix this.Good Luck!
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 tell her NO!!!!. I am an adult and I will not call you at these specific times. You want a relationship with her, but at the same time she needs to let go and have faith that she gave you the tools growing up which will allow you to make good decisions. There are times when you'll need the mother, but also times when you simply need another adult to talk to.
Tell her, if you were hiding something, you'd be hiding it and not coming to talk to her about what's bothering you. Parents can only do so much. She's driving herself nuts trying to go above what she's capable of doing. She really needs to slow and, take it all in one step at a time and realize she may be overwhelmed. If so, she can check with authorities, and counselors in the area to find out what programs are available which can help her in this situation. And, if parenting was simple, such programs wouldn't exist.
I hope this helps, take care.
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