A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for the past 10 months. He is a good guy, sweet and kind to me. He is also older than I am by about eight years, and I think he's ready to settle down (has asked me to move in with him before and so on.) These hints that he would like us to be more committed started fairly early in our relationship and kind of surprised me, to be honest. He's asked me a couple times if I see a future with him. I do...but not in the immediate future!The problem is, I don't know if he's right for me right now. I've only been in one serious relationship before this, never really dated prior to that, and just don't know if I am ready to move as fast as we seem to be moving. I'm not looking to get out of this relationship so I can "play the field" or anything. I just have reservations about being this serious at this point in my life. I'm a little afraid of commitment, if that helps shed some light. Not sure I ever want to be married.So my question is this: is there anyone out there who has felt a relationship is moving too quickly, but has gone along with it and has experienced a good outcome? I really don't want to end things with this guy, but I think our priorities may be in different places. I know he would be perfect for me in five years or so, but I can't ask him to wait five years while I grow up emotionally to the point where I'm ready to be with him long-term.Thanks for any advice you can offer :) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (29 July 2009):
 If your instincts are telling you one thing and you are considering just going along with something else hoping it won't be too bad, that probably isn't going to make you happy. You should always trust your instincts or that little voice inside of you.If your boyfriend does want a long term relationship with you then he shouldn't have a problem waiting for you to be ready for more commitment. You should absolutely just tell him that you don't feel ready to move in right now. Then try to consider when you might be ready (a couple more years?) and let him know that is the time frame that makes you feel comfortable.If he pressures you into moving in, then his goals and yours may not match up and that usually doesn't equal success in a relationship. If that is the case, it might be best for you to let him go so that you can have the freedom to see what other options you have and for him to find someone who wants the level of commitment he wants right now.Hope that helps! It's always best to have relationships with people who's short and long term goals match yours. This makes it so much easier when making serious decisions like this. :-)
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