A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need some help! My boyfriend of six months and I broke up a month ago and I ahve been devastated. His mom told me a while ago that he was too. For the last month we have been in contact every day and even got back together. I pushed him about talking about his feelings though and he wasn't happy with me and ended things again. Then people started telling him on a night out last week that I was cheating on him, which is complete crap. He came out to my house very uupset and saying that he loved me and wanted to fix things. I was angry though and wouldn't have the conversation. I also said some things I didn't mean. He left the next morning, but the idiot lost his phone on that night put so I haven't heard anything from him since Friday, and I'm too afraid to ring his house phone! Also his best friend told me to leave things be! I do NOT want to give up because we had an amazing relationship. Now I'm wondering if I should write him a letter. Good or bad idea??x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): Bad idea. We women want to do things that work with us, or other women. Men are different, they don't swim as well as we do in the emotional realm and have about 10 words to describe about 500 emotions where we have all 500. You letter will just overwhelm him and make him feel pressured. If he is upset right now, give him some time to calm down as well as give yourself some time to calm down.
I know in the hear of anger we can say and do some pretty mean things, but you really need to try and stop that, no name calling (idiot) and if you can't carry on a conversation without yelling, ask to pick it up later.
It really doesn't always help to talk about the problems you are having non stop, you have to learn to come to some emotional closure about the topics and agree to disagree, it doesn't mean you have a bad relationship if you don't see eye to eye on everything. The thing we all look for is to be heard and to be understood, not agreed with.
Have a nice time with him the next time you see him and put off the conversation about problems for another time.
He isn't going to change just because you explain stuff to him or explain yourself, just seek to understand him first and go from there.
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