Moving on is not easy

A female age , anonymous writes:

This is a long story but I have to get it out of my chest...Hardly slept last night thinking again of her and how I know she never forgot..I remember the day we went to the bar to eat the same week It all happened and she said to me in a deceiving way and her smiling..she clearly said.. she said to me that I was "very horny the other night" I didn't say anything but laughed and said why not...she was amazing kisser..F!.. She will be there always isn't she? I wish I could rip all memory of her and our adventures..The touching, the sharing of cigarettes and the hugs..Oh, the hugs that made me feel I mattered to someone but in a deeper level than just friends...I miss her elegance and her radiance..I miss her laugh,smile, slight perfume. Her flowing hair that so many times touched my face as she came close to my face..or as I ran my finger though it as we kissed and made out..the day we said our goodbyes...I miss her funny different sense of humor and the way she looked at me specially every time we had a moment..how she followed me to the car and I turn around as was speaking to myself and she is there..her silhouette..how beautiful she was... The fist time we went to the bar after we sat in the car and we were speaking she told me I was beautiful and I could find it in me to get back to my old self..We hugged- our first hug felt so good..different. She is no a stranger to this type of feelings and she certainly is no innocent..she plays the innocent a lot..but her naughty ness and seductive ness goes far beyond anyone' s imaginations...She is amazing and I know that she is a teaser and she can get any man/woman to be with her in a matter of minutes.. She has the knowledge and ability to toy with anyone. Yes! I wanted her and desire to be with her in multilevel's but I was too emotional and I was afraid..intimidated by my thoughts and what I was feeling..as all came closing in.Never with another woman..no way! yet I wanted it this time. I didn't know how to handle myself or had any idea how to..many times I wanted to bring it up but I couldn't..I did fall in love and I dont regret any of it..ever!...I am thankful that I know I have in me all that she is..I can be just like her seductive, sexy, intelligent,creative, naughty, humorous, wild and have the fragrance that make men wild enough they desire to be with me..I can't however stop this need I have and/or save it for the right person or moment my quest for her replacement is becoming an additction. I want to find the similar feeling that takes her memory and puts if far behind that I can not reach in my memory bank and say..Hey,I FN miss you!.because I wouldn't be able to barely remember any of it..Is that possible? Can it happen?..When?.I hope so for my well being and happiness.. The first night we went out or she went out to a bar after her divorce she asked me "if I ask you to go to bed with me..would you?" I responded "I would! I want you but you are my friend,so my answer was no!" As I see it now maybe she at that moment wanted to know if I was in with her...I should have said yes and seen what developed from then..Maybe we would have made love or made out early on and developed a crazy type of friendship.. I will always be intrigued.. I miss the darn woman!!! she told me not to contact her I called her and I told her to grow up and face the problems that we needed to discuss this that I had in my heart for so long cause of her and in a way that she will be mad at me now with a real reason..Now she can say I did something crazy enough to push her farther away..To track back we were married and divorced and became friends and she said she was going to corrupt me. All this took months of development.. See, she had moved away a week before I got drunk. Before she left I told her with a letter and then as I hugged her good bye that I loved her and she hugged me back.. we spoke for days 3-4-5 times a day and txt. I got drunk and asked her one night if I meant anything to her and why we were playing these games..That I loved her and It drove me nuts and I was in pain that she was far away..I got angry and asked her if she remembered all the words she said and the ones she wispered in my ear as we made out..She said she remembered this but did not think of it as much I did. She asked me to give her some space.. She was and still is an important part of me..See where no boundaries took me? I didn't drink before or smoked or thought all this kind of drama could be in my life..God knows I had enough in my life and an abusive husband..I was good I am good but I cant let this tear me apart as if I was a villain in this story because I am notto blame completely. All ever I did was to LOVE...Moving on is not easy and wll take a long time but I do it a day at a time..

View related questions: divorce, drunk, horny, kisser

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, lacexoxo22  +, writes (13 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer