A
female
age
30-35,
*ovexlikewinter7
writes:my boyfriend and i will be celebrating our one year anniversary in about a week, maybe. basically i'm from mass, he's from nh, we met through a mutual friend i met in college last winter. we started dating months after little sleepovers, parties, and just general loveliness. im 20 and he's 22. last may (after getting kicked out of college) i left my life in massachusetts behinbd to move in with him at his family's house.two days ago he told me he wanted a break, in tears. he insisted he wasn't breaking up with me, though he told me he wasnt sure we "clicked" anymore. he cried (not man tears, full blown blubbering. it was the first time he had done this, and heartbreaking.) naturally, i sobbed childishly. i accepted it probably was my fault because i am probably immature. i have a lack of self esteem though people insist i'm beautiful and this makes me sometimes jealous. he also has trust issues from being cheated on, a lack of communication, and we both have tempers. we talked about someday marrying. we always had fun.but the thing is, lately our jobs have been stressful and our futures are nonexistent right now (he a high school dropout with a ged and a learning disorder, me clueless about my future.) we have all the same friends up here. i've been completely thrust into his life and i have no car, a job at walmart, and our social lives are going down the toilet. i think this break might in actuality just be a break, i dont want to lose him, and though there are other fish in the sea, i know he will be my one that got away (to use as many cliches as possible lol) but i dont know how to give him space when i really dont have anywhere to go or anyway to. i know he wants space and i want to give it to him. our friends and mine from back home seem to agree this will blow over. i know hes been upset and not sleeping well. this is only our second real blowup. my question is, what do you think will happen? and what can i do to help the situation and reignite the spark in our relationship?
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a break, anniversary, immature, jealous, self esteem, spark Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lovexlikewinter7 +, writes (4 March 2011):
lovexlikewinter7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate:
Thanks for everything. We're not together. I'm with the friend now hahaha. And my ex still txts me for booty calls all the time. Even though I wanted to for awhile, I didn't. Gotta maintain my dignity, sucks for him. Oh well. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): its me.
i dont know why he's being jealous but its bad. "who are you txting?" "where are you going?" "you and so and so are close" "why are you taking birth control? do you plan on sleeping with someone?"
but then one night we had a conversation about why this is going on. he says he's sick of arguing and that i was getting clingy (which the clingy thing kills but i know its cuz i dont have my own car so i rely on him - and the relying was kind of scaring him too). it was a commitment thing and living together was feeling so real and permanent. i guess he figured now was the time to change and pulled the i dont think i'm in love with you so i cant string you along thing despite the crying giving it away, as less than completely true, granted the spark was fading.
anyway that night he begs me to sleep in our bed with him, cuz he cant sleep without me. and we kiss. nothing more. and he tells me if i want to see other people i can but my breasts belong to him, apparently.
if i can elect a king of mixed messages it would be him.
i told him the issues in our relationship seem petty and we can work through them.
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A
female
reader, Weramazing  +, writes (6 March 2010):
 Why is he being jealous? What happened talk to eachother seems like Boone is communicating properly. Maybe you need to calmly tell eachother everything you are unhappy with even write it down if you need to then discuss it and see if you can change things.
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A
female
reader, lovexlikewinter7 +, writes (6 March 2010):
lovexlikewinter7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhes being a jealous ass. i know anyone logical is going to tell me i should leave him. but i love him with all my heart.
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A
female
reader, lovexlikewinter7 +, writes (5 March 2010):
lovexlikewinter7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe didnt come home last night :( and i didnt get into the house til midnight for bed. lame.
i need money. i wish i could be a sperm donor. lmao.
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A
female
reader, Weramazing +, writes (4 March 2010):
Thank you I hope the advice helps. Pyou might like to read he's just not that into you the original book and why men love bitches as they have helped me in the past. I don't agree with everything written but it kind of helps make you strong again and they are funny. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 March 2010):
 Hey give me a 5 and I'll keep my mouth shut!
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A
female
reader, lovexlikewinter7 +, writes (4 March 2010):
lovexlikewinter7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiongood plan. i'm trying to stay away from talking too deeply about it to make the occasionally inevitable times we talk too pressured, despite the fact im confused and falling apart inside haha. im also working on feeling and looking more confident and capable of independence even though im not quite there. you're the best. giving both answers 5 rating.
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A
female
reader, Weramazing +, writes (4 March 2010):
Give him space still even if it's just for the weekend. Just tell him you want him to have a think about what he wAnts as you don't want to be in this same situation again. That way he knows you are not desperate for him and realises that you don't depend on him, also you don't want him to think he can do this all the time as it obviouly was upsetting for you both and relationships are hard enough without someone not knowing what the want.
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A
female
reader, lovexlikewinter7 +, writes (4 March 2010):
lovexlikewinter7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat is good advice. i'm kind of trying to make the best of everything but and figure out who i am, because part of me thinks the spark was lost when we became more of a unit over us becoming better adults who happen to be in love.
weirdest thing is, about the txting thing, i dont remember saying that about our guy friend but clearly he does. i didnt even think he could possibly be jealous of us because he was always pushing me before to get to know him and our other mutual friends.
and last night when i got up to sleep in the guest bed, he looked at me like he expected me to get in bed with him, he even made room and stared at me, while saying "i dont care where you sleep. going there is your choice." and when we watched a movie together he got up from his chair on the other side of the room to lay in bed with me.
i dont know if i should be forcing myself to stay away (though i dont want to and he doesnt seem to want me to), i dont know what to do!
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A
female
reader, Weramazing +, writes (4 March 2010):
Big mistake don't text your guy friend who your man is obviously uncomfortable with re your relationship! How would you feel if he was texting a girl friend who he had described as gorgeous, caring and one of the best girls he knows. Sorry hunny but I just don't think it's the right time to do that and it could make matters worse.
It is not clear why he wants space but definitely give it to him find a room to rent in a shared flat with other girls in the area. Maybe he feels as though his life has gone as you moved in quite soon and may just want time to himself as well as having a relationship with you.
You said you can be jealous sometimes i think everyone has jealousy in them when it comes to there partner but you need to learn to control it as it can push him away and ruin your relationship.
While having your break get your confidence and independence back. If you make up maybe don't move back in too soon.
Whatever you do don't change who you are too much some people on a break go wild and start partying all of the time and seeing other guys and I don't think that helps. Make the most of the break and focus on yourself and what you want from life.
You are still young what would you like to do with yourself? There is nothing wrong with working in Walmart but don't you want to do something else, some thing you are passionate about or have a good interest in?
One thing I have noticed in my short life is that a woman that is happy with herself, enjoys her work and her life and is independent Is in the best position of all. Go and become that woman good luck.
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A
female
reader, lovexlikewinter7 +, writes (4 March 2010):
lovexlikewinter7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionupdate: tonight he said i was "welcome to watch a movie with him" and said not sleeping in our bed was my choice. during the movie i was texting our mutual guy friend and he actually appeared jealous and kept making comments. he actually said "you once described him as handsome caring sweet and one of the best guys you know" he looked so hurt. but i just dont get it. im txting the guy friend for help in the situation as i did for him with his last relationship. what am i supposed to think?
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