A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:hi, i have been with my boyfriend for 19 months now. we met in his local pub. we started seeing each other and he kept asking me to stay at his flat more and more,it ended up i was there 5 days a week. he was so loving and he could never get enough of me sex was fantastic. i was staying at his flat about 9 months then i got a place of my own. i only live round the corner from him and he is now most of the time at mine.he was gutted when i got my place but he is ok now.when i was at his he always took me out to his pub on a saturday and some saturdays he would go with his mates, i had no problem with that. but now he never wants to be with me on a saturday he just wants to go out on his own and meet up with any of his mates that are out. he knows i am sat at home om my own and upset about not getting out because i dont have friends to go out with as i am new to this town, i only know people to talk to if ever i do get out. he takes me out on a friday to the same place but no one is out, they all go saturday. i have to pay if we go out friday he does not work and always says he has no money, but he always makes sure he has money for saturday when he goes out on his own. i feed him all week and buy his fags. and all he does all week is sit watching tv. i need things doing in th house but he cant be bothered. we hardly ever have sex anymore its not me i want him so much i love him with all my heart. we have been together now 19 months and he has never so much as bought me a bunch of flowers or a birthday card, but i do for him.i ask him is he in love with me or does he just love me as a friend, he says i am a lovley person and he would never hurt me, but i dont know why he cant tell me he loves me. he cuddles up in bed but there is no sex anymore, he says he is depressed he has no work. the only time he gives me a kiss is when he is going out.he wont take me out for a day out. his life revolves round saturday nights. i dont know if i feel like a mother figure to him or a friend with benefits. he is a really funny guy always trying to make me laugh and very cuddly when sat down together and in bed.if i try talk to him he gets agitated and defensive, but he always calls me love but cant say i love you. i dont know what to think or do but i am not happy at all, i dont know what kind of relationship he wants from me, he never talks about it. please what do i do, has anyone any idea. i am very confused.when he stays with me, the next day he will just say see you later, he never takes me anywere i am just stuck in my house on my own, i dont drive this makes getting about hard.he drives and goes about doing his own thing and it does not include me, he just comes back later and says hi love. i think i need help with this relationship.
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female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (12 July 2011):
I think you've answered your own question there...'he can't tell me he is in love with me, although he loves me as a lovely person...'
You know what they say, there is a fine line between love and hate...(it sounds like he is not over his ex really, sorry)
You sound like a nice person, and love is blind, so if you must, stay with him, but don't expect a happy ever after (and if you meet someone in the meantime, who can offer you what you deserve, go for it) You only get one life, and you're a long time dead, seems a shame to waste it on someone who takes, but gives little in return.
YOU ARE WORTH MORE!! Say that to yourself, over and over until you realise it ;-)x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for your help it woke me up to reality, as i know love can be blind. i am still with this man but i am starting to think differently about the relationship between us. one thing i failed to mention was his ex.she was half his age and polish, he fell for her big time, after a few years of an on and off relationship she got pregnant to him but she knew she was not going to stay with him. she left and moved in with another man. he lost her and his baby to another man. this gutted him greatly. if ever he talks about her it is with great anger, he says he hates her. the thing is that he cant tell me that he is in love with me, although he loves me as a lovley person. once his ex was in the same pub as us and he could not stop looking at her even though he was calling her a slut. is he still in love with her even if he does not realise this himself, or if he does does he know this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): I think you need out of this relationship, not help staying in it.
Life with him is not going to get any better than it is now. He has no goals (save meeting up with mates at the local pub on Saturday nights) no ambition, no self discipline, no income (except what tax payers provide I'm guessing). He certainly doesn't consider you a priority.
Besides jokes and cuddles, what exactly are you getting out of this relationship that you want him so much and love him with all your heart?
Relationships are supposed to encourage growing as individuals and as a couple. He's stagnating and being with him is holding you back.
I can't, in good conscience, give you advice on how to make things work with him because I don't believe you have anything worth salvaging with him.
The very best thing I can do for you is encourage you to break up with him, move back closer to your friends and family and make something of your own life.
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (21 June 2011):
I have to agree with Drew21! Do you have a job? (I'm asking because maybe you could go out with work friends?)I think he is using you (you feed him all week and buy his fags...)You deserve better than that! Having a relationship with someone is supposed be an added bonus to your life, (enhancing an already good life you have),and if it's not what is the point? You might aswell be single? What are you really getting out of this 'relationship?'Have you tried joining any clubs/hobbies in the new town (to meet new people?) Gym/night classes etc? I am sure if you did you would meet new friends, and have other people to go out with? You would also get some confidence from having your own set of friends and not be reliant on him. Don't let him use you like this. You deserve more.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 He treats you like dirt. He doesn't work. You pay for everything, yet he goes out and leaves you alone on Saturdays.
Why do you love him, again? He sounds like an odd cat.
You have to tell him you need to talk, and sit down and tell him everything you said here. Tell him how you feel, and how you don't understand what he wants in the relationship, all of that.
You deserve to be happy, and right now this is not a healthy relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): Talk to him about it. And don't let him change the subject.
It might seem a bit harsh when I tell you this, but I don't think he likes you anymore.
But, you'll sort it out with a conversation. Trust me. :)
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