A
female
age
36-40,
*atsuko
writes:Im a submissive into the BDSM lifestyle and ive been with my Dominant/boyfriend for over a year now.My problem is, he's not Dominant enough for me. i know hes young, (25) but i just never see/feel him trying to become a better Dominant. Ive recently had to take away a good chunk of submission that i'd given to him because i was giving him soo much of myself but receiving very little of what i needed in return.As ive said before, ive spent a year with him and felt like ive invested all this time, and i love him, but i really just need to revel in my submissive side and be dominated like i need to be.Hes a really good person though. if we were in a vanilla relationship (normal, no kink) then hed be a 100% perfect boyfriend. (he remembers things about me, buys me things, takes me places, remembers holidays and anniversaries) And i love him alot.Ive asked him to maybe find a mentor, but he just dosint. He says he needs more time.More time to find himself? i dont know. but ive givin him a year, and ive only seen a little improvement.(He's also had alot of time on his hands, so i know he wasint just 'too busy')I just seem to be more submissive thn he is Dominant. and its hurting me inside because i cant let go and be totally submissive like i need to be, because ill end up just exhausting myself without receiving my need of Dominance. Is there anything i can refer him to or help him with that might guide him on his path to being a better dominant? (i know he wants to, he just cant seem to) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JohnSchorah +, writes (19 January 2017):
Having been in his shoes, I understand his fear, perhaps of pushing you too hard?
Do you tell him about your desires? Have you told him what you want in a scene? Safeword etc?
I was very cagy about going too for for fear of scaring my partner off, still am. Maybe he needs reassurance that it's ok to give you a hard time.
A
female
reader, tatsuko +, writes (25 December 2009):
tatsuko is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, the thing is, he advertised himself on a dating website (geared towards BDSM life stylers) as a Dominant. so was it false advertising?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): I do not know anything about your life style, but it sounds pretty extreme. Maybe he is nervous about it or something? I would be lol.
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