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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now (living together for one year) and we've been going through some hard times. There was this guy I was dating for about a month before I started with my current boyfriend, and there was just pure attraction between us. I ended things with him because of rumours I heard. Ever since the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend, every time I see this man there's just this attraction. I cannot stop thinking about him. This man can disappear for months at a time and when I see him my feelings for him come back. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do? Is this unusual?
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reader, pops +, writes (24 June 2005):
NO. This is not unusual. You haven't said what the attraction is. Is it Physical? Does he remind you of a particularly loving moment? Whatever. Once you fall in love with someone, you will probably always have some small portion of your heart given to him or her. Ask yourself why the two of you stopped seeing each other? If that reason is still valid, then reminisce over the past when you see him, and then go on with your life. If, however, those reasons are no longer valid, consider re-establishing contact with him and renewing the relationship. He may not be interested, so don't set yourself up for a big fall by putting too much into talking to him again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005): Well first of all, I don't advise you to break things off just because of rumours you heard and this is what your conscience may be trying to tell you. I recommend you sit down with a friend and talk out our feelings and maybe you will come to a realization of who you truly love. It may be that you are trying to cover your emptiness of your ex by keeping a relationship with your current boyfriend. If that is the case, it is not fair on him and so try and realize your feelings soon before someone ends up getting hurt. I really hope this helps and take care
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reader, kayla  +, writes (24 June 2005):
 No this is not unusual as a matter of fact I'm going through the same thing right now. You're probably in love or just have really strong feelings for him. See which one you like the best and that treats you the best,and just follow your heart. It will all work out for the best you'll see.
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reader, xox?xox +, writes (24 June 2005):
if you finished your ex due to "rumours" there must of been enough evidence to convince you they were true in order for you to have finished your relastionship with this man.most couples in a long term relationship do go through difficulties, but you must think, are you thinking about this man because your current relationship is in trouble. or is your relationship in trouble because you can't stop thinking about this man?In both cases, i suggest you concentrate on your relationship at the moment, and figure what you want to see in the future. ps. have you stopped to realise that your exe might not have the same feelings for you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005): Consider the reasons why you chose your current situation. There must have been a reason why you dumped your ex, and chose to spend time with your current boyfriend. You probably feel the attraction to your ex because you only knew him for a short period, when the relationship is new and novel. So the relationship between yourself and your ex never progressed beyond lust. It is unfair to compare the relationships between your boyfriend and your ex, as living together alters the perspective on the relationship. Sit down and talk to your partner about your problems. Chances are, you're using the memory of your ex as escapism from your everyday life. Remind yourself why you broke up in the first place. Were the rumours correct? Did you have good reason to leave him?
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