A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear agony auntsI have started a long distance relationship. I am in it for two months and I have already spent a 4 day long weekend with my new boyfriend. He came to visit me... the problem is that the financial issue have arisen... I have a minor financial glitch and I was expecting he will do everything on his own, just at the beginning of the relationship.He paid for his own flights and I was driving him around... I wanted to treat him indoors at a very low cost. When we went out it was just for coffee and small things, like buying drinks at the garage. I made him pay for those... Now he has written me a complaint saying he expected to be treated since he came all the way. On my side I have a very tight budget, i am trying to pay off a debt so I have frozen all my spending. We are at the same career level... I thought by letting him pay for us going out was the good thing. We have just started out and I didnt want to be forward in that way. I too wanted to see him play his role. He seems not impressed by it and he mentions that when I visit him, I will actually see what he means by hospitality. I was not bad at all, I went out of my way, to buy groceries and to cook for him and to pamper us but indoors... he was quite happy and he is ok with the treatment, but he is not fine with the money issue...I am supposed to visit him in two weeks time, so I was just telling him I do not have money for the flights and this is how this whole thing started...We both want to make this work, but how is this workable? Could it be as a woman I am expected to do things equally? I was expecting he would just do, only this time around and we can arrange later, to him it is all about first impressions and I feel like it was too early of him to raise such an issueHow do we tackle this situation because it seems like an issue to him. He feels like i am not willing to put an effort...
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female
reader, BethyBoo  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 You could say sorry that you upset him and you didn't mean to but you were trying to save money as you are trying to pay off debts. Maybe hold off the flight to see him till you have the funds?
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