A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a few questions i would like your views on please,I have been searching for a year now and really need your advice to help me make up my mind once and for all. 1st can a man who has cheated more than once really change?2nd He had a fling that lasted several years and says they only met for sex nothing else could you belive that?3rd Before he got caught he never hit me and if i want to talk about his affairs he gets angry and flies into a raving lunatic why is he like this now?4th We have tried relate but he was lying though the meetings only after 10 meets did he confess that he had other flings and we were no nearer finding out why he felt he had to cheat so we have stopped going,he says he loves me and wants us to work on our marriage,I love him but i cant seem to forget what he has done i have got so many thoughts spinning in my head i am filled with so much pain and anger and dont know where to turn its been more than a year since i have found out about my husband flings as he calls them and my mind is as mixed up now as it was when i found out how long does it take to realise if our marriage is worth saving and he can stay faithful?We have been together for 30 years married for 28.I would be very grateful for your honest replys and thank you for taking your time in reading my post.
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male
reader, mikefromms  +, writes (12 May 2009):
So sorry you're going thru this. I think you know the answer and want someone to confirm.
I don't think he wants to change. Obviously, he feels safe just "having his Kate and Edith too."
According to the Bible, you can divorce him and find someone else and do so without any guilt. You are free. Evidently, he doesn't care about his marriage.
It's a great big world out there and you are still young...you have a decision to make. Stop worrying about him and get on with your life.
Just a suggestion.
Mikefromms
A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (12 May 2009):
 Hi there, I agreed with both of the earlier answers. You love a man who is, I'm sorryto say, a serial cheater. It may not even be about the sex or the women, something satisfies him about being unfaithful. There is a thrill. He gets upset because this is what he wants to do, and he does not want anyone to be critical of his actions. He will probably never admit to being wrong or treating you wrong, as that would make him the bad person and he would need to change. He does not want to do that. It is difficult, but you care for a man who has no respect for his vows of marriage, they are meaningless now, if they ever did mean something to him. He must also want to change, he has no desire. If he ends a relationship with one woman, he, I'm sorry to say will find another. You must decide, if you can endure this kind of abuse, because it is abuse, he is disrespectful and also verbally and possibly physically abusive, because you are treateningwhathe desires to do with his life. You are worth more than what he is giving you. Find a good counselor for yourself to help you realizehow his treatment is lowering yourself esteem and depressing you, It is not a healthy place to be. Realize that you will be an enabler for himto do this to you, do not take it. Unless he is commited to changeand you see that he isn't, this will go on and on with you feeling as though you are worthless and hating yourself. Take charge of your life and decide to move on. Let him have his women, you find a better place and possibly a better person, who will respect and care about you. This man is not worth your time, he is totally confused, but you cannot change him, he has to change himself. Take care and stay in touch.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): Wow it must be really difficult for you, I dont think he will stop being who he is, the question is after all this time are you able to move on? I can possibly imagine not but I think it is what you should try to do.
It is easy to give out advice but acting on it is different please do try to salvage your relationship if you feel that is what you want but I dont think it can be saved. You are rightly so curious about his affairs and the fact that he does not want to talk about them may be because he does not want to feel guilty even though he should.
The extent of his affairs should give you a clue as to what to do. How long as it all been going on and how many, if you have not been enough for him alone then I dont think he will ever be a one man woman.
Sorry if it is not what you want to hear, you can try councelling again be it both of you or alone but whatever you do think about your wellbeing. If he is physically hitting you then he is no good.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (12 May 2009):
 I think you should go back to counselling - even if it is on your own. It is impossible to speak about your husband's problems intelligently. Have courage. Go and get a good counsellor and get it sorted.
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