A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ever since I was 4 years old I remember being molested by my father. Even he will admit that he would touch me and get turned on since I was a baby. When I turned 12 he started having sex with me. I didnt tell anyone because I believe in aweird way that he did it because he loved me. When I was 16 I finally moved out and thats when it stop. Now I was 27 and have a 18 months old daughter and a 4 year old step daughter. My mother is in love with them and the thought of being a grandmother and is always wanted tohave them spend the week end with her but I keep making up excuses on why they cant go. I cant imange lettign them spend the night and himdoing the same thing to them . What do I say to her?
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female
reader, Free-thinker  +, writes (26 July 2009):
I think many of us survivors experience guilt because some - not all - abuse is not as bad as it is portrayed by the mass media. It's this feeling that no amount of counselling seems to remove. When lying with a partner and they touch you a certain way, the memories come back. We are still in the dark ages with our treatment of this behaviour. It's obvious you want to protect your kids and good on you. Just keep making excuses and they will give up. Or write a letter explaining how you feel and make them know that you can't put your kids through that kind of scarring. I believe a lot of this damage is caused by those that tell me how wrong it all was. Worst thing i ever did was telling the police on my dad. They take them away and you are left to deal with all the anger of relatives and the cries of liar. Sort it out internally if you can. I know i will get flamed but come on people. Let us have posts that have less regurgitated media opinions and more of their own. Hugs and kisses to you for being brave enough to come out. Keep your kids innocence for them to mess up as teens themselves. X x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): You said that your father admits it. If he admits it tell her the truth. He deserves it. Don't let him ANYWHERE near your girls and don't let your mother let him touch them the way she let him touch you. Because they know. They always know in their heart of hearts who they married. If you are too afraid...go to your father. Tell him that if he ever lays a goddamn finger on your girls that you will go to the police, to the media, to his boss, to everyone he has ever met on this earth and tell them exactly what he did to you. Tell him about Josef Fritzl. See what happened to him. My mother knew my grandad was a pedo. My uncle knew too. And guess what they did? They left him alone with me and my brother. They had him BABYSIT us. Your instincts are right. Trust yourself. Don't let him rape your children.
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A
female
reader, Midnightsama13  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 You seriously need to tell somebody. If you want your children to go over there, and you don't want to tell your mom, go with your kids. Don't let your father out of your site with the children. But I think you need to tell some one, preferably your mother. Talk to her in private. You don't need to live in fear about what your father's next move might be. So definetly go talk to somebody about it. And if you don't want to just yet, do what I said and keep watch on your kids while you let them go over there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Tell the truth or keep living this lie .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): you kept quiet the first time and he continued to rape you.
by now keeping quite you will be indulging your father all over again. it will be like you are giving him consent to rape your girls. is this what you want.
you need to tell your mum. right now. if your dad raped you i also think he may have been raping other little girls he had contact with. you were an innocent child when it happened, you were powerless. but you are not anymore.
your father should have been imprisoned for what he did to you. plse protect your girls from him. he will be tempted to try it again and he knows that you kept quite.
as i said, if you do not protect your girls you will be giving him consent to rape them and you will be just as guilty.
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A
female
reader, Shadowplay  +, writes (6 May 2009):
I take it your mum doesnt know?
She will be so upset to hear what he was doing - yes - but that was out of her control. But this is in your control! So tell her - or at least your father you dont want him there when they stay.
Else you will tell her - and it could hurt her alot. Best wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): I think you tell your mum. I think you have to.
you still have this demon inside of you. Tell her will be one of the last acts to help ease it, now that it has flared in your mind again. It won't go otherwise.
I would also suggest you let her have them when he isn't there. I would also wait and see what she says - could be acceptance or denial.
I do think its important you tell her now, for you.
Bug hug, Star.x.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): How could your mother not know? Anyway he is an evil man on so many levels. Its up to you to protect your babies. Tell your mum exactly why you wont let the girls stay there. He is a sick predator he should be locked up. You seem to have a beautiful soul. Take back the power that he took from you by protecting those girls. You need to end this. He is getting away with what he did and he could do it again. You have the power now to make sure he can never do it again. I wish you the best. May life be good to you and your girls.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 May 2009):
 I'll bet your Mom already has an inkling that your Dad likes little girls, this may not come as a total surprise. But even if, after living with him so many years, she hasn't a clue, she needs to know why exactly you will not be leaving your kids anywhere near your Dad. Your first job is to protect them and not your mother's feelings. Ask her if she would like to spend a weekend at your house, sans Dad of course.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): First, this is NOT molestation. It is rape. It is also incest.
Second, time for a rule: Never allow a child around your father at any time for any reason whatsoever. As you well know, it takes seconds to destroy a life. Pedophiles do not change. Also, remember to never allow males to be alone with your daughters at any time in any place for any reason.
FYI: Legally, due to your knowledge, you are actually living with a huge liability in knowingly allowing a child around your father.
Directly state your reasons to your mother for not allowing ANY child around your father.
For your own peace of mind and healing, stay away from your dad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): Please don't allow any children under your care to visit your parents home without you being there and having them in your sight at all times. If he molested you, it is possible that he will not hesitate to molest other children.
You are now a grown woman. I can't imagine how difficult this must be but you have to do what must be done to try and protect your children and any other that may come around your father in your parents home.
You must take a stand. Seek counselling if you need to as regards how to approach the situation. Until then, do not allow your children to be around this man.
You must be proactive. I am sure you may find it hard to forgive yourself if you don't take a stand and your father molests your children. You can do something to help prevent it. You must.
Please take care. Be brave, Be strong. You did nothing wrong and you cannot allow this to happen to your children.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): 1st you need to tell your mum the truth!!!!
2nd you need to go to the police and tell them everything!!!!!
3rd you need to have councelling!!!He did not do it because he"loved" you!He did it because he is sick sick sick!!!!!Keep your kids away from this evil man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (5 May 2009):
 Tell her what happened! You know its the right thing to do. Why don't you go to a counselling session and tell the councellor that you need to tell your mum and he/she will guide you through it. X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): Perhaps its time you tell your mom about what he did to you, angel yes its been years since it happened, but It did, and you sound so strong with no hate in your voice, but you know that what he did to you was wrong and he could be doing this to others!!!! Please tell your mother about what he did, it will hurt but its not right that she has to live a life where she doesn’t know who and what her husband the father of her child really is!!!! You need to be honest with her don’t hide anything she is your mother and she will understand, I know why you never told her, my parents died in a car accident when I was 11 didn’t have time to tell my mommy what my daddy did to me while she wasn’t watching! And I promise you that I wish I have I wish I could just hear her saying its ok my angel it wasn’t your fault, even though I know it wasn’t, I never wanted them to get a divorce because of me and today its killing me, tell your mother the truth !!!
Good luck
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