A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my gf for 6 months and she told me about her childhood molestation 2 months into our relationship. She's very shy about sex and would not let me do oral on her...so I've not pushed her and gave her as much time as she needs. I'm not sure how long I can wait for her to open up and feel comfortable about doing oral and sex. I haven't been putting our relationship about sex but it's coming to a point where it's straining our relationship. I haven't told her that because I don't want to do anything to hurt her. I was wondering if anyone can help me help her open up and try to let it go. I care for her but I've been questioning myself how long can I wait?She does not want to seek therapy and I don't know what to do anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): Hey
Give her time, try to understand her side and where she is coming from. Ask her to sit down and talk to you about the experience and you can help ease that. It may be diffult for her to open up to you but trying is the best way for you understand her
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (2 June 2009):
 but surely if you really love her and care for her you can see what's shes been through and still going through.it's going to be hard for her to open to anyone really she's obviously had a traumatic time.i mean perhaps you sit her down and talk to her just tell her that you are there for her no matter what and you'll do anything to help her through this.at least then that way she knows you're not just seeing her for one thing.i mean she was molested as a child so she probably thinks you may only want her now for something like that.you need to tlk to her be her friend and help her through this and make her feel more comfortable around you make her feel more than just someone for sex.i'm not saying you do i'm just saying if she's been molested then maybe that's why she feels like that.don't force her into therapy i mean maybe she went before but found it didn't help her having to relive the memories but maybe talking to you as a friend will help her relax a bit more around you.Hope this helps.best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): Understand where she is coming from. Victims exhibit trauma in a variety of forms and this takes a long time to recover from. Gently ask how you can help, listen to what she says, and suggest speaking to a trusted person, not necessarily a therapist, about this.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 June 2009):
 has she been in therapy before, which may give reason for her not wanting to try again? Other than the oral sex, are you two engaging in sex? If anything, does she say, or hint to this issue, and what she wants to do about it?
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