A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:So I met this guy online and we agreed to meet up. After a lot of hesitation of whether he was feeling energetic enough to come out, we finally met up, things went well, it was a short meeting over coffee. We then went back to mine and messed around afterwards, he seemed keen and was very complimentary towards me. He had to go early (always the plan) because he had a flight to catch next morning. We exchanged some very sweet messages, and it seemed to be going well. He got back from his flight a few days later and contacted me to arrange a meet up, same thing a lot of hesitation and to and fro-ing on his end (even though he reached out not me). And no firm committal over a time or place. He then messaged me to say “if I had other things to do, I should do them, cos he felt like he was a little of a ‘downer’ and he was sorry’. I said I was ‘sorry to hear that, but it was cool, and I hope he feels better and left it with him to reschedule whenever. From my end the signs aren’t looking too good for us dating, right now, too unstable after only one meeting. What is the best way to move forward? I realize in life sometimes you like someone one minute and things change, and we cannot control how we feel. My fear is we moved too fast, he also seems generally like an indecisive person, which is the opposite of me, I try and always be careful about my decisions. I wanted to keep the path open for friendship, because even though I like him, I also accept that sometimes things feelings are one sided and love can be blind. What is a brief, cool and clever way of saying “by the way, you’re great, and obviously I like you…but we don’t have to sleep together or even be romantically involved, and I won’t go all single white female on you’ without diminishing any possibilities that he does actually like me, and just isn’t experienced or sure about what he feels. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, gaydating  +, writes (31 March 2011):
It sounds very similar to got just happened to me, anyway, take things slow, dont mess with each other anymore, treat him as a friend, if he wants to be with you, he has to do the work too, both sides of the relationship need to do the work in able for the relationship to work, otherwise it wont work. just tell him how you feel, and be honest to him. Just tell him you want to take things slow. Trust me, I know what i'm talking about, I just got hurt really bad because we moved too fast (well it was me who was rushing things)...but at least I was able to keep his friendship.
A
female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (31 March 2011):
Well - I think its a case of taking it very slow. You can't make him want to be with you - he has to work that out for himself.Moving too quickly can scare a man witless so leave anything serious for later.Show him that you care - say that you think he is great but there is no pressure whatsoever and that friendship would be very much welcome. That takes the pressure off to get to know each other properly without anything heavy. Just show that you are a great person and if its meant to be - then he will possibly want more. If not - you have a good friend.Good luck!
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