A
female
age
30-35,
*eachForTheSky
writes: Ive been talking to my guy friend for a long time, and i like him a lot. We talk all the time, about everything and anything, he's my best friend. BUT he has a GF, so I haven't told him my feelings. We've covered extendedly our past exes, oddities, and he tells me stuff about himself he doesn't want me to tell his girlfriend ect. But he's never expressed any direct feelings towards me, and does talk about his girlfriend sometimes. But its weird- lately, he's using my name in his txts, like b4 he'd say it but only like once a month.... now its like 2 or 3 times a night. I don't know what that means, if anything. just something odd i noticed. And he is being really nice to me, I told him about my ex boyfriend n he was saying that i deserved SO much better, and that he still loved me (i was hesitant to tell him bc im embarrassed by my ex). And he remembered something small I told him over a month ago at like midnight, and referenced it yesterday. I didn't know he paid attention. Does this mean anything? its just odd, bc its more a recent thing.Also, he gave me a compliment yesterday saying he liked me as i am and he doesn't want me to change, but he also said right after that compliment that it was hard to give a compliment over texting bc he wanted to be neutral. So yea...I'm confused.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Well, mentioning his GF could mean a couple of things. It could be a way for him to subtly remind you he's taken because he senses your feelings. It could be that he's just sharing what's going on in his life. It could be a way to show you he's unhappy with her... It really depends on what he's saying. In my case I witness them together. Sometimes her body language says "Get me out of here!!!" Other times she looks really happy. It's difficult to judge from our side because our vision is blurred by what we want to see.
Things you can look for that denote a deeper interest. Usually when a guy is interested in you, he will seek out ways for you to spend time together. He would prefer that it is one on one time, but probably in a public setting. He will do little things to brighten your day. He will remember the trivial things that become special when they are recalled. Some of these things, it sounds like he's doing already. Really though, the one on one activity time is the biggest one. It doesn't have to actually happen, but making attempts for it shows the interest. Does he get you gifts for your birthday or other holidays? Can you tell there is thought put into them? An example from my life. Last year for my crush's birthday I got her a copy of her favorite book that I got the author to sign "Happy birthday ______." It blew her away. Really, it boils down to looking for things that show and attention to detail that only a significant other would take the time to do.
My friends have told me to tell her how I feel. My situation is very complex though, so I've reached the conclusion that something has to change first as there are a lot of interwoven relationships that would be affected if we did hook up (i.e. my ex is her roommate). It's because of this, and the fact that I've been struggling with this for close to 5 years that I think you should save yourself the hurt of unrequited love and tell him. It may alienate your friendship, but it may work out for the best. Without telling him, you'll just be left wondering what could have been forever. It gets worse with time, trust me.
A
female
reader, ReachForTheSky +, writes (21 October 2010):
ReachForTheSky is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yea thats what I figured with the beating up thing, I just wasn't sure because the only other guy who ever did that for me was one of my ex boyfriends. (well, and my brother but he doesn't count :) I'm kind of paralyzed as to what to do, because I know he still likes his girlfriend because sometimes he'll say stuff about her to me, but then he'll say or do something that makes it seem like he likes me. So I don't know if its that he's confused and likes us both, that he doesn't realize how it looks to me and just wants to be friends, or that I just have wishful thinking. Are there any signs I should look for that would indicate either way?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 October 2010):
Yeah, don't read anything into the "beat him up" statements. That's a very guy thing and a way we can be a protector to our friends. We're that way with friends and people we're interested in.
Texting is hard to judge. I text a lot with the girl I like too, but I don't think they mean much, even if we keep it going for a while. I think it's a case of wanting something to be true, so we make it that way in our head.
He honestly sounds like he's interested in you. At least he does to me. The problem is more the boundaries that friendship and him having a GF put down for you. Still, I know that if the girl I want to be with had told me she was interested, I would have left my GF in a heartbeat.
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A
female
reader, ReachForTheSky +, writes (21 October 2010):
ReachForTheSky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks dirtball. You've given me something to think about....
We don't hang out just the two of us alone because of my current schedule I don't have a ton of time for in-person hanging out so the time I do have is normally spent in groups. But I have been seeing more of him and his best friend than I have my other girl friends in our circle. And probably at least half the texting is initiated by him, or continued by him. For instance he'll text me something random and we'll talk for hours as a result, or I'll text him something, and he'll keep the conversation going by asking questions. I think sometimes he just wants to talk to me, bc I saw him (in person!) a few days ago, and the next day he text me a reference to a stupid conversation we'd had, which served no purpose except making me laugh.
Also, idk if this matters, but he offers to beat people up for me, like one of my guy friends was being a jerk and made me upset n I told him about it and he asked if i wanted him to beat the guy up, and another time I was telling him about a guy that had treated me badly in the past and he said he might seriously beat that guy up if he ever met him. I asked him why he always resorts to beating people up and he said he only does it when people hurt the people he cares about.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 October 2010):
I'm in a very similar boat. I can empathize with you.
To me, he seems interested in you. Do you two hang out together, just the two of you, often? Does he initiate these contacts?
Honestly, it's hard to say if his actions are someone who is interested in moving things further, or those of a close friend. On one hand, guys tend not to get too close to women who they aren't interested in sexually (relationship or not). On the other hand, you may be reading too much into these little things because you want it to be true.
I can honestly say that being in a relationship didn't stop me from falling for someone else, even though she was unavailable. I broke off that relationship because I realized I was just waiting for this other person. That wasn't fair to my GF. Maybe your friend is doing something similar.
The sad part is you'll never know unless you tell him. Maybe it will be worth the risk.
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