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Mixed messages from a woman at work. How to decode...?

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Question - (5 March 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 6 March 2009)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hello. There's this woman at work who I've always liked. Problem is, she is going out with another guy - also from work. She has often flirted with me - though not when he is around. One day last week I caught her at the bottom of a stair-case. She appeared to be waiting for someone. I went up and greeted her as if to start a conversation when she did a quick double-take of the gantry above us before saying 'hello' rather aggressively. Since this was rather negative I just kept on walking. I went up the staircase and across the gantry when her man suddenly appeared through the doors ahead of me. I carried on walking.

Earlier this week though she called after me down a corridor and was all smiles (and not much conversation). She never talks to me when he's around. Am I imagining this or do you think she rates me as someone who might be attractive enough to make her man jealous? She's a babe of course - that much is certain! As I said - she likes to flirt but not when he is around... there's a definite pattern developing there. Is there anything I can do to prise her away from him? She really is a most delightful creature!

View related questions: at work, flirt, jealous

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (6 March 2009):

Sweet-thing agony auntShe sounds like a game player. How'd you like to be the dumb bloke who's dating her, only to discover her split personality flirtations with some other guy behind your back? I think your game of cat and mouse is going no where and you are wasting your time on someone who's not available. Try looking for someone who's not attached. xoxox

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A female reader, kaylagal United States +, writes (6 March 2009):

kaylagal agony aunt1. Respect another man's woman.

2. If she flirts with you when she has a man, when she is with you, she will flirt with other men. You're probably not the only guy in the office she flirts with. You are not getting mixed messages, you are getting PLAYED. I know women like that can be challenging for men, but have some pride and leave her alone. Don't flirt with her or pay her any attention. You deserve better. Get your own woman, get yourself a good woman.

Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009):

Well, sure we could all donate strategies for winning this girl.

Let me let you in on the sobering facts. Here she is committed to a guy at work and chooses to flirt when he can't witness it. Would you want a girlfriend who pulls this on you?

If it were me, and I really wanted that person, I would go ahead and flirt back, spend time, go out, et cetera, and at the right, and very early on, moment, I would call her on it. I'd watch her answer me. I'd look to see if she were capable of carrying on a secret crush behind her man's back, or willing to start life anew. Then I would decide.

Here's a question: What if she weren't "delightful"? Is she worth it?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009):

well you should let her know that your available ,,, that's a start , but u should also take care because you don't want her ,, with you and at the same time flirting with other guys behind your back

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A male reader, anoms United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2009):

anoms agony auntits possible she's doing this for your own good, if you were to "prise her away from him" then you may get hert and she may get off worse, so for her an your own good its probably best you keep it friendly an let her make up her own mind as to who she wants to be with. its possible she is very happy dating what sounds like a control freak, some women are, and if she's happy then i would'nt start trouble wher ther should'nt be, gudluk.

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