A
female
age
30-35,
*exxiylove
writes:Hello there. I have a bit of a problem. My boyfriend and I are in a LDR, and it's a lovely relationship. But we've started missing one another. Which is normal in a LDR, but we get into fights over it. I hate it, and I'm not sure what we should do? Anyone who can help? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (1 November 2010):
Hi there. When you say a Long Distance Relationship, did you meet over the internet, or have you met and went out for a while, then one of you moved away?
This is one of the biggest problems regarding LDR's - the loneliness. Unfortunately, there's no getting around it.
You can only say so much over the phone, email, text messages, skype or whatever. Then it becomes very limited. You run out of things to say to each other.
For any relationship to flourish, you need to be seeing each other at least once a week. All the Facebooking, emails, texting etc. in the world, just can't compete with person to person contact. Phone calls are the next best thing, to face to face contact. But even then, it's still very isolating because you are not together in the same room.
In LDR's you can't see each other's face, their eyes, their smile, their laugh, their voice. You can't give each other a hug, can't kiss, can't make love. During electronic communication, you can't interpret their moods, hear their voice, so there's a huge potential for misunderstandings.
Really, only you and him can work out how you want it to proceed from here. It's clear that you are both unhappy about it, otherwise you wouldn't be starting to argue over it. So it's presenting problems to both of you.
Every now and then if it's economical to do so, you could arrange to see each other and take it in turns as to who does the travelling. Unfortunately, if the distance between both of you is great, well then this won't be an option very often. It will be too expensive.
After this option, and depending on the type of work you both do, there's the option of one of you moving. However, this is extremely inconvenient and work is still pretty hard to find.
It's something you and him are going to have to get together to talk about (if you are serious about each other that is), to discuss the possibilities. There's nothing else for it really.
If it's only a new relationship, well you won't be to the serious stage just yet. That takes a while.
No-one can tell you what to do, because only you know how you feel. It is a very difficult situation to be in, and ultimately if neither of you is willing to move to be closer to the other, you will both have no other alternative, but to end it once and for all.
You need to think about it very carefully, weighing up all your options.
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