A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, he's gone. :-( My best guy friend just left for the US Armed Forces. He'll be gone for about 2 months, then back for a week and then off to who knows where for 6 months - a year! I know it's going to go fast but I can't help to feel "lonely." You see, he's more than "just a friend," he's my soul mate. Yes, I love him that way and he confessed his love for me as well. What's the problem? He's gay... or that's what he would label himself. The night before he left, we went out dancing. A fave song of ours came on and I continued dancing, enjoying it and he stopped for a moment. I stopped and went up to him and asked him, "what's wrong?" He in turn told me, " let's just say, I've found it. That's all I'm going to say" and then he kissed my cheek, and continued dancing. WHAT?! Did he just realized he wants to be with me in that way?! THEN, later on, he tells me again (we've discussed this particular subject before), "if I asked you to marry me, would you accept?"...YES!...seriously, I said yes! I love him and it felt right to say it! SO, here's my question: WHY?! Why do some, not all, gay men play these crazy mind games with their female counterparts?! I mean, it's one thing when a straight man does it, but come on! The heart wants what it wants...I want him! We'll see how things go when he gets back from bootcamp.
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male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (5 March 2010):
 He is probably confused over his sexuality. However if hes paying you extra attention then he probably likes you a lot!
You will notice little things if a guy really likes you, he will start doing more for you, contact you more than usual, buy you the occasional gift for no reason. Theres loads of things.
Why dont you ask him outright if he has feelings for you other than friendship. He sounds like he would give you an honest answer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): Men do not just say they are gay. It changes their livs sooo much.
I have asked a couple of workmates of myne, who are gay men about it and they both said the same thing.
When they came out, there families were very upset and angry with them, also the lost all their guy friends and were treated very badly by everyone. One of them was even beatern up by his former bestfriend. Its that bad.
So i dont believe he would say he was gay if he wasnt, also if he is bi then he would have said that from the start too.
Life is easier for bisexual men as they can produce a gf to keep everyone off there backs.
This is all you and you know it. Im so sorry dear, I know you love him and want to be with him. But it just isnt going to be what you think, at best you will be an unloved wife whos husband is running around with strange men.
At worst you will be a mother of 2 with no one to help and many people telling you they told you so.
Ths is your life, dont waste it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see your point Ingwe, I really do. It's very difficult to put this issue aside because it's dealing with the matters of my heart. I cherish my relationship with him regardless. He's a good man. I really feel like he wants to change his lifestyle completely. Im not forcing him, whatsoever. I know he's going through a lot with being in the beginning stages of service and he could be not thinking clearly. His longest relationship has only been a month and he doesn't like to flaunt himself.
Do you find it hard to believe that a man who labelled himself "gay," for the past 10years, now realize that he no longer wants to live that lifestyle? ....I don't know, but my gut is telling me it could happen. The heart wants what it wants.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): im very sad about this, and I want you to really see what you are doing.SO let me ask you this: Im in love with a girl who is a lesbien, but ive been talking to her alot and she seems to be responding, should i keep going? now do you see what you are doing?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, I said Yes but that doesn't mean I'm going to marry him tomorrow. Of course Im going to think things through completely before I make any life changing decisions. Our relationship is great as is but it's slowly creeping towards the next level. I know it seems like a no brainer because he's gay..or is he? To him it seems like somedays he is, other days he isn't! And, no, he's never been with a woman. When we would go out ,he would be always attentive to me. I can't tell you how many times we've been confused for a married/involved couple. He likes it. Then why the label? Does it seem like he's wanting to be heterosexual or is he just confused? I know I am!
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A
female
reader, BagLady +, writes (4 March 2010):
He's not gay then, perhaps he's bisexual. But for your sake, I would not marry him until you were sure that he was fine with having a female as a serious counterpart.
I am bisexual but I am only sexually attracted to both sexes. I don't want to have a serious lesbian relationship.
If he is more attracted to women than it is probably okay. Has he ever been with a guy, or is he just curious? He needs the opportunity to have a relationship with both sexes so that he knows what he wants.
Some gay men get involved with women only to procreate and then break it off because they are truly more homosexual than hetero.
A friend of mine was in that situation (and military as well). After she got pregnant he *realized* that he was 100% gay and they got divorced. Now she is hurt because she dedicated her heart to this man and loved him deeply. He loved her, but not enough to keep her from the hurt he caused. To him she was a set of ovaries and now is flaunting his baby girl with his new boyfriend. She felt used and she was.
I can't say I know all the details-he may be sincere in how he feels at the moment, but time and experience changes that and gives people clarification. And it is that time you need to give yourselves to make sure you are ready.
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A
female
reader, BagLady +, writes (4 March 2010):
He's not gay then, perhaps he's bisexual. But for your sake, I would not marry him until you were sure that he was fine with having a female as a serious counterpart.
I am bisexual but I am only sexually attracted to both sexes. I don't want to have a serious lesbian relationship.
If he is more attracted to women than it is probably okay. Has he ever been with a guy, or is he just curious? He needs the opportunity to have a relationship with both sexes so that he knows what he wants.
Some gay men get involved with women only to procreate and then break it off because they are truly more homosexual than hetero.
A friend of mine was in that situation (and military as well). After she got pregnant he *realized* that he was 100% gay and they got divorced. Now she is hurt because she dedicated her heart to this man and loved him deeply. He loved her, but not enough to keep her from the hurt he caused. To him she was a set of ovaries and now is flaunting his baby girl with his new boyfriend. She felt used and she was.
I can't say I know all the details-he may be sincere in how he feels at the moment, but time and experience changes that and gives people clarification. And it is that time you need to give yourselves to make sure you are ready.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): This is the text book way to be unhappy. You are trying to live a lie.
Why would he say that??? duhhh because his family dont want him to be gay. Do you think he wants to be? no... but he is.
Doesnt sound like hes really accepted it yet, but it is who he is. He doesnt love you and never will.
All you will be is another unhappy unloved person who married the wrong person. This life isnt as long as you think and it can be wonderful.. but you have to make the effort to live that life. So put him in the friend basket and let your feelings go. Mett someone who is hetrosexual, thus will want to be with you.
I know men arnt always great and dont really do what you would find fun, but its because we are diffent yet the same that makes our relationships so special.
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A
female
reader, smitheroon +, writes (4 March 2010):
 I'm not trying to be rude, but let me just recap some of what you said.
1) He is gay
2) He plays mindgames with you
3) He's going to be surrounded by other physically fit and like-minded men in the military for the next year
What part of this screams "healthy relationship" or "soul mate" to you?
Have some self-respect and find someone who is:
1) Into women
2) Honest and open with you
3) Not leaving the country or joining the army
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (4 March 2010):
It might not be a mind game, maybe hes not as gay as you think?
If you get on together, then just accept it for what it is right now a good friendship.
If it's going to be more then it will happen over time.
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