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Mind games have me nuts

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 January 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello,

If you can give me some advice that would be great.

Let me briefly summarize my story-

it's rather complicated! So to begin with about 2 years ago I started dating/talking to

"Bob" although we never labeled it a relationship both of were extremely into each other.

There was a lot of pushing and pulling I made some mistakes and he did as

well. Up until now we've had common friends and saw each other often. Both of us I guess you

can say indirectly communicated through our fiends. It seemed like we were back and

fourth playing games but we rarely were ever normal around each other. Finally this past

summer I confronted him and talked to him told him how I felt to his face. He never said

anything but we ended up kissing. I didn't hear from him the next day- I was being pushy

though and I finally got a hold of him after several calls and made him give me an

answer. He told me he didn't want a relationship with anyone and that he wasn't attracted

to me to begin with. Everything didn't make any sense at all what his friends would tell

me, the vibes I had gotten from him.

Now as if my situation wasn't sad hopeless already,about two months ago he started dating

my best friend! I know he wasnt atrrcated to her or anything before all this is recent. Before this he had told another friend of mine that he simply wasn't

attracted to me and was more attracted to her (my other friend not the one he's dating)! According to my ex best

friend he was the one who initiated things. Both of them behind my back!? I have stopped

talking to her. And I had stopped taking to him after this past summer. And as I've heard

he's really into her so its not just some kind of rebound or him boasting to me bc he

kept it on the low.He knows I've found out and am really upset.I just cant imagine how he

so easily fell for her when he always told me he doesnt like anyone or want a

relationship? I cant get over him and have tried everything. Is there anything I can do?

Please help! Thanks

View related questions: best friend, kissing, my ex

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A female reader, speedcat United States +, writes (28 January 2008):

laura gave great advice listen to it!

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A female reader, violentviolet United Kingdom +, writes (27 January 2008):

violentviolet agony auntI can't offer much advice, I just thought you'd like to know your not the only person going through something like this, and it does get better with time.

Just try not to focus on it too much, get out and meet new people.

Take care

xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008):

Hi Hunny,

Oh I really feel for you sometimes it feels like we are being pushed from pillar to post not knowing which way to go, When you get told by the person you like that he doesnt want a relationship then to find out he is in one with your best friend it is a hard thing to deal with it makes no sense to you at all. Hunny he may have said he wasnt interested in a relationship to let you down gently, But that doesnt help he should have made it clear from the begining so you understood plus your friend should never have done this behind your back as I always say there is a friends code.. You dont go out with anyone your friend may like as it hurts feelings and destroys friendships.

All I can say to you sweetheart is take this as a learning experience, Remember you are worth so very much and dont let something like this knock your confidence as you will probably find a lovely b/f who actually deserves you sweetheart TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (27 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntHe is just being diplomatic to you about not wanting relationships with anyone. It is just a lie to cover the truth that he is not interested in you.

If you want to forget a person , you need to demonize him . Think of all those bad things he did and you will find it easier to give him up and stop thinking about him.

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