A
male
age
36-40,
*ubsailor
writes:I just broke up with the woman of my dreams, and I desperately want her back.Now to understand this problem,you need to understand the nature of my enlistment, and the circumstances of me meeting up with this wonderfull girl.I come from a family with a long military history. For about a year now, I've been a sailor in the US Navy. I've always wanted to join the Navy and I first signed the papers commiting myself to the military in August of '08. I was totally psyched to ship out and start my life in the Submarine ForceProblem is, I'm in love. I'm desperately in love with a girl who I'd been seeing for over a year. We met each other in October of '08, after I joined up and was waiting to ship out to boot camp. She worked at the coffee shop I stopped at everyday before work. We'd chat, waste time, laugh, have fun. She's beautiful, smart, caring, did I say beautiful? I meant insanely gorgeous. I'm falling head over heels and I finally ask her out a few days after new years. I've long since told her that i'm joining the Navy, I'm proud of it, she thinks it's cool, but we both know that what we have together will change.I tell her not to worry as we begin to fall harder in love with with each other, we both have a great time. Easily the happiest days of my life, those three months. I profess my love to her on valentine's day and she bursts into tears of joy and tell me she loves me too.Then I ask her one night as we lay together in bed in my apartment, if she wants me to go. She only wants the best for me you see, so she tells me to go, it's what I've always wanted. But it means nothing to me compared to her, and I ask her to make the choice for me. She tells me to go, saying it would be selfish of her to keep me from my chosen path.The day untill I ship out draws nearer, at the end of march, and i know the best days of my life are almost over. I ask her again if i should go and she tells me to go. she kissed me, and tells me to go. We agree to keep our relationship going as long as we can. Our last nights together are wonderfull.So she drops me off at the recruiter's. She's weeping. I tell her it will be all right, to write me when she can. I kiss her goodbye.Boot camp sucks. I knew it was going to suck. I was prepared. I was not prepared for the little yellow perfumed envelopes to arrive every day from my darling girl. I fall deeper in love with her.I graduate boot camp and she's there with my family, looking more beautiful than she did in my dreams. She spends the weekend there and I visit when I can, but in two days i'm kissing my weeping lover goodbye again as I head for Groton, CT. home of the third longest training program in the Navy.I have three months left of submarine school i'm finishing it up in Washington state, it's been over a year since we started dating, and every time i talk to her she seems a little more distant. i've called her on the telephone every day and told her I love her. I make sure I say that every day. She's flown out to Connecticut to visit me twice and I've used up all my leave days on three occasions seeing her, and we just don't have the romantic spark we once did anymore. It's been replaced by distance. We got into a few arguements, and it always boiled down to it bring my fault because I left her for the navy. It's true! it is my fault for leaving.Now I'm a Damn good Sailor, and I'm damn proud of being a submariner. but I love Anna more than anything. I even tried asking her to marry me, but she's not ready yet. She's 21 and I'm 23 in two weeks. She can't stand the idea of her husband being away from her, but I know she loves me and I love her.I really feel like an ass for not pointing out her side. She's a full-time student in a super-expensive school, and needs to focus on her future as well. our love is important to us, but as supportive as she is to me and my career, I need to support her, and her commitment to school. St. Thomas university is a tough school. Very competitive. She's had to worry about me and my problems when she's got to focus on her own.To make matters worse, She got in a bad car accident when someone (without insurance, mind) blew a stop sign and now she's missing school and has failing grades because she's in and out of the hospital with fainting, migranes, and neck problems. She worries me to death! She just turned 21 and Minnesota roads are lethal this time of year. I'm so paranoid about her getting in car wrecks now i'm starting to feel like an overbearing parent.And I don't mean to make her seem like a bitch, She's not. She's the most sweet, loving person I know. She's my baby, my angel, and I feel like I can't be there to protect her. sometimes she says she just wants to quit school all together and come with me, but that's very rash, especially after her family has invested like a quarter of a million dollars into this school. Although a break from school definitely would help her out.And then a month ago, after an arguement with her parents, she calls me in tears, to tell me she can't handle it any more, and calls it off.I was crushed, I couldn't function. I got over it kinda, and picked up smoking.I dated a girl here for like a weeks but just dumped her. The new girl only wanted sex, I needed to fill the void in my soul.Now I'm feeling down, hasn't been this bad since we broke up. I don't think I'll ever meet a girl as wonderful as her.What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (6 March 2010):
 Why did she call it off? It seemed like your relationship, even though it was long distance, was going pretty well.
Long distance relationships do work, especially if the two people are in love as you both seemed to be.
But, if it really is over between you too, you need to know that you WILL find another girl that was as wonderful as Anna was, and maybe even better.
Breakups are never easy since you feel like that person you were with was the only wonderful, sweet person in the world. But that's not true. You'll meet someone that's just right for you, that's sweet and kind and wonderful.
I would say concentrate on doing other things to get your mind off of thinking about this relationship.
Good luck with everything!
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (6 March 2010):
 Wow...what a story.I've had a LDR (long distance relationship) and I started feeling the same way as you.Everytime we talked,the more distanct it felt.Well this is a tough one because you guys have different lives.She's a student,you work for the military.
Option A - Let her test waters with different people,while you focus on your career. When she graduates,take it from there.I know it sounds harsh,but its better when a break up ends in HURT than one that ends in APATHY.What do I mean here?If you continue now,you will probably break up later,feeling more distant and when you will want to get back together,she wont feel the same way.She might not even care anymore.
Option B - Is there even an option B? Well...convince her to get back with you and be prepared for another 3 years of sadness.(3 until she graduates- maybe more)
College time is a tough.She will probably want to experience things.She might not know it yet,but eventually she'll be like "He was a great guy,I'm glad i was with him but im also glad i can try new things now"....4 years later?She'll be like "I'm tired of trying new things,I wish I was still with him"
Thats why its better to break up now.Its like taking your relationship flame and putting it in a freezer until you are both ready to take it out and revive it. If you keep dating her under these circumstances,the flame will die.
Do you understand where im coming from? I know it's gonna be aweful...for you,and for the girls you're gonna be dating.Anna will always be number ONE. Will she really be? Time will tell. A true love NEVER EVER EVER EVER ends.
Good luck :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): i can some what relate to the situation. I say if you love this girl as much as you do i say you should fight for her. My parents told me if you love something you don't let anything get in the way. I hope everythings works out for you two. And keep your head up. "everyone has to go thru hell to get to heaven."
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