A
female
age
30-35,
*8ta09
writes:This is another problem ive got up my sleeve.. Are you guys ready? haha So this boy i've been with for two year as i mentioned in my last post that is kind of a loser... I realized today means nothing at all to mean.. But apparently enough for me to be having a rough time letting go. Buttttt here is the interesting part.. I seem to have fallen for his best friend - or so he thinks the kid dont really like him but he's a sweetheart and doesnt like to make people feel left out - ALTHOUGH the confusing part is... He just left for basic training 3 days ago.. and the boy who claims to show no emotion told me he loved me with tears streaming down his face for his final words before leaving.. It was an accidental tripping i do believe but what's odd is he was there to catch me.. I'm still waiting on a letter to see what he's got to say [people tend to me more honest in letter form for some reason or another] He promised one very soon. I've been like physically and emotionally attached to the mailbox for days.. its pathetic i know.. but what can i say im a 17yr old girl.. ha! What gets even wierder is i talk about him constantly and everyone around me and my bf has noticed the spark that has obviously ignited but him.. is he blind or does he notice but doesnt want to say anything.. I cried for almost 2 days everytime i even thought about him and even told my boyfriend that i missed him like crazy.. And please no one give me the bs quote "never leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love" bc if it worked like that everyone would be with their first boyfriends and girlfreinds.. Here's a little insight on this boyfriend of mine in case some of you haven't read my other article.. He's older - 20 - and wants endless love marriage and children.. I'm 17 and want an education a career and a successful life.. He's clingy and possessive and jealous of anything with a penis.. he's insecure and pessimistic and depressed most of the time - not sure if he is actually depressed or is doing it for an excuse for another endless sob story - im sick of this kid but i care WAY too much about him to just drop him on his face.. Breaking up with him would be like me trying to find a way to drop a raw egg on concrete without breaking it. Also he is holding me back from my dreams and goals.. Yeah its only a teaching career but it happens to be in Florida and one of the U.S. top rated Teaching schools.. We live in IL. But more on this military boy.. He's an amazing guy.. dont know if its cuz we just recently started this little flame or if hes really just that amazing.. I've known him for 6 years and we've always been good friends. we get along well and we have a lot in common.. Well honestly.. If i had my way this boy would be home right now and i'd hold him and never let go.. and with the bf.... I want to push him into a box and tape him in so i can get some space - like i said the other day.. even words need space - and on top of that i have a best friend who tries to play match maker.. damn him lol he's always askin hey you wanna hangout?? and guess who's sitting in his front seat? the lame boyfriend.. I'm not trying to sound mean or hateful or low and/or self centered.. but im the girl who would rather put herself through years of agony than put one person through a second of heartache.. but they way i look at it. its time to start thinking about me for once.. Basically this is two questions in one.. 1. Anyone with military relationship advice PLEASE post or email me.. and and 2. You can tell me to dump the bf all day long and give me reasons why lol but i know i have to.. just dont know when or how.. its hard cuz his friends are my friends.. so i cant get away and i dont wanna make new friends.. they were mine first lolhelllpppp!!!! --You know who
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best friend, depressed, insecure, jealous, military, spark Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 78ta09 +, writes (18 June 2009):
78ta09 is verified as being by the original poster of the question OK, Here's The Deal.. I'm Not In It Because I Think It's "Hot" Or "Sexy". No In Fact It's Not At All.. It's an honorable thing he is doing. He risking his life for America and her people. Me Being oh so in love with him has NOTHING to do with the fact that hes in the military.. in FACT i hate it.. i hate it so much that he left.. Do Not Accuse Me of anything.. I love that kid. okay? I'd gladly skip the next 3 years to have him back forever.. But i guess since i'm only in it for how sexy it is.. it wont matter that he knocked up some girl before he left and she doesnt plan on telling him.. and my cousin passed away a few days ago and i've got so much stress in my life right now.. he's all i wanted, and the only one i wanted to see when we found her on monday.. i understand you guys a little more now.. He's all i wanted and he wasnt here to console me.. i didnt want to see anyone else.. only him.. i wanted to hear him say, "don't worry baby it will be okay." but i cant!! but i love him so much. and i hope this whole baby thing doesnt bother us.. i expect him to be a dad to it and the mom doesnt want a relationship with him.. so idk im rambling..
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 SY is right, I am a married soldier and my job has to come first, if the army decide (on a friday afternoon)they want me to work the weekend, then I have too, a soldier is paid 24hrs a day 365 days a year, therefore when the army say pack your kit, that's it your off, no arguing or saying "but my girlfriend and I have plans" it is very hard for anyone married to a soldier and I would go as far as too say it is worse for girlfriends because the army will look after your wife but a girlfriend means nothing to them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): How about a different quote then:
Never start an affair. That's what you're doing. You go on and on about how conflicted you are and how it's rough and you miss this guy so much.. but what about your boyfriend. So you see the wrong being done here?
Let the poor boy go if you're going to be obsessing over this marine kid. Your reasons for not breaking up with him are selfish at the moment. You think you care WAY too much about him.. but you're not committed to him. If you want waht's best for HIM, then HURRY and let him go so he can start trying to move on.
"but im the girl who would rather put herself through years of agony than put one person through a second of heartache"
That's what you're doing right now honey.. your hurting him. So just end it. It's that simple. Tell him you can't be in the relationship anymore becuase you don't feel the samw way about him anymore. Don't think about how hard it is for you and how you just don't how you'll manage, beucase it's not about you. It's about him.
As far as the military relationship..
Yes i'm married to an infantryman. And it's not a joke. It's HARD. Basic training is jsut the beginning. My man's was four months. Then he spent 12 hours a day working at the armory. Then he spent 6 weeks at predeployment training, now he's gone for 12 months overseas, constantly in danger, missing home, the birth of his child..
It's not easy.
If you're in it because you think the military is "hot," then a relationship with one is not the way to go.
And what happens over 50% of the time, is a woman says she'll wait.. he's all happy and goes off.. she can't handle it, she cheats on him, she's gone.. he blows his head off..
There are more suicides from uncommitted women than there are casualties in the war right now. And i'd say, based on your level of committment to your boyfriend, this is not your thing.
IT'S JUST NOT EASY. Lonely nights, lonely days, no one to hug, no sex, can't even call him when you want to, very low level of communication, paranoia over his safety.. i mean the list goes on and on.
My recommendation.. don't think about yourself at all. when you're with a military man, it's all about him. It's all about keeping him calm and stressfree, making him happy, being perfect for him, becuase with what he's doing, he can't afford any distractions. You get in a fight and he goes to CT (combat training) and is thinking of you and isn't comcentrating on the training, and the other guy kicks him upside the head.. This is the cold, hard truth. Everythign you do and say to him will affect him while he's gone.
I love my husband more than anything in this world. There's not a damn thing that could stop us from beign together. no number of years, no number of mines blowing up around him.. and that's the sort of relatinshup you need to be wiht one. If not, then don't even go there.
~SY.
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