A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I seem to only attract guys wanting sex. Out of all the guys I have met, every single one of them (except one) has only wanted sex. I found out even my ex bf only wanted sex too. I dont think its how I dress - i dress pretty respectable. Plus Im quite shy so I dont think its how I act? Guys have said some things to me and even my sister has heard one of my new guy work mates saying dirty comments about me. I thought he saw me as a friend - not in a sexual way! I was out lastnight with my friends and this guy came up to me who I hadnt even seen before and told me hes had his eye on me all night.Am I the problem? What can I do to change? I dont want this kind of attention!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes the title is wrong- i didnt make it up! Thank you both, im going to have a think about what I can do! Thanks heaps
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 I am presuming here the headline/topic is wrong, because the body of the questions is completly different.
The problem is only partially with you. The main problem is visibility. Lets say you are a fish then what would be more visible. Someone fishing with dynamite, throw in a stick and see what floats up, or a spearfisher, stalk the fish you want until you can nail it with a single strike.
The type of guy you describe who is only after sex tends to hit on anything with a skirt in the hope that maybe one responds. Since it is only sex he doesn't really which one responds and in case even if it is a fish he would throw back it is good practice. Not very flattering but is how some men think. Some women as well by the way.
The type of guy you might be looking for (in all the wrong places) takes it slower. He might prefer to know his prey first in some other way. A co-worker, a friend, etc etc. His ultimate goal is still sex, but more longterm and then such silly girly things as love helps. This approach makes him however avoid the hunting grounds of the first type of guy. He might visit the same spots, but not to hunt (meet new girls) but to take a girl he has already met out. It ain't easy actually picking up a girl in bar/club/whatever if you are intrested in more then for body for a one-nighter. How can you talk to someone, if the music drowns out every other word?
The first type of guy doesn't hit on you because of the way you dress or the way you behave. He hits on you because you are there. To stop this, stop being there. If you and some girls go to some clubs then the reason to go there after all is to be hit on. Don't complain you are treated as a piece of meat on the meatmarket.
Doesn't mean you can't go out, just don't expect to meet another guy there. So either go with a guy or just have a fun time but do not expect to meet anyone who is not just after sex.
The other type of guy you have to meet in your daily life. He will still be less visible because by his nature he just doesn't hit on women constantly. Most worringly, he might wait a bit, to see if the woman he is intrested in, is intrested in being hit on. If you are shy, you might send the message that you are not. The "bad" boy doesn't give a shit, the "nice" boy does and voila. You got your question.
So A: change where you hang out, not a lot, just not every weekend in the same meatmarket.
B: Be more open, so that the guys who want more then just sex KNOW you are available.
C: Accept that some men are pigs and pigs are very noisy. Don't let them drown out the other men.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 Maybe your just a very attractive girl and you 'inspire' mens sexual thoughts. Most men think about sex A LOT but the majority can control themselves. Most younger men don't necessarily want to get into a serious relationship but might 'chance their arm' with a pretty girl. Shyness is also attractive to some men as they feel they can manipulate you and win you over. This also gives them a challenge...and men love the chase.
You shouldn't have to change anything major about yourself, but maybe experiment with new looks or try a new hobby to give you something else to talk about. The golden rule of course...and I'm gonna spell it out 'DON'T have sex with anyone until you're sure that it is a committed and loving relationship' Casual sex is fine if thats what your searching for, but it seldom leads to a long term caring relationship and people get easily hurt'
Women use sex as a tool to gain love and respect from men...this just doesn't work in casual affairs, it just leads to the 'hump and dump' situation. A lot of men, when they get what they want are off like a shot.
Eventually someone will come along who just wants to know you for 'being you', you may have to hold off your sexlife for a while, but it will be worth it. Trust your instincts and protect yourself from being used.
Best of luck to you
Aunty Em xx
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