A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible to love someone but be repulsed by them sexually and continually dream of a life without them? Could this just be a midlife crisis or does it signify the end of a relationship? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): If you were really happy you wouldn't be dreaming of a life without this person - you would be dreaming of better times with them. It sounds as though your heart is not in it anymore. I love the answer about making love versus sex and if you're repulsed by your partner it sounds as though you're not making love but having sex.
It sounds a little like you love him but are not in love with him and only you can decide if that's enough for you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): Dear Poster
You are giving very little information, but if you are repulsed by your partner or there is resentment; I suggest you find the deep rooted issues that have caused the problem. It can be one or many things, but I suggest you don't just brush it off as midlife crisis; if you were happy, sexually compatible and had a good relationship, try and get to the root of the problem; what caused the changes. I suggest you go for counseling and try and discover your feelings; work through them; it will help you to establish what is causing the resentment and how to overcome it; if you were happy before it is possible to re-ignite those feelings; it might take some effort and it will take some commitment from both parties; depending on what is the reason for your feelings.
However, please pay attention to this; sometimes in life we need to look past the obvious and seek that deeper intimacy; I don't know what caused your feelings, maybe a lack of understanding or intimacy; maybe this is what you need;for your partner to make love to you instead of just having sex.
I quote from a previous answer:
MAKE LOVE (a sensual exploration of the bodies).
Relax, be yourself and allow your heart and your genitals to talk to each other, allowing your hands to express your heart's love to your bodies, feeling and touching.
Sensualist Jonti Searll explains it very well.
"I’ve come to define sex as a goal-oriented genital activity. The goal is orgasm for at least one of the people involved, both if you’re lucky and/or know what you’re doing.
Making love is a different story. The words themselves tell us that we’re going to make something, we’re going to create it or build it, or mix the ingredients to get something more or different than when we began. And because it’s love that we’re making, our hearts are involved. Our mouths, our hands, our genitals, our bodies become a channel to express that love".
For more very interesting information and valuable tips:
http://health.mweb.co.za/sex/Gourmet_sex/1253-2443.asp
I am sure the above link will be of great assistance to you.
Establish the CAUSE of the problem and then get professional help; you need to make love to each other; maybe that is what you have been lacking?
Best wishes;try to keep SMILING.
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A
female
reader, Nycee25  +, writes (24 December 2008):
Of course it is possible. A lot of women resent or are disgusted by their partner but stay in the relationship because they love them. In order to tell if the relationship is over depends on why you are repulsed by them and if the relationship is worth working on. For instance, if you have a man/women with good qualities that meet your standards and you are repulsed by him because he has no game, is sloppy in the bedroom or is neglecting your needs, then I would say talk to him/her about what turns you off. But if you are repulsed because you have lost love for him/her because you continually argue, he/she often hurts you or does something that you don't like and you know it is impossible to change then it is over. This means that he/she is not the one.
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A
female
reader, Nycee25 +, writes (24 December 2008):
Of course it is possible. A lot of women resent or are disgusted by their partner but stay in the relationship because they love them. In order to tell if the relationship is over depends on why you are repulsed by them and if the relationship is worth working on. For instance, if you have a man/women with good qualities that meet your standards and you are repulsed by him because he has no game or is sloppy in the bedroom, then I would say talk to him/her about what turns you off. But if you are repulsed because you have lost love for him/her because you continually argue, he/she often hurts you or does something that you don't like and you know it is impossible to change then it is over. This means that he/she is not the one.
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (24 December 2008):
 the end of a relationship... if your married then i am a believer in giving absolutley everything you've got 100% every single time, for if you do this you can oneday walk away with no regrets.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 Unfortunately, yes it it possible. If that is the case it means that the love is no longer romantic love, it went from passionate to conpassionate and the relationship has run its course and it is time to move on. This happends in long term relationships sometimes. The person being rejected should see what is happening and let the other person go. if there ever was real love to begin with, the other person might regret their actions and try to come back after they sort out their feelings. Time apart is certainly needed here
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