A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Sorry this isn't really about relationships but you seem like a bunch of sensible people who might be able to help. Basically I'm sitting here in tears for the 6th night running. I'm having some sort of crisis. Like a mid-life one except I'm only 28!! I haven't done anything with my life, I never have fun, I never do the things I want or THINK I want, I have friends but never had the group of friends I wanted, I spend ages looking at other people's lives and comparing them, I compare myself with everyone and feel less fun and/or successful than them. To some extent this isn't true I know. I went a little mad at about 15/16, nothing too crazy - it was more about being f*cked up and attention seeking than genuine fun. Always was thought of as a bit crazy I guess and manage to weave a good story to make myself look a bit cheeky. But since uni when I was 19, when you are supposed to be starting out, that's it. Did well in my degree (though I was mostly miserable at uni) but never put myself forward for jobs, lacked confidence, lacked direction and bummed around for ages doing menial work. STILL lack direction. I did do a post-graduate degree to prove something to myself but I'm still in a job where I don't need the qualifications I have and don't see myself moving up and everyone seems to be moving on, buying homes, earning good money. I don't really want to be "settled" at all (God no) but I don't see anything for me other than being skint all the time. I always have to consider the cost of something before I go out and usually run out of money halfway through the month as I live on my own, which to be honest I hate. I am reaching the end of my 20s - supposedly the most fun of your life and I can't even see where the fun was. I live in a countryside town which I ended up in when I came down with an ex I was with from 20-27. It's far away from what little "family" I have which to be honest is just my mum anyway. Before that I lived in a city but was always obsessing over the state of my realtionship with my ex. I have a few individual friends, really, really good people, but lack a really cohesive set of mates to hang out with. Never really had that whole teenage set of friend as was not popular and hated school. When I do go out with a group of people I'm either bored or get drunk to try and suppress it. When I get drunk I will do "crazy" things sometimes but destructive, terrible things that make me feel worse, although they'll make for a good story so I can convince people I'm not boring. Other people I know may not be massively successful but have really cool stories about things they have done in the past. I haven't travelled and I haven't done many drugs, way less than a lot of friends. I don't care what you think about drugs, I have smoked weed occasionally for years, done a few other things once, but am currently going out with someone who went out raving for four years and said they were amazing times. I spoke to him tonight and he said I have to plan how I'm going to get out of this county and if I want an adventure, I have to do it myself and I'm the only person who can control it. But for some reason that makes me feel worse. He's younger than me and just been offered a potential dream job abroad. I feel so lonely all the time. I sit in this flat driving myself crazy. If I go for a walk it's no better. I wouldn't ever have the guts but I think about suicide a lot. I want to see my boyfriend more but feel needy. I don't see much in my future and know he or anyone wouldn't want to be with someone like that anyway. I just feel that this kind of teenage angst and worrying about whether I am boring was supposed to have passed about 10 years ago!! I am honestly going totally mad. I have seen one friend briefly tonight, spoke to another on Facebook and spoke to my boyfriend for an hour on the phone but I can't handle being in this place crying all night again. Please offer me some words of wisdom. I know I'm pathetic and should go out there and DO something but I have plans/invites for the weekend (it's not like I don't get asked) and don't even want ANY of it. I really don't know what to do. Life is passing me by.
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male
reader, saltwater +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Okay so when I posted there were no answers, but I think most people will answer with the following points:
Calm down. Okay so you're 28...but life's not over is it?
When you think that people still have fulfilling and meaningful lives when they're 70+, you have lots to live for and plenty of life experiences yet to go through.
I use an analagy that I saw once that if you were given some pills what would you want them to do?
Would you want the pills to kill you painlessly to end life?
--or--
Liven up your life so you can start enjoying yourself again?
You sound like the kind of person which wants the latter to happen. So what can you can do?
Firstly, you need to write down what your interests are; what do you like doing; what topics of life fascinate you?
Then you need to act on these interests and find other people who share the same interests.
Join clubs, go places that interest you; with people who interest you. With the magic of the internet it's *EASY* to find people, both locally and far away, who share your interests and who are on your wavelength.
People who don't like socialising with other people usually do so because deep down they know that the people they are socialising with aren't really the people who they want to socialise with. We've all had times when we've been out with people who we don't really like, or just simply don't click with.
But it's amazing how much your attitude changes when you find people who you actually want to socialise with...you then never stop wanting to go out!
You need to find these people...but you need to find them and meet them in the flesh; Facebook ain't good enough.
There are guaranteed to be people locally to you who share your interests....even if you life deep in the country....it will give you an excuse to travel!
Travelling isn't the most important thing in the world, but I think everyone should do a bit of travelling at some point; after all, only travelling to work and back is pretty depressing!
All that said, if the people who ask you out are people who you like, but even then you still don't want any of it, then you may need to talk to a counsellor so they can identitfy why you don't want any of it.
Some people here may say you need to speak to a professional counsellor -- though frankly that's for you to decide.
However, you can talk to a counsellor till the cows come home -- but making life exciting and interesting is only something you can do. No-one else. There is a world out there with people who can change your life.
You need to go and find them.
If you don't change your life, then life isn't going to change.
A
female
reader, princessjasmine  +, writes (20 August 2008):
Personally, I think that you should talk to a therapist because you have A LOT to say and a lot of talkign thru emotions. Number 1: relax, practice zen. Meditate, get a CD with relaxing sounds.Number 2: yoga and pilates! ExerciseNumber 3: NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE ELSE. If I compared myself to Giselle or Angelina Jolie...i'd feel like SHIT--But then you think, oh well im sure they are having some problems of their own that I dont know about...because EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS...life doesnt come easy...eric from boy meets world says; lifes tough, get a helmet lol.Number 4: Who says you can't be successful...I suggest you watch the dvd called "the secret" it might help you in some way...its all about hte law of attra ction and that if u are bringing positive energy then u will GET POSITIVE things from the universe bak...its all about how the mind percieves things becuase u shud kno..that the mind is an illusion..someone else might look at u and think...well her life doesnt seem so bad tome....but its all about how YOU VIEW IT...and that i think u shud talk with ur therapist about, which i HIGHLY RECOMMEND.Number 5: who says u cant travel? who says you cant move to NYC where life hits u with surprises, who says yu cant change things? u hav the power to change now...UR STILL YOUNG u still hav it in u to do wat u wana do girl...the past is gone....dont ponder on it or analyze wats done is done...also knoow that: some day it will make sense, so for now...laugh at the confusion and kno that everything happens for a reason! this quote really makes me feel better...do things that make u happy, go bak to skool if u want...no one is holding u bak! write bak:)
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