A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So here's my story. I got a surgery last week and I'm in my sort-of-a-boyfriend's place and he's taking care of me. I'm 20 yrs old college girl and he's 33 and he finishes his masters dgr this semester. Anyways, so all day long I just lay in his bed by myself, and seriously, this is driving me crazy. I know he comes home to me every night (he's woking 7am to 9pm these days), but I became totally obsessive. I just think about HIM HIM HIM all day. This is just crazy. And because of the surgery I got, I can't have sex for the next 5 weeks, I feel like we are becoming more like friends or siblings or whatever. My heart became so small I'm just so afraid of losing him. I've never been so intimate with somebody this much so this whole is affecting me BIG TIME. I have become incredibly JEALOUS and OBSESSIVE!! I know he has free will and he himself chose to be with me, nobody forced him to do that, but somehow I feel like he might meet someone new outside, when I'm doing nothing lying down, thinking about him. I don't have any confidence in myself right now and I am very depressed and lonely. I don't know how to have fun or just relax and enjoy anymore. I haven't lived that long but I'm in the lowest point of my life. I don't have appetite, I'm not doing anything productive, I just feel so hopeless. There are a few other guys who wants to see me but they do not matter to me at all. I don't even care about them! All I want is him. I just want to hear that he loves me, that he's in love with me. But he says he doesn't like words, he prefers actions. And we've been seeing each other since March and I've moved in to his place on May but he wants our relationship to be secret and he doesn't seem to want to make me his girlfriend. He kept saying I'm too young for him.He is very nice and sweet to me and everything but he's got lots of female friends and our relationship is not official so that makes me so worried. I may sound so young, so immature but I just can't feel his love as much as before. Even when I'm with him, I feel so lonely. I know he's working all day so he's really tired and all but I wish he'd paid more atttention to me when he comes home. I don't know what I should do. Please give me some advice. Thanks for reading.
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confidence, depressed, immature, jealous, moved in Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): Your obsession and negativity will definately drive him away. Find other ways to satisfy him and keep his interest. He is also alot older that you and u r probably a good ctach to him.
I woman can do just about anything to keep her man, you just need too reach out and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
A
female
reader, asd123  +, writes (3 August 2012):
That's sweet that you care about him so much but I think that you are moving a little too fast, considering that your relationship isn't offical yet. You've already moved in with him and you two have no type of commitment to each other or clear understanding of what your relationship is. The fact that he is taking care of you is better than most guys out there would do up that doesn't completely erase the fact that he is trying to hide your relationship and he doesn't even tell you that he loves you. It's only natural for you to feel depressed and lonely especially after surgery and the fact that you have to stay home and rest, but once you start to get better this feeling will being to feel less insense. But you real need to have a talk with your "sort of/ kind of" boyfriend and let him know how you feel and that in order to build more strength and trust wthin your relationship is to talk about what the next setp is and define what you mean to each other. Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 HiBit of a complex problem really, surely if you live together then your a couple, it IS official? I assume you share the bedroom? As for him going off with somebody else, why would he, he has you at home,he moved you in, nobody else. You've only had an operation and will be fine in a few weeks,its not permanant.He's taking care of you when he's home and sounds like a good man.Is there nobody else who can visit you in the day, family, friends or colleagues, to help pass the time? Or even chat to them online or Skype.You need to do something to keep from obsessing for hours, read a book,do some studies ask the college for homework, make him a thank you card even. If you dont have to actually lie in bed for 5 weeks, then you can surprise him with a special dinner for 2.
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A
male
reader, KomradeKhaos +, writes (3 August 2012):
I find it interesting you moved in with him, but you aren't in an official relationship. That is something to think about.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 In my opinion, this good man has proved he has a good heart and your jealousy has no foundations.
He has you at home, which means he wants to look after you now that you're recovering. I'm not sure many others would do that. And five weeks without sex is nothing, in the grand scheme of things.
Stop worrying and lose the nagging, or you might scare Good Man away.
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