A
male
age
41-50,
*LMojo
writes:Hello! I am new to this but I am trying to get all the help that I can get at this point. Well here it goes. Four days ago my fiancee and I got into a little fight at a wedding and left there right away which turned into a bigger fight down the road. We both were intoxicated and when we got close to home she started to punch me and I told her to get out and left her to walk a few blocks away from our home. I drove off and went right to the bar to be followed by a police officer because she called them on me because I was driving while intoxicated. The cop let me go and I went into the bar. I got very intoxicated at the bar and went to a house party. I got so drunk there also and I have never been that drunk in my life. Well my fiancees friend was there and we were flirting with each other and she wanted to take me home so I went with her. We started to have sex and in the middle of having sex with her I kind of came to and said I cant do this and I immediately left. I went right home feeling so dman bad and walked upstairs to our room and told my fiancee that I have made a horrible mistake. She got mad and started hitting and kicking me. I just walked out and slept off my alcohol in my car. I come back to apologize and she had all my stuff packed and moved out. I spent the whole day explaining that it was a mistake and that I didnt finish after me and the girl started and that I said I couldnt do it and walked out. I am a very honest person and I feel so bad for what I did and I never in my life ment to hurt her. I told her right after it happened what I did because I could never look at her and she not know what I did because I would feel so bad. I love her so much and we been together for six beautiful years and we have two beautiful kids together. She did let me move back in two days later and she wants to work it out because she knows that I never ment for that to happen. I just have a problem when I drink alcohol and get drunk. What I am asking for is advice of what should I do to prove to her that it was a mistake and I will never do it again. I also want to gain her trust back and hopefully get to the point of where we left off at before this horrible and stupid insodent happened. Thank you very much.
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drunk, fiance, flirt, moved out, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 You're welcome.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2012): Thank you all so much so far for the help and advice it really does help and means alot.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (27 September 2012):
Owning your role in this is the right thing to do but before you get too caught up in punishing yourself and grovellnig for forgiveness, remember that your girlfriend has some smartening up to do too.
It sounds like she too has trouble handling her liquor. And the punching and hitting...that has got to stop at once. I don't mean work on it or try, I mean stop. Period. Cold turkey. The next time she puts her hands on you, you have her charged with assault. Be very clear about that with her. No more warnings.
Submitting to her is only going to reinforce her sense of being wronged and it will prolong yuor penance and give her all the power. Be matter of fact, own what's yours, set realistic limits and expectations for yourself and be the best person you can be.
Frankly, I think she's lucky you didn't kick her arse up and down the street for punching you, especially while you were driving (and under the influence). My motto is if a woman wants to act like one of the boys, she has no right to complain when she gets treated like one. For all we know she puts up with a lot from you, but once you add violence to the equation...she won't get my sympathy.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 First of all your relationship sounds very volatile.... That's not a normal fight to have in a healthy relationship. You kicked her out of the car, bad enough, then she calls the police on you?? In addition to the psychical fighting, this is all very bad news. I'll be honest, I'm not putting all of the blame on you for going to this other chick's house. It seems like the both of you have serious issues with this relationship.
Whether or not this all stems from drinking you should do 2 things.
One, get into couple's counseling as this is very unhealthy and no way to handle arguments, even if drunk. Drinking doesn't excuse away violence. I've been drunk and angry, as have many people I'm sure, and have yet to hit anyone in my life. You need to both work on your relationship. You aren't the only bad guy here. She called the cops and hit you, both of you made some very very bad choices this day. Counselling is really what you should do.
Two, stop drinking!! Regardless of whether you are an alcoholic or not, you are obviously a bad drunk and make poor choices whilst drunk. You need to cut the habit out completely for a good while. When you drink later, have one or two, don't get sloppy drunk. And if an alcoholic, go to AA and cut it out completely. To be honest you have a problem with alcohol even if you can't see it. Rather than stop that day and realize you had enough you went to a bar and even after that a house party. Drinking is the source of a lot of your problems, so stop!
You asked what you can do to show you are serious that it was a mistake and serious about her and this relationship. That's how you do it. She will know you mean it when you suggest counseling to better yourselves and you are going to quit drinking to prevent any future mistake from occurring. If you aren't willing to do either then I don't see how you are too serious about making up for the mistakes.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Ok woah! She'd been punching you and hitting and kicking you...? I think she has some issues she should address also.
Maybe you give up the alcohol for a bit and just prove to her that it isn't you when you're drinking that it's someone else.
If you lay off the drink for a while she may notice that it isn't you and that what happened that night was just because you guys had fought and you got stupidly drunk.
Fingers Crossed it'll work out, but i am concerned about her hitting you... i think you should address this with her also.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Let's address this detail of your submittal: "....What I am asking for is advice of what should I do to prove to her that it was a mistake and I will never do it again."
What you DO is cow-tow to her for as long as necessary in order to indicate that you are NOT really the A**hole that you acted like on that fateful day. Then, you act like a choirboy for the next... let's say, FOREVER.... and hope that - sometime in the not-too-distant-future - she sez to you.... "OK, (your name here), you're off the hook for being such a collosal jerk on that day...."
THEN, you and she can proceed to having the life that you (and she) could/would have had if you hadn't acted like such a jerk...
P.S. Count your blessings!!!!
Good luck...
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