A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over 6 years now. After all this time i am still incredibly in love with him and the feeling just doesn't seem to fade away at all. we have moved in together a few months ago, i used to wish for this for a long time but he was never ready. Moving in came now however as his initiative this time and i agreed to it and this made me really happy.However after having finished to arrange the apartment i started to feel he is getting sadder and sadder and that he is unhappy. He told me he needed space, that he understands that i have nowhere to go to so that i give him his space ( my family is in another country) but still he feels suffocated and would just like to be able to go out the door whenever he wants to without saying a word. I started feeling bad for feeling happy about moving in together when i saw how he felt about it.. Along these 6 years there were different girls that i thought he was interested in. I am jealous so i know i probably exaggerated every time i found out about them, but i know he didn't cheat on me and we always left them behind and re-found each-other. Now i don't know anymore, there's a girl at his job that he recently added on facebook. I found it strange that he always talks to me about his colleagues but he never mentioned her. Knowing i'm jealous he never makes me feel uncomfortable about his colleagues and, even if i know it's an exaggeration, he always brings up a flaw in a girl he is talking about so that he can reassure me he would not be interested in anyone.But nothing about this girl, and when i asked about her he said it's nothing and didn't want me to be jealous for no reason. But he constantly talks to her in messages and i can see he is deleting every message between them. I got sadder and sadder, insecure as hell, i really felt his love may have faded away... there is something i really don't feel like before.I decided to move out and started to look for a new place, he saw me researching and reacted strongly and for the first time in long days, honestly, saying that he doesn't want me to move out, not to do that. i didn'ti tried to have a conversation with him, i told him, if he could just sit with me and tell me something like this: " this girl is really pretty, funny, we communicate well and she makes my days at work more fun. We like to exchange emails after work too, because our conversations are not work related, but there is nothing you should be threatened about. I am not attracted to her , i love you and there is no reason for you to go though these feelings"he just got madder, i cannot reach to him, i cannot make him understand that, if i am really wrong, until he gives me peace of mind i am not going to be able to give him peace either, as i feel alone, betrayed, humiliated and very scared.I don't know what to do, how i could give him space, what does that mean exactly..I thought about emailing the girl and asking her if there is anything i should be jealous on in their relationship and to also apologize for putting her in that position.but i feel like if i do that i would cry out loud that i don't trust him and i am not sure that would bring up any good thing or it would make it all bow up.what can i do when i don't get a straight answer from him?
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at work, facebook, I love you, insecure, jealous, moved in Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Thank you, Sageoldguy1465, you had answered more than one question for me and gave more strength to the little voice in my head telling me I'm not crazy
About emailing the other girl i had decided in the meantime it's not something i could do, and in the end if anything does happen i would have him and not her to blame so no need to complicate matters just to make again things easier for him
i don't think i have the courage , not now anyway, to take the big step, but i think about it often and i hope i will take the good decision soon
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Go back to "ground zero" and recognize that, when you and he agreed to share an address, HE got all the power, and YOU ceded to him all YOUR power....
NOW... he's "tipped his hand" and shown you just what an A**hole he is.... and it then falls to YOU to decide just how long you will put up with him and his shenanigans. (I suggest about 5 minutes - no more!!!!).
Put your plan(s) together and decide how to get away from this creep, and don't look back, and DON'T regret what you did.... After all, you're in there with oodles of women who do similar things and end up in your predicament....
Good luck....
...............................
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